Page 86 of The Keeper
This is going to be hard. And it’s made even harder by the fact that Jeremy is still looking at me with that same face, the one that says he’s really worried. And I know this is going to be just as hard for him as it is for me.
“Well…” I clear my throat, trying to remember what I wanted to say but drawing a blank. “Sorry, this is hard. Uhm…”
“You’re making me nervous, Rach. Whatever it is, just rip off the bandaid.”
“Okay.” I shake out my arms, trying to loosen the tension that has taken over my body. “I’m wondering if I can borrow some money so I can go back to therapy.”
Jeremy’s head jerks back.
“Therapy? Why?”
“I just… have some things I need to work through.”
“And you can’t talk to me about it? I can give you some advice.”
I shake my head.
“I appreciate that, I do. But this isn’t about getting advice. This is something I need to do. For me.”
He pauses, surveying me, like he’s trying to figure it out without me saying anything.
“Wait. You saidbackto therapy.”
I nod.
“Yeah.”
“When did you go before?”
“Freshman year until the middle of sophomore year, but I ran out of free sessions so I stopped going because I can’t afford it.”
God, getting out that entire sentence was like trying to sing a note when you’re out of breath, so you just push on and your voice begins to sound thinner.
Jeremy slowly unwraps his burrito, his eyes focused on the task.
“And you can’t talk to me about it? I mean, I’ll give you the money, no problem. I’m always here to help you. But if you’re going through something I want to be able to help, you know?”
I pick at my own burrito, struggling to get the words out.
“It just has to do with… dad.”
“What about dad?”
“Just some stuff from senior year.”
Jeremy stops chewing on the bite he just inhaled, swallowing loudly.
“Did something happen?” At my silence, he prods again. “Rachel, if something happened…”
We stand in silence, staring at each other.
“Please tell me.”
His voice is a whisper, and I know I have to tell him. I can’t protect him from this truth anymore.
I let out a rush of breath.
“After you left… he… got worse.”
