Page 105 of Promise Me Nothing
When he’d dropped to his knees in front of me, I felt like I was starring in one of the hottest fantasies I could ever possibly imagine. My body gets hot now, just thinking about it, and it takes a concerted effort to push those thoughts aside instead of letting my hand slip between my soapy thighs.
I focus on giving my body a rinse and wash. Shaving my legs. Trimming my bikini line.
I’d been willing to invite him inside. The words popped out without me even realizing it.
Even more startling than the fact that Isaidthose words is the fact I’dmeantthem. I wanted him to come inside, both the house and me. Be my first.
There are all of these things out there trying to convince young people that it’s strange to be a virgin at twenty-one. But I disagree with all of those things. If the average age for cherry popping is seventeen, that means there are tons of people who lose it much older, even older than I am.
And the last thing I needed when I was in high school was to get accidentally pregnant when I could barely envision a future for myself.
I never really think about sex, though, having never really felt like it was something I wanted or needed. After what happened with Rob, it always felt like something violent, something aggressive. Like something was going to be taken from me when I’ve always felt like too much had already been stolen away.
But now, with Wyatt, I feel different. Like this could be the right time. The right man.
His mouth and his hands and the way that he looks at me… it makes me feel like he sees sex as a time to give, not take. Give pleasure, give emotion, give connection.
It’s a beautiful feeling.
I shake my head, trying to redirect my thoughts.
He’ll be leaving at the end of the summer. And even if he wasn’t, I probably will be. There aren’t any expectations of long-time love, a future, a forever.
There isn’t anywhere for a broken promise to fall.
And that suits me perfectly.
I just wonder if I’ll have the courage to talk to him about it, or if I’ll just try to hide it. Though even thinking that feels stupid.
I finish cleaning up and step out of the shower. Once I’ve dried and slipped on something cute to wear – the white bikini from Wyatt’s that he insisted I keep, with a pair of jean shorts and a deep blue tank top – I grab my phone and head downstairs.
Stepping out onto the balcony, I take a picture of the growing craziness on The Strand and send it off to Lucas with a message.
Me: Things here are great. Parties already happening down the way. Can’t wait to see what things are like today!
It only takes a few minutes for him to respond.
Lucas: Just be careful and smart. Memorial Day is pretty chill, though. It’s 4th of July that’s lit. Can’t wait for you to see it!
I smile, staying out on the balcony for a few more minutes and watching the people go by, the noise level rising as time passes.
Someone has set up some speakers out front on The Strand, blasting some R&B music. A group of guys jump up onto the patio wall at the neighboring house, dancing with their shirts off and red solo cups in their hands.
I laugh at their antics and one of them glances up my way, singing along to some ridiculous song I’ve never heard of.
I push myself to enjoy the attention instead of shy away from it, giving them a wave. Then I head back inside, jogging upstairs to finish getting ready.
There’s only one person’s attention I want today, and he’s going to be here soon.
"This is so cool,” I say, smiling at Wyatt as we lay out our towels.
When he picked me up a little while ago, he pulled up on his bike with a cooler resting on a small wagon he was towing, wearing a backpack full of beach stuff. I grabbed my own bike, then we rode down The Strand, half-way between Lucas’ place and the pier.
We locked our bikes up and carried the cooler out to a volleyball net, my eyes lighting up when I saw Paige and a few familiar faces.
Including Eleanor.
Now that we’ve said hello to everyone and added our cooler to the stack of coolers filled with beers and pre-mixed drinks, it’s apparently time to watch a few of the guys make fools of themselves by playing volleyball.
