Page 72 of The Keeper
What should bolster my flagging energy is Mack’s appearance. He looks a little bit nauseous and a lot exhausted, and has been defaulting to Coach Johnson’s lead all morning.
But in reality, I can’t feel good that Mack looks so bad. Because his appearance and lack of focus is simply a reminder that he spent the night with Ronnie. I spend the entire practice fighting off images of the two of them twisted up in a sweaty mess in what are likely 1000 thread count sheets on Ronnie’s round, rotating bed surrounded by mirrors.
Okay, so I doubt any of that’s true, but it helps just a little to pretend she’s a bad porn star instead of what she really is.
Gorgeous.
Perfect.
The literal antithesis to my average and awkward self.
As the morning progresses, my upset mood sways back and forth between sadness and anger. At one point, I attempt apathy and disinterest, but fail. And unfortunately, for both me and for Mack, as practice wraps up, it stays firmly planted in anger that unleashes itself when I find myself in the doorway of Mack’s office.
“Rough night,coach?” The words are from my lips before I can stop them.
Mack’s head snaps up from his desk where he is taking notes, his eyes locking on me then straying behind me to the empty doorway, presumably to confirm that I’m alone.
“You could say that,” he replies warily. Then his face changes just slightly, revealing just the hint of bitterness. “How was your date?” he spits out.
“My evening was absolutely fantastic,” I respond with a fake smile. “It was pretty enlightening, actually.”
Mack’s eyes dart away at my words, then lock back in on me.
“I feel like you’re trying to be a smart-ass but I don’t know why.” So matter-of-fact. “You’rethe one who set up a date with someone else, RJ.”
Still standing in the open doorway, I step inside and close the door behind me.
“I cancelled my date.”
Mack’s mouth opens just a fraction in surprise. The anger that has been holding my heart in a vice finally loosens as sadness floods my body.
“I heard the phone call,” I whisper. “With Amy. About you possibly losing your job.”
Mack is silent as he watches me, shock still evident on his face.
I shake my head slightly.
“Accepting the date with Thomas was a knee-jerk reaction and a mistake. I was going to talk to you about it, about the fact I overheard, at practice that day when Thomas mentioned our plans. When I saw how hurt you were, it just seemed like an easier way to manage it. It would be easier to let you be mad at me than to risk losing your job. But when Thomas showed up at my house on Friday I couldn’t do it. I knew it wasn’t right. Knew that I was betraying something special.”
I stand and walk to the small window, looking out at the sky without really seeing anything other than a blur.
“And then Charlie told me she thought it was Jeremy who threatened your job. Something about overhearing a phone call between the two of you. I don’t even know the whole story, just that it was his fault. So I went out to find him last night.”
I turn around and face Mack where he still sits at his desk.
“At Smoggy Tavern.”
Mack’s face goes slack and he looks down at his desk, his eyes moving rapidly across the papers scattered in front of him.
“And I confronted Jeremy. And then Jeremy dragged me inside and there you were, with Ronnie. On the dance floor.”
A tear slips down my cheek and I quickly bat it away.
“And the thing is, I shouldn’t be this upset because you aren’t mine. So maybe us falling apart solves the problem, Mack.”
I shrug, trying to play everything off.
“Maybe us ‘figuring things out’ just meant figuring out that we aren’t a fit. It’s not just bad timing. What you want in a girl… I can’t be that and I don’t want to be.”
