Page 79 of The Keeper
He leans forward slightly, and presses his lips to my forehead, then my temple, and my entire body finally releases into a puddle wrapped in his arms as I let go of the final piece of tension and anxiety left over from my attack.
We lay wrapped in each other for who knows how long.
It’s safe.
It’s warm.
My heart rate picks up and calms at the same time. And his hand never slows on my back. Not even when his phone rings.
And rings.
And rings.
Not even when there’s a knock on the door.
But ignoring it doesn’t do either of us any good when the door just opens and I hear her.
“Mack, what are you doing?”
His hand stills, and when my eyes dart to his face, I see him staring above my head at the front door.
“I thought we hadplansfor tonight.”
And the way she said plans, I have a very clear picture of what she means.
I know Mack feels me tense in his arms, and I can simultaneously feel him struggle with whether or not to hold me tighter or let me go.
“Don’t worry, Ronnie, I was just leaving.” I say, pulling myself out of Mack’s arms, righting myself and standing too quickly.
Mack reaches out to brace me, but I lean on the edge of the couch instead, shying away from his hands.
“RJ, you shouldn’t go anywhere right now. You need more time to calm down. You could get in an accident.” His tone is desperate, and I can only imagine what he’s thinking.
I shake my head, pushing away from the couch as I find my balance.
“I’ll sit in my car for a few minutes and if I don’t feel better I’ll call Jeremy.”
I walk briskly to the door, grabbing my purse from the table next to it.
“RJ, we still need to talk about…”
“Aboutwhat,Mack?” I respond, not looking at him as I dig through my purse for my keys.
All of the calm and serenity I felt in his arms just a moment ago has faded, replaced by my own insecurity.
“About the fact I just embarrassed myself by having a full blown panic attack for the first time in two years? About the fact that you and I have no business being anywhere near each other because we keeping saying and doing stupid shit?”
I pause as I see Ronnie shuffling back and forth in the doorway out of the corner of my eye. I look to Mack, my eyes probably watery, my body exhausted, my mind a mess.
“Or about how youdouble bookedfor tonight?”
His eyes widen slightly, as I turn and storm past Ronnie and through the yard between his house and Amy’s.
I think I hear him call my name once, but then I hear the door to his house slam closed and I keep moving towards the street, my steps never faltering.
* * * * *
I’m not surprised when I’m snuggled into pajamas, staring blankly at the TV, and I hear a knock at the door. When a minute goes by and a knock comes again without the slightest move from me, Charlie glances at me for a second before pausing the movie and walking to the door. I hear it open, I hear murmuring for a few minutes, and then I hear the door close just as quietly as it was opened.
