Page 17 of Promise Me Nothing
I look back to him where he sits with an expression of extreme irritation.
“Why?”
“Because I’m a surfer,” he finally says, glaring at his friend. “Jesus, Paige, quit it with the cloak and dagger shit. It isn’t that big of a deal.” Looking back at me, his expression smooths out and he repeats himself. “It isn’t that big of a deal. I’ve won a few titles.”
“Nine of them,” Paige pipes in.
“I don’t get noticed often.”
“Uh, tryeverywhere we go.”
“Tourists think it’s cool, but the locals don’t care.”
“Theyliterallyconsider you a hometown hero.”
My eyes volley back and forth between the two of them. Their relationship, while confusing, kind of reminds me a little bit of what things were like with Joshua. Irritating but familiar. Argumentative but loving.
Joshua might have been eight years older than me, but I used to sass around with him a lot. And he loved it. He always told me never to lose that spirit.
I tried. I tried to stay myself when we went in to the system, but it really is a bitch that chews you up and spits you out. And when you come out, you just don’t look the same anymore.
I miss that.
Of course, I miss my brother, too.
Every day I wish I could see him again. Talk to him. Get his opinion on things.
But I also miss the other version of me.
The one that wasn’t so afraid of things. The one that didn’t have to work so hard to believe promises. That never assumed the worst.
She’s buried somewhere. Possibly dead. And I don’t know if she’ll ever resurface again.
“So don’t be surprised if people recognize him,” Paige says, bringing me back to the table. She lifts her drink and takes a sip from the tiny black straw. “Most of the time it doesn’t matter. They’ll just say hi or whatever. Maybe ask for a picture. And the people who live local are mostly just looking for some kind of invite to something, so they’re never rude. But every once in a while you get the crazies.”
I chuckle, then look at Lucas, who looks particularly uncomfortable. “So, can I Google you?”
He rolls his eyes. “The only things you’ll find are lies. Just fair warning if you do it.”
He’s trying to make it seem like it isn’t a big deal, but he’s failing. I don’t know why I can tell. Maybe it’s the new tension in his shoulders or the lack of honesty in the smile stretching tight on thin lips. Or maybe it’s simply that the mere idea of people starting to dig through my very lacking online presence has me feeling my own bit of discomfort. Regardless, I know the idea of me looking him up online makes him anxious.
“Oh, I’d rather not,” I say, hoping to assuage any fears he might have. “I’d rather let you tell me what I need to know about you.”
There’s a hint of surprise in his expression, though he wipes it clean as quickly as it appears.
“Well, you’re definitely not from around here, then,” Paige says, giggling and taking another sip of her drink.
Her words aren’t meant to wound. They’re flippant, said in the moment. And, honestly? Targeting something about myself that I don’t mind. The fact that I’m not a gossipmonger and I’m not obsessed with the internet.
But I can’t help that something sour twists inside of me at her words. Because she’s pointing out a truth I don’t want to accept just yet. That this place, like every other, is just another where I don’t belong.
“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” I say, sliding out of my side of the booth. “Can you order me a burger or something when the waitress comes back?”
Lucas nods, though his expression shifts to concerned. “Sure. Anything specific?”
I shake my head. “No. I’m simple. Whatever is fine.”
And then I head across the rooftop deck and down the stairs. I’d said I wanted to go to the bathroom so I could have a few moments to myself. But when I spot the exit sign in the corner, leading back out to Pier Ave, I book it in that direction, eager to get out of here, even if just for a few minutes.
