Page 25 of Promise Me Nothing
I lean against the railing and cast my gaze back to the water, to the inky blackness in the distance.
What I find so strange is that you assume sight would be the most important sense at the beach, that the view would be the focal point. But in my sneaky evening moments alone, I’m recognizing that my other senses seem to be taking over.
The smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves, the feel of the cool tiles of the patio under my feet, the taste of the salty air.
It’s a moment full of sensation, and I feel at once both overwhelmed and incredibly sad.
It’s breathtaking to experience something as magnanimous and dominating as the ocean, and I doubt anyone who has grown up near the beach will ever fully understand how it feels to see it for the first time.
But it’s also lonely, standing out here on the patio by myself. No friends or family at my side to revel in this newfound understanding of the world together.
Lucas seems like a nice person, and I’m honestly looking forward to getting to know him.
But I can’t help but wish Joshua was here with me.
I wonder if he ever saw the ocean. If he ever had this feeling in his chest when he heard the power of the waves.
I guess that’s something I’ll never know.
Unsure of how long I’ve been out on the patio, but recognizing that I’m finally starting to get a bit tired, I turn to go back inside.
The house is still dark, since I didn’t turn any lights on, which is why it’s easy to slip over to a corner when I hear footsteps padding down the stairs.
A girl giggling and a man making shushing noises.
Lucas and…
My eyes widen when I see the woman at his side.
Lennon.
I keep my mouth shut and stay tucked away as the two of them walk together to the front door.
“Thanks for letting me come over,” Lennon says when they stop in the entry. She wraps her arms around his waist and tilts her head back to look up at him. “You know I always have a good time with you.”
It’s hard to tell, but it looks like Lucas smiles at her. Leans down and whispers something in her ear. Goes in for a kiss.
I turn my eyes away, trying to tuck myself further into the corner where I stand, focusing on my fingernails. Lucas seems to be a bit of a playboy, if I’m reading everything correctly. He’s got a girlfriend at college, I think. And then there’s Paige, because I can’t be sure that relationship isn’t something. And now Lennon, who I thought he didn’t want around.
My earlier thought comes back to mind.
A different world and a different set of rules.
After another minute or two, a few moans and giggles, I finally hear the front door open and shut. Hear the lock being turned back into place.
I let out a quiet breath. Perfect. Now I just need to wait for Lucas to go back up to his room and I can…
The living room lights turn on, and Lucas and I lock eyes.
“I knew it,” he said, a smile on his face. “I could just feel it. Like a sibling sixth sense or something.”
I chuckle awkwardly, not sure what to do. “I’m so sorry,” I blurt out. “I was down here already and looking at the ocean because I was having a hard time going to sleep. I didn’t mean to…”
“Hannah.” That stern voice again. The one that’s a reprimand in just one word. My name. “It’s not a big deal. You live here, too. I’m not gonna have sex on the couch or something, okay? Anything that happens out here I’ll assume is public.”
My shoulders drop, relief rushing through me that he’s not upset. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of upsetting him when he’s done nothing but make sure I feel welcome since the minute we started emailing.
But the fear of upsetting my host is very real.
