Page 54 of One Taste
This is all Sebastian’s fault. His stupid words from earlier in the week played inside my head the entire date.
“What’s with that angry look?” Brielle asks. “All of a sudden your face contorted into a ‘I want to rip your face off’ look.”
My sigh is inevitable. I didn’t tell Brielle about what Sebastian said to me Monday because I didn’t want her very cut and dry, fuck him or move on, theory relating to this situation with him.
“Sebastian saw the text from Brian pop up on my phone during a meeting this week and gave me his thoughts on the date Brian was trying to set up.”
“Oh boy,” she huffs not trying in the least to hide her disdain for the topic of Sebastian lately. “Did you even try to enjoy yourself or did you spend the entire date thinking about Sebastian?”
“I did try,” I say defensively. “I listened intently as he spoke. He made me laugh. It was a comfortable night. The man is handsome, has a good job, opened doors, but I felt nothing.”
“Felt nothing when?” she asks. “Like during the date or after the date, did he make a move?”
“He kissed me before I got into the cab.”
“And nothing?”
I shake my head. “I wanted to feel something. I really did. Brian is a good catch. But nothing. No sparks. No fireworks, No chills. Nada.”
“Maybe another date?” she tosses out. “Maybe you just need a little more time to get to know each other before the chemistry happens.”
Reaching forward, I grab her half full wine glass off the coffee table and take a generous sip. “I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I admit. “I mean, is that really fair to either one of us? I string him along on a few dates hoping that at some point I feel something for him. Shouldn’t there be some kind of spark at the beginning? Something that draws us together? I didn’t even try to picture him naked, Brielle.”
She snatches the glass from my hand and drains the rest of its contents. “Maybe it’s the kind of relationship that will build at a slow burn.”
“Slow burn?”
“You know,” she says. “Where the tension builds over time and then when everything clicks into place it ignites into a love tale for the ages.”
“Or I don’t pretend to like the man as more than a good guy and let him move on to someone who appreciates him without him having to hope that she’s eventually going to have feelings for him.”
She gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen, returning with two full glasses. Handing one off to me, she sits back down. “So then what is it that you want in a potential boyfriend?” she asks. “You talk about wanting to put down roots and build a life here. What does that picture look like?”
What do I want in a boyfriend? When did I even start thinking about wanting one? I take a sip of wine and let the thought brew a moment. “I don’t know,” I confess. “I guess I want someone who makes me feel. Someone who comes in and sweeps me off my feet. A passion so explosive we can’t get enough of each other. Someone who takes me by surprise, when I least expect it, you know?”
She looks at me while sipping from her own glass. Her eyebrows raise in a challenge and a somewhat devious smile tickles the corners of her mouth. “So, you want Brooks?”
“Ugh.” I roll my eyes. “This isn’t about him. This is about what isn’t there with Brian.”
The accusation in her eyes intensifies. “Isn’t it though? Everything you just said you wanted in a man is everything you found with Brooks that night at the bar. How can you say this isn’t about him? He’s all you want but won’t let yourself have because of the job, which I get but like I’ve said before, when does the denial end?”
Is she right? Is this really all about Sebastian and that night we spent together? I let that thought marinate in my mind as I try to find a way to refute everything Brielle said.
Sebastian’s words from that night haunt my thoughts.“I will ruin you, princess.”
Has the stupid asshole succeeded in his claim? There was nothing wrong with Brian. Perhaps a pre-Brooks Devin would have fallen for him and his sweet ways. Post-Brooks Devin is still trying to figure out why he didn’t do more than kiss me tonight. In the past, I would have found that charming. A man trying to prove he wants more than in my pants. Normally, I wouldn’t even have let him get farther than a kiss on the first date.
Now, I can’t help but want to know why he didn’t try to fuck me silly.
God, when did I ever even want to be fucked silly before? What happened in that hotel room with Sebastian was a one-off. It’s not the usual way sex goes down with me. Usually it starts with some kissing, some groping, a little foreplay and ends in regular old missionary or me on top, an orgasm followed by cuddling. It’s never been getting eaten out against a wall. Never been letting a man roughly fuck my face while I stared up at him, getting off on watching him enjoy it. I’ve never spoken so brazenly in the bedroom.
Is that the type of man you want to spend your life with? Someone who brings you out of your shell?I ask myself. I don’t want to spend my life with Sebastian, just someone who evokes the same reactions in me as he did. Only, there’s never been anyone else to make me feel that way.
Fuck!
That asshole did ruin me.
Sighing, I give Brielle the words she wants to hear. “I don’t know if it’s him I want or just the way I was with him. The way he made me feel.”
