Page 87 of The Keeper
“What did he do?”
“God. He… he called me names. Which I know sounds like no big deal, but hearing him call me a whore and worthless and a fucking dyke on a daily basis was… I don’t know. And it wasn’t just that. He started hitting me.”
“Rachel…”
“He slapped and choked and punched and kicked. Over and over. For three years.”
Jeremy leans over and braces himself on the counter, his face white.
“It got so bad that I…” I stop, my stomach twisting at the idea of revealing my darkness to Jeremy. “I tried to kill myself.”
“Oh my god,” he whispers, before he awkwardly folds in on himself and sits on the floor, his back to the cabinets.
I fly around the island and wrap my arms around him. At first he’s almost limp in my arms, but then he clings to me, so tight, so close, like he can banish away anything harmful or hurtful if he holds me tight enough.
“Rachel I’m so sorry.”
We stay like that, holding each other, for ages. Jeremy whispering apologies, both of us emotional and upset.
“I’ll give you anything you need. You need therapy, I’ll cover it. You need to go to the gym to beat the shit out of a bag, I’ll take you.”
I let out a half laugh through my tears.
“Thanks, Jer.”
He pulls back and looks at me.
“How did I not know? I could have…”
But I shake my head, almost violently.
“You didn’t know because I didn’t tell you. I hid it. It’s not your fault.”
Jeremy wraps his arms around me again, holding me close as we sit on the kitchen floor. After a few minutes of silence, just as I’m about to get up, he speaks again.
“I should have known something was wrong.”
“No, Jer…”
“I should have known!” he almost shouts. “I could see you were more withdrawn every time I came home. I could see you were thinner, and unhappy. You always looked a little more pale. And that one time I saw bruising and you said it was…” he can barely choke out the words, “… it was from practice. It was that asshole beating you! I knew something was wrong but I was so wrapped up in my own shit I didn’t even notice!”
“I promise you,” I whisper, “I promise you that this is not your fault. I did everything I could to keep you from knowing.”
“Why?”
I shrug.
“I didn’t want to burden you. You were finally free and I didn’t want to add to…”
“Seriously?”
I just sit and stare at the floor, unsure how to answer when I know he won’t want to hear it.
“You are never a burden, Rachel. Never. Not ever.” I can feel the sting of tears again at his words. “You are the best thing in my life, Rach.”
“But I didn’t want to risk you being on his side.”
The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them and I slap my hand over my mouth like a cartoon. I can’t believe I just said that out loud, and when I look up at Jeremy, his face is enraged, mortified, astounded.
