Page 77 of Like You Want It
I should know better than to stoop to my brother’s level. Lying to my parents, being underhanded, trying to trip up my stupid brother. That’s his M.O., not mine.
And now Susie has been caught in the crossfire, though I’m pretty sure my parents are oblivious.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Noah murmurs in my direction, loud enough for me to hear but nothing to grab my parents’ attention. “That’s the Fin we all know and love. Taking whatever he wants, even when it doesn’t belong to him.”
I grind my teeth together. “I’ll be right back,” I say, not looking at Noah as I follow Susie outside.
The temperature has dropped considerably, which is a nice change from evenings in Rosemead, where the nighttime heat can be just as warm as the day. Sometimes, I’m a little jealous that I never got to live in this house as a kid and have quick access to the beach.
We bounced around a lot growing up until my mom left the military and we moved to an amazing little town called Arcadia. It’s a great area to live, and even though I was only there for high school before heading off to the Academy, it made me love Southern California, which is why I was happy to return when I was stationed at Coronado.
But I guess mom and dad never felt as connected to Arcadia as I did. They were thrilled when my mom got the job a few hours south, at UC San Diego. They moved as soon as I graduated.
Noah only had two more years of high school left, but he loved the move to a beach town, figuring it would be more fun to figure out what he wanted to do with his life with a surfboard in-hand. It took him a while before he figured out what he wanted to do, but he worked his ass off at any job he could find so he could move out.
He has always loved having his freedom and privacy. Though, if I know my brother at all, I’d say he changes things up in the next year or so. He always adapted well whenever my parents made us pick up and move, quickly making friends. I think he misses the adventure of it.
I wasn’t a huge fan of the moves, but I tried to make the best of it. It helped me adapt to new settings when I was in the military.
Susie, though… she’s a different story altogether. She didn’t handle it well at all, often breaking into tears at how alone she felt. It didn’t help that the onlyfriendshe made was a manipulative bitch.
And then she fell in with the wrong crowd. The people who made her feel like she belonged were also the ones who made her feel like she couldn’t fit anywhere else. That drugs were the only way she could feel better.
Her life hasn’t been easy. And if I have to guess? That loneliness has never really gone away. Maybe not until this friendship with Carly.
And now, she sees me as a threat. Someone who may return her to that state of loneliness that she has been working so hard not to give in to. The place that tells her that drugs will make her feel better.
She sits on the ground next to the fire pit, her back pressed against a short wall of stucco that divides the space from the grill station. She stares blankly into the flame, her eyes glassy and glazed over as I drop myself down next to her, making sure to give her the physical space I know she wants.
She’s silent for a few minutes, holding Nell, who is squirming in her lap and playing with a Barbie doll that my mom brought down, though I think it might have chokable pieces on it.
“Is that Barbie safe for Nell?” I ask.
Susie’s head turns my way and her eyes slice right through me. “Of course it is. I got rid of the pieces she could choke on. I’m not a complete idiot.” Then her eyes turn back to the fire. “Or at least, I didn’t think so.”
I scratch my neck uncomfortably, knowing we’re about to veer into conversational territory that we haven’t hashed out. Thatshouldhave been dealt with… years ago.
But much like the rest of my family, I tend to push those things to the side. Avoidance doesn’t solve problems, but it does help you believe there aren’t any to deal with. And when you’re a man that feels like problems are all you’ve got, it can provide some much needed relief.
Though it never lasts.
“I just want to tell you that this isn’t like what happened with Ashley.”
Susie’s eyes water again, and I know that the minute she stops staring blankly at the fire and allows herself to blink, they’re going to spill down her cheeks. Pour down her face, the embodiment of every fear she has overflowing from her body.
“It might look like it, but Ipromiseyou. It’s different. Carly isn’t using you to get to me.”
My sister scoffs, wiping her hands on her face to erase the tears that sneak free.
“I’m serious, Susie. She wants to be your friend. Enough to put up with the way I’ve been treating her, which hasn’t been very nice, according to her. I mean, you remember the interrogation from dinner a few weeks ago, right?”
She stays silent and I lean back against the stucco wall, stretching out my legs so they rest on the base of the fire pit’s circular form.
“This is all… kind of… new, I guess.” I roll my eyes, remembering an important fact. “What am I even saying? We’re not even dating. I just said that to Noah so he’d stay away from her.”
Susie scrunches up her brows and looks at me, a few tracks on her cheeks reflecting the fire that’s quickly becoming stifling.
“What?”
