Page 60 of Indulgence
“You can’t live in this stage of regret,” Norah said, pushing her entrée aside. “That’s what this is—it’s regret, and you need to push through. Move past this with Matteo, not alone. Let go of that fear about what could’ve been and focus on what is still here.”
She makes it sound so easy. “How?”
“That’s for you guys to figure out,” Norah replied. “But I think that after fourteen years, he deserves for you to try—unless, of course, that isn’t what you want. Are you thinking about leaving him?”
Just the thought of that made my heart hurt. “No, I don’t want to leave him, but I can’t figure out how to stay with him either. I can’t stop seeing what could have been in my mind. It’s like a reel of torture that plays over and over.”
“Well, like I said, the first step is moving past the fear. It’s no longer relevant,” Pen said. “Then I guess your second step would be to talk to Matteo. Be honest with him, trust that you two will do what you always have done and get through this together.”
I nodded, completely exhausted as I picked up my fork and started in on the roasted potatoes on my plate. My stomach begged for food while also rebelling against the idea of it.
Norah and Pen transitioned the conversation from my problems to this week’s episode ofThe Bachelor. I thought that show was dumb, and they knew it. They were giving me a few moments with my thoughts.
My dinner didn’t have a taste. It smelled good, looked good, but I didn’t taste it at all. My mind whirled with everything these two laid out for me and it made me sick to my stomach. Everything felt so impossible. All I could see were trees, there was no forest in sight for me. How did I get past the trees to see the forest?
“Nat?” Norah’s hand slid over to cover mine. “Hey, you okay?”
I blinked and shook my head, trying to clear the mess. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I’m going to get your car,” she repeated. “I asked for your keys and where you’re parked.”
The waiter came by with the check, and Pen grabbed it. “I’ll go take care of this and use the restroom. I’ll meet you out front.”
I hadn’t realized we’d finished dinner. I didn’t remember eating or drinking the rest of the wine in the bottle. Digging into my bag, I pulled out my keys for Norah. “I’m around the corner.”
She nodded. “I’ll meet you back at Pen’s.”
My eyes landed on the last two or three sips sitting in my glass. Why not? I was going back to Pen’s to think about how pathetic my life had become. I’m just grateful the kids are in camp and aren’t here to see this mess.
“Natalie?” A gruff voice startled me, and my eyes darted over my shoulder to find the watcher from Immersion standing at the end of our table. For a second, everything felt surreal, and I fidgeted, trying to remember the guy’s name.
Gerald? No. “Gerard?” I hoped that was his name.
He smiled warmly, as if my getting his name right was the best part of his day. He nodded. “Sorry to interrupt your meal, but I saw you earlier, and when your friends left, I couldn’t resist checking on you to make sure you were okay.”
Make sure I was okay? That was odd. This man kept getting more bizarre each time I crossed paths with him.
Hairs on the back of my neck rose at the strangeness of this conversation. “I’m all right.”
He looked me over as if he didn’t believe me. “I haven’t seen you since that night we last spoke. I was worried that something had happened. Everyone okay? Jackson? Emma?”
I didn’t like the way my children’s names spilled from his lips or that he even knew their names at all. An eerie feeling settled over me. He was doing more than just watching that day in the sauna. He was listening, but more than that, he was cementing facts about my life in his mind.
“I’m fine. Just busy. My husband and I are taking a break right now.”
Penelope returned, looking at me as if I’d grown a second head while she was gone. Gerard’s eyes narrowed a bit and got a beady glaze to them. “I’m sorry to hear that.” He glanced at Pen and then back to me. “Well, I hope to see you again soon.”
As he walked away, a chill ran down my spine, and I made a mental promise that if I ever ran into him at the club again, I would leave immediately. I didn’t like the way he glanced back over his shoulder at me as he returned to his seat at the bar with a buddy.
I felt their eyes on me like a smarmy touch.
Penelope angled her face away from the two men watching us and asked, “Who was that guy? You looked uncomfortable talking to him.”
Trying to match her subtly, I whispered, “A guy from Impressions.”
Penelope looked shocked and a bit grossed out. “What did he want? Is he allowed to talk to you? Like don’t you have NDAs and stuff?”
My fingers tightened on the strap of my purse as I slung it over my shoulder. I was ready to get out of there. I didn’t like that my two worlds were colliding again. “I think that’s why he waited for you two to be gone. He didn’t mention the club but did say he was concerned because he hadn’t seen us in two weeks.”
