Page 134 of Ruthless Creatures
I hear the smile in her voice when she answers. “I love you, bossy man. You’re my life now. Come back to me soon.”
I have to disconnect without answering.
I can’t.
Because for the first time since I was a boy, I’m fighting back tears.
THIRTY-TWO
NAT
After that night, three days go by where I don’t hear from him. I want to call, but keep stopping in the middle of dialing.
He’s going to war, I remind myself sternly. The man is busy.
I get a brief text on day four:Dreamt of you last night.
When I text him back asking what the dream was about, he doesn’t answer.
By day six, I’m obsessing nonstop.
He’s dead. He’s been shot. Stabbed. Poisoned. He’s been captured by the police or the FBI. Something has gone horribly wrong and I’ll never know what, I’ll just be left with no answers and no way of finding out what happened to him.
The feeling is eerily familiar.
Still, I hear nothing.
Still, I wait.
School starts again. Teaching is a welcome relief from the mania that overtakes me when I’m home alone. In the middleof the second week of no contact with Kage, I start painting in a frenzy, producing more work in three days than I have all year.
By the middle of January, I’m going out of my mind.
“Just call him, babe. This is ridiculous.”
I’m in bed, on the phone with Sloane. It’s ten o’clock at night. I know I won’t sleep again, because I haven’t since he left. “It’s too late for me to call. It’s one in the morning in New York.”
“You’re a moron.”
“I don’t want to disturb him. He’s got a lot going on.”
“You’re a huge moron.”
I cry, “Why doesn’t he callme? I told him I loved him and he got all weird and never called me again!”
She says flatly, “I know you don’t really believe he hasn’t contacted you because you told him you love him.”
My exhalation is a huge, depressed gust of air. “No. I don’t.”
“So what’s the real issue?”
I swallow, staring up at the ceiling, dreading saying it out loud. “Basically… déjà vu.”
“Oh.” She pauses. “Oh.Okay, you need to tell him that,rightaway. I’m sure he has no idea because men are clueless, but you shouldn’t have to relive your past all over again. That’s cruel. Call him right now and tell him.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. I’m hanging up now. Call me back after you talk and he grovels epically.”
