Page 82 of Like You Want It
I tried to argue in my head that it didn’t matter. That he probably didn’t want to talk to me about sex in front of his sister, whether she was sleeping or not.
And I made sure to remind myself that what I’d wanted from him in that moment in the shower was just to ease the ache I’d been feeling. Something delicious, but nothing serious.
Our fun time in the shower was… fun.Reallyfun. But I was pretty sure Fin wasn’t interested in anything more than feeling good. And while I might have wanted the same thing in that moment, I also knew my heart. I can’t be in a sexual relationship with someone who doesn’t have feelings for me.
While Fin might have feelings, they’re inconsistent. Uncertain. And that’s not my cup of tea.
When we finally got back that night, I’d waved goodbye to both of them, choosing not to offer my help unloading the car of the few boxes of personal items that Susie opted to bring home. Instead, I made a beeline straight for my own apartment, the safety of my comfy pajamas, the security of my own bed and pillow.
I hadn’t even finished changing when there was a knock on my door, and I was genuinely stunned when I opened it to Fin, arm braced on the door frame, what looked like agony covering his face.
“What’s going…”
I didn’t even get to finish my sentence before he placed his hands on either side of my face and pressed his lips to mine, pushed into my apartment and closed the door.
He moaned as our tongues twirled, and everything in me begged to give in. His kiss deepened and his hands stroked my face, then threaded up into my hair, which was still wild from the pool and shower earlier.
And then his hands had dropped to my ass, giving it a squeeze and pulling me into him.
I was so close.Soclose, to just giving in to whatever he was there for because I knew it would make me feel so damn good. That we were good together. Could begreattogether.
But then I remembered what he looked like the night before. When I offered him to stay at my place and he was preparing to shut me down.
The way he looked at me earlier that evening before we’d had sex. Like he was fine with a fifty-foot wall between us. The fact he didn’t think anything happening with us was a good idea.
And sex wasn’t gonna change something like that for a man like Fin.
So, instead of giving in. Grabbing him. Bringing him to my bed. Doing what my body wanted me to do.
I pulled back.
My thoughts might not have been enough to keep me from having sex with him just hours before. A moment of weakness, I guess.
But it was enough right then to stop things before they started.
His lips tried to chase mine, slipped to my neck, and I had to physically step away from him to create space.
He looked confused, drunk on the same lust that ran through me. His eyes were glazed, mouth half open, breath heavy. And I could see his dick pressing firmly against his shorts, ready to dive in to the round two we hadn’t gotten the night before.
“What do you want from me, Fin?”
It’s all I said, but he seemed to sober enough to run a hand over his little bit of stubble, through his hair.
He was silent for a moment as his cloudy eyes cleared and his body calmed down.
“I just…”
But he trailed off and didn’t say anything else. Instead choosing to do what he did best.
He shut down. Clamped up. Didn’t say a word.
Before he turned on his heel and left.
Just as quickly as he came, he exited through the same door, closing it softly.
I’d stood there, still, until I heard him go up the stairs, his heavy feet echoing through the stairwell and permeating into my apartment.
I never heard him leave, so my assumption was that he stayed at Susie’s. But his SUV was gone the following morning, and so was he.
