Page 13 of Indulgence
Her eyes glistened. “It didn’t start out that way. At first, it seemed more like I couldn’t concentrate. My mind wouldn’t stop thinking about the kids or work or laundry. We were always rushing. I had a hard time getting into it. Not all the time but often enough that I started faking. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I didn’t want you to think that you weren’t enough for me or anything, but I couldn’t stop imagining myself as those girls in the videos.”
With a thumb, I wiped away a tear that hung from her lashes. “We’re humans. We’re supposed to grow and expand our horizons. Even in the bedroom. It’s healthy. Keeping things from me is more hurtful than your honesty. I’d like very much for you to tell me what’s been going on.”
She seemed to have an internal battle for a few moments as she looked down to the hands wringing in her lap and back to my eyes. “What do you mean exactly?”
“Tell me what you fantasize about?” I clarify and let my lips tip up in a grin. “As you can see, I’m not opposed to the idea of playing them out. I just need to know what you’re thinking about. What you want. There’s no judgment from me, love. All I want to do is make you happy. Making you happy makes me happy. And, in case you were wondering, last night was absolutely amazing. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel being in that role, but I liked it. A lot. It was hot. There are no other words to describe it.”
“What role is that?”
“An Alpha,” I said with a flick of my wrist. “Or whatever you call those guys from your books.”
“My books?” She chuckled. “You read them?”
“Just a few,” I admitted, trying to look chagrin. Reading her books was the slightly embarrassing truth of how far I’d go for my wife. “You and the girls always talk about how much you love the men in them. I figured that could give me some insight into what was going on in your head and what you were looking for.”
“Wow, you really went all out on the research, huh?” I shrugged. “Why didn’t you just ask me like you are now?”
“Because I wanted you to tell me.” I paused and gave her a pointed look, letting my eyes convey some of my frustration with her and her secret. “And, when you didn’t, I figured you were convincing yourself that you were the problem. I needed to show you—as well as see for myself—if this was something you wanted.” I paused again. “Or if we were dealing with something else altogether different.”
The unspoken question hung heavy and ominous between us. Did she want this or did she want someone else? I was steadfast in my confidence in our relationship, but having Natalie confirm it couldn’t hurt the situation.
She picked up my question without the words and shook her head. “I love you.Youare who I want. It’s just I was stuck in my head, imagining all these different things. I kept thinking about what it would be like if you smacked my ass or pushed me down and just had your way with me or . . .”
“What if there was someone else filling you with me?” I gave her a cheeky smirk. I knew she favored that kind of porn, and one of the books she had recently read was about best friends who shared a woman.
She didn’t return the smirk, clearly too stunned to form words, so I cut her a break.
“What?” I stood and pulled her up with me. “You seemed to like those videos best. And you had quite a few highlighted sections in that ménage book. It isn’t a big deal. We have plenty of time to figure out if you really want it. What we don’t have much time for, however, is getting to Jackson’s game.”
She shook her head, still slightly bewildered by the chain of events of the morning. It seemed to me that she was still a little uneasy with the whole situation. I didn’t want that. I had some time to adjust to her wants, to embrace them. She needed some time to do the same. To understand that nothing was going to change in our relationship because of this. I pressed my lips to hers and then smiled, giving her the out I knew she needed at that moment. “You don’t have to lay it all out now, Nat. We have time. But stop hiding it from me. Talk to me when you figure out how to put it into words.”
Chapter Seven
Natalie
We parked in the schoolparking lot and made our way over to the stands to grab a spot to watch the game. I watched Matteo’s back as we walked—his step was a bit more upbeat than usual—and attempted to wrap my head around all that’d transpired since last night.
Matteo acted as though he hadn’t dropped a huge bomb on me this morning. He explained some new assessment software the company rolled out at work yesterday as we pulled through the drive thru of my favorite coffee place. He ordered me another coffee and a chocolate croissant, passing it over with a smile. His thumbs tapped the steering wheel as he sang along with Cold Play as if he didn’t just tell me that we had all the time in the world to figure out if I wanted to bring in another man for a threesome.
Did I wake up in theTwilight Zone?
Truthfully, I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything. My brain was muddled with thoughts of my being with Matteo and another man at the same time. He didn’t sound the slightest bit jealous when he threw the suggestion into the hat as if it were a restaurant we were considering eating at.
The cool late-March breeze blew as Matteo turned back, looking over his shoulder for me. I had fallen a bit behind, unable to get any part of my body to work properly since we left the bedroom.
“Come on, slow poke.”
I picked up the pace, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him. He kissed my temple. “Did I fuck you silly? You really seem out of it.”
I gasped with mock indignation. Matteo was a well-spoken man who, even in his worst of moods, rarely swore. For him to say the mother of all bad words at the entrance of a crowded field where anyone could hear him was unthinkable.
Appearances mattered here, and Matteo asking if he fucked me silly was scandalous material.
A laugh bubbled from my lips. Apparently, I found this alternate universe amusing and continued rolling with Matteo’s free spirit, listening ears be damned. “And you don’t seem at all like a man who just offered his wife another man in the bedroom.”
Matteo saw my laugh and upped the ante to a deep chuckle. “Of course, that’s the part you choose to focus on, huh? One-track mind over here.” He waggled his eyebrows, and I swatted his chest. “Seriously, though, I hope that isn’t all you took away from that conversation.” He bent and pressed his lips to mine in a quick kiss. “I just want to see you happy, love. If that’s something you want to explore, I want to explore it with you. But, right now, I just want to cheer on our son and spend my Saturday with my family.” A conspiratorial grin tipped his lips. “And maybe watch you squirm a little when you sit. I know you have to be a bit sore. We haven’t gone at it like that since college.”
I raised a brow. “Maybe not even then.”
