Page 113 of Like You Want It
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CARLY
The next morning, Susie strolls in to The Steam Room bright and early. I beam at her and Nell as they come in, walking around the counter to give them hugs, morning rush be damned.
“Will you have free time at all?” she asks.
I nod, glancing at the line that Jet is currently helping, and then the clock. “We normally get a lull at the top of every hour. Jet should be okay on his own, then. Can you hang out for fifteen minutes? I should be able to come sit with you for a few.”
Susie agrees and then takes Nell over to one of the comfy couches near a coffee table.
I hustle my butt back behind the counter and propel us through orders, backing Jet up as he works the register.
Ten iced lattes, eight flat whites, three drip coffees and a monstrous amount of pastries later, I’m finally able to take a little break. I pull off my apron, chuck it in the back with the other dirty laundry, and snag a quick half-caf. Then I head over to where Susie and Nell are still sitting together, playing with some small toys that Susie brought in a side bag.
“I’ve been meaning to mention this, but she does so well in crowds,” I say, blowing on the steam that’s rising out of my coffee cup. “Is there some secret to that I can share with other customers?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “Honestly, I think she just has a good temperament right now. It’ll change soon, though. All of the parenting books I’ve been reading let me know that the quieter they are when they’re babies and toddlers, the wilder they are as they get older.”
“I must have been an incredibly quiet child,” I reply, and we both have a laugh. “So how was last night? Did you do okay on your own?”
The expression on Susie’s face is uncertain. “I think so. I mean, it was great being able to wake up and get her ready and spend normal time with her, but…” she trails off, looking at Nell and bouncing her in her lap.
“But?”
Then she looks back at me, her eyes misty. “I’m scared that I’m gonna let her down.”
I shake my head. “You’re not. You know why? Because you’re scared about it. Wanna know the people who let down their kids? The ones who don’t care enough to care that they are shitty parents. Or the ones who think they’re really fucking amazing, because you know those people end up being thecool momswith spoiled, entitled brats for offspring.”
Susie giggles.
I reach out and place a hand on hers. “I don’t have kids, so you can take my opinion or leave it. I won’t be offended either way. But I think it makes sense that you’re afraid. You’re feeling the pressure of everyone’s expectations. Your parents that want you to be happy, your brother who sacrificed for you and you don’t want to let down, your daughter who will imitate you based on how you handle things.” I shrug. “And yourself. You told me you were mortified when you realized the mistake you’d made, turning back to drugs to solve your problems. So you have an expectation that you can turn your back on that and be perfect. And while that first part is important, the second part isn’t.No oneis a perfect parent.”
She squeezes my hand then pulls Nell in tight, giving her a hug and kissing the side of her face. The kid barely notices, fascinated instead with Susie’s necklace.
“I think you’re right,” she finally responds. “I’ll probably just need to learn to live with that fear of failure, huh?”
“Probably. I don’t see it getting any easier.”
Susie rolls her eyes. “Such an exciting life coming up. Riddled with fear.”
“Or,” I interject, my eyes bright, “a life filled with courage.”
She goes silent after that, and we sit for a few minutes together, just being friends, watching her daughter.
Until my mind veers towards Fin.
I took Susie’s word last night that it was okay for Fin and I to move things from acquaintances to sex friends – such a great pathway – but I feel like it needs clarifying.
“Hey, I just want to double check about what you said last night. Me and Fin. That you really mean that. Because I don’t want anything to get in the way of our friendship.”
Susie grins, but doesn’t look at me. “Carly, if you want to get involved with my brother, that’s completely up to you. I might not think it’s a good idea, but I do believe you when you say that our friendship won’t be impacted. Or at least, that youbelievewhat you’re saying.”
My brow dips. “Is there a reason you think it’s a bad idea?”
She sighs, setting Nell’s feet on the ground so she can dance around a little between Susie’s legs. “Well, maybe not abadidea. I just… think I know where Fin is at in life and, I don’t know.” She looks up at me. “I love him to death, and I’m sorry for saying it this way, but he will just want sex from you. Nothing else. If that’s all you want, I’m sure you’ll be fine. But I don’t see that being the type of relationship you want.”
I swallow hard. Or at least I try to. But my mouth is suddenly dry, and I realize for the second time that having someone call out the uncomfortable conversation isn’t as easy when you’re on the receiving end.
