Page 67 of The Keeper
“See you at practice on Saturday!” Piper said, her voice the epitome of cheer as she basked in the glow of her three goals.
I gave her a small, forced smile and a wave, then looked back at Mack.
“I thought we were both in this, together. What changed between Sunday and yesterday?”
It took me a moment to muster up the courage to say what I wanted, and when the words fell from my lips I felt physically ill.
“I decided I don’t want to sneak around, Mack.”
“So you immediately accept a date with Thomas? Where is this coming from?”
I shrugged, because I didn’t know what else to do.
“You know this thing between us is something special, and you’re just going to throw it away?”
I shrugged again, feeling incredibly immature, but also incapable of verbalizing anything that would advance the conversation.
“You didn’t even want to talk to me about it? We could have figured something out. We could have waited until you graduated, or… or I could have…”
“It’s not worth it to me.”
I cut him off before he could say he would quit his job. But the words that popped out of my mouth were much more cruel than I had intended. His mouth parted in surprise and his brows furrowed.
“It’s not worth it to me to put my life on hold until May. I don’t want to have to wait.”
He stared at me for a few seconds before I turned and walked as confidently as I could muster out of the practice facility to the parking lot. And then when I reached my car and closed myself inside, I cried. I cried all the way home, I cried in the shower, and I cried in bed.
I should have just told him.
I should have told him that I heard the conversation, and gone with the original plan to wait.
But after seeing Mack storm away after practice and seeing how dejected he looked at the game, I knew that the only way for us to move forward would be separately. And to do that we would need to put a pin in everything.
The longing glances would stop. The stolen kisses when no one was looking would stop. But only if I hurt him. I just wasn’t prepared for what the words would feel like once they left my mouth. It was vile, and I could barely stand the sight of myself.
“I can’t believe you said that shit to him,” Charlie’s voice snaps me out of a memory that’s making me physically ill. “You should have just been fucking honest!”
She’s shouting. Like, actually shouting.
“You don’t live my life, Charlie,” I say in exasperation. “You don’t get to tell me what choices I should and shouldn’t be making.”
“You know what? Fine! But when you realize the mistake you’ve made, and you actually sit and reflect on what a miserablebitchyou were, how hurtful you were to a man who has been nothing but open and kind and vulnerable with you,don’tcome talk to me about it. Because my response is going to be a nasty littleI told you so.” And with that, she storms out of my room and slams her bedroom door.
I huff out another sigh. I feel like that’s all I’ve been doing all day. Sighing about my life, when in reality, I’ve made these decisions myself, so I shouldn’t be disappointed.
God, but the look in Mack’s eyes. Actually saying the wordsIt’s not worth it to me? I don’t think I’ve ever said something in such an intentionally hurtful way to someone who didn’t deserve it.
But I can’t let Mack quit his job or get fired over me. Especially when I don’t think I wouldn’t make the same risk for him. He took that step forward and reached back for me, and I literally spit in his hand and walked in the other direction.
I let out a groan and lean back against the foot of my bed. So this is what it feels like to be a bitch? I don’t know how Gina does it every day. It’s exhausting.
Chapter Thirteen
When Friday night rolls around, I’m nearly sick with anxiety. I fought with myself for hours today, talking myself in and out of calling Thomas and canceling. Ultimately, I chose to go with the flow. Going on a normal date like a normal college student is… well, it’s normal. It’s what I should be doing, instead of sneaking around and hiding with my coach, making out on the floor of my apartment and in dark parking lots.
Charlie has been stomping around the apartment all evening, making her distaste for the entire situation known. Her glares have not gone unnoticed, either.
“I’m leaving!” She shouts to me from the entry.
