Page 127 of Promise Me Nothing
“It did work out,” he says, surprising me. “It wasn’t easy. And there were a lot of consequences along the way, things I had to atone for, ask forgiveness for… but it all turned out okay in the end.”
He picks up his beer and takes a sip, then lifts his hand up to flag Hannah to come over and give us the check.
She smiles and nods at him, and my heart pitches over.
Because when I look back out at the girl I’m falling for, when I consider all of the intricacies and the delicate relationships and problems moving forward, I just know.
I’m not able to see a future where things turn out okay.
For either of us.
That evening, when Hannah shows up at my door, I can tell something’s different.
She went home after her shift.
Showered.
Changed.
She smells amazing when she walks past me into the house, her hair damp and loose around her shoulders, that peachy lotion wafting around her and making me eager to press my face into her smooth skin.
We don’t open any alcohol, don’t turn on the TV, or focus on anything other than each other.
She just takes me by the hand and leads me into my room.
I follow her wordlessly, mesmerized with her sudden shift in confidence. Enamored by the way her eyes connect with mine.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” she says, pushing me lightly so I’m sitting on the edge of my bed. “And I think you were right. Sex isn’t something that we need to rush into. It should be something that happens when I’m ready.”
I nod, though a part of me wants to pop that earlier version of me in the face.
“Well, see, the thing is…” she pauses, takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I can’t imagine my first time being with anyone other than you.” She steps forward so she’s standing between my legs, brings her hands up to my neck, leans just slightly into me. “You’ve been so thoughtful, and caring, so intent on protecting me from making a premature decision about something that feels bigger than I can really imagine. And thank you. Thank you for caring enough that you didn’t just take because something was possibly available to you.”
She leans in and kisses me, just a soft kiss on the jaw. “But I know this is what I want. I know that if I were to ever have a man be with me in the most intimate way possible… that it wouldn’t be right if it wasn’t the man I was falling in love with.”
Her eyes search mine for just a second, but then she kisses me before I even have the capacity to respond. Her mouth opens against mine, her tongue tangling, tasting lightly of citrus and chocolate.
Before I can think about anything, I’m overwhelmed by her smell, by her taste, by everything she wants to give to me in this moment.
And like the selfish man I am, I decide to take.
I pull her into me, my hands on her ass, lifting her so she straddles me, and then I turn and lay her on the bed against the stack of pillows against the wall.
Taking a moment to look at her, I see flushed cheeks and pouty lips and eyes looking at me, wide and filled with desire.
And then I press my lips to hers, and our kisses are frantic. Like we’ve been so starved for so long and we’re finally being given some sort of sustenance in an unlimited supply. I can’t help but take and take and take, hoping to fill me to the brim when I’ve been living on empty for so long.
We pull off our clothes quickly, having gotten used to being partially naked with each other from all of the other times we’ve fooled around. But this time, as I hover above her in just my boxers, and she reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra, a lacy black thing that I’ve never seen her wear before, it feels supremely different.
Infinitely more important.
Like she’s offering herself to me as a gift, and it’s my job to accept it with incredible gratitude. With the slow reverence she deserves.
I hold her in place, stopping her from removing it herself, and she gives me a questioning look, probably worried that I’m going to stop us from moving forward. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I only want us to slow it down. Savor every breath and sigh and moan and peek of skin.
My hands rise to pull her straps over her shoulders, and I bend my head so I can kiss the areas being revealed.
She smiles, sighs, rests her hands in my hair, relinquishing control to me so I can lead us where we need to go.
