Page 140 of Promise Me Nothing
He hands the picture book over to me, one of the only possessions I’ve managed to keep throughout all the years of moving from home to home. Photos of me and Joshua and my parents. It’s the most important thing I own.
He sets it into my hands and flips it open, and I can’t help but let out a gasp.
It’s a picture of me, and Joshua… and Lucas. Sitting on a wall at the pier. A shop I now recognized in the background. We’re smiling, our arms around each other.
It never stood out to me because there’s no beach in the background. But there it is.
I put a hand over my mouth, the emotions in my chest welling up until they’re on the verge of spilling over.
“It makes sense that you wouldn’t remember. You were only a toddler.”
“I remember,” I whisper. My hand drops down to trace over our childhood faces, astonishment surging through my veins. “I kept telling dad that the air smelled like fish. And he took us all to that kid’s arcade with the ball pit.”
I look over at Lucas, my eyes wide.
“When the investigator gave me all of the information, all I could focus on was the fact I’d never get to know my dad. That all the ideas I had about some fictional relationship we might be able to have someday… that those weren’t ever going to come true.”
He pauses, and something painful comes over his face. “And then when I did start to think about you, I wondered if the only thing you’d care about was that I had money.”
I rear back. “I wouldnever…”
“I know that. Iknowthat. Now. But Hannah, I was a kid. A teenager. Growing in the surfing circuit. Starting to get fame and interest from other people. And I couldn’t help but worry that you wouldn’t want to know me, but you’d want what I could provide for you.” He sighs. “So I was selfish and cowardly, and I handed that file over to Wyatt and told him to just let me know if anything happened that I needed to know about.”
“So you told your friend to stalk me.”
But he shakes his head. “No, I know it sounds that way. But mostly it was supposed to be just keeping tabs in case… I don’t know. I could do anything? But we both pushed the knowledge of you to the side, moved on with our lives. Not realizing what you were going through all by yourself.”
A tear trickles down my face but I bat it away. “It’s not your fault that I was in foster care. I’d never set that guilt on you. Ever. I’m not upset you knew about me and didn’t contact me until later in life. I am so emotional about this, Lucas, because you literally brought me here and exploited my biggest weaknesses. My biggest fears.”
I pause, allowing myself the chance to wipe my tears into my blanket.
“I’m alone in the world. It’s just me. And people have used me for most of my life to get something they want for themselves. Have made me feel like my only worth is what they can take from me. To find out that you brought me here and then purposefully pretended to be my friend so you could…”
“I didn’t though. I swear it. None of this was pretend. I am so glad I know about you, that you agreed to come here and spend time getting to know me. I want you to be my sister. My friend. The stuff with Ivy was the excuse I used to finally do what I’d been too scared to do.
“Every minute of time we’ve spent together has been important to me. Maybe it started off the wrong way. But please don’t cut me out forever. I just got used to having a sister that I love and want around, and I don’t want to lose you because I was too cowardly to be honest.”
I don’t know how I feel about what he’s said, though it does feel like a small weight has lifted off my chest. Even if that doesn’t solve the problem.
“I love you, Hannah. I truly do. And if you hate me forever, I’ll completely understand. But I want to make sure you know that I love you. And it has nothing to do with Ivy, or anything you can give to anyone. It’s just because of who you are.”
Another tear trickles down my face.
I feel exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. All of my resources have been spent, and all I want to do is curl up and sleep this all away.
But I look at Lucas, who is so focused on me, his expression so earnest, and I feel that tiny little hope fairy in my heart begin to stir.
“I’ll think about it,” I whisper, tucking myself further into my blanket.
He puts an arm around my shoulders and presses a kiss to my temple. “That’s all I can ask.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Wyatt
It’s two whole weeks before I see her again. Ben told me to give it everything I had – getting her back – but I think some of giving everything means I have to fight against my normal response of putting myself in her space, instead choosing to respect what she wants.
And right now, she doesn’t want to see me.
