Page 121 of Ruthless Creatures
Only he exists, and I exist only for him.
I’m an addict and he’s heroin, injected straight into my veins.
The moment stretches out into timelessness. I live and die a thousand times, resurrected into his arms only to be lost again. I lose all sense of who I am, and that feels right, like in losing myself I’ve finally discovered what I’ve searched for so desperately:
Meaning.
This connection we have right now is the only thing that matters, because it’s the only thing that will remain when everything else is gone. Nothing means anything because in the end it all falls away.
Except this.
I know I’ll take this moment with me to my grave… and whatever comes after.
When I come back to myself, I’m weeping.
My lover knows what to do.
Swiftly untying my hands from their restraints, he whispers to me softly, sweet words of praise and devotion. He takes off the blindfold, bundles me in blankets, and gathers me into his arms. He rocks me, his arms and legs curved around my body, his heat and strength a balm to my frazzled mind.
He makes me feel safe. Safe and protected, like only he can.
When I fall asleep in his arms, exhausted, he stays with me until I wake again hours later, blinking into the bright sunlight slanting through the bedroom blinds.
“Hello,” he murmurs, smiling at me with his eyes.
“Hello,” I whisper back, my heart expanding.
“Are you hungry?”
“I could eat. You?”
“A horse.”
“I’m all out of horse. How about pancakes, instead?”
“Sounds fantastic. Anything that keeps you away from the oven.”
We grin at each other for a beat, then we both start laughing.
It’s a long time before we stop.
TWENTY-NINE
NAT
After that day, something changes between us.
We don’t talk about it, but it’s there, an electrical awareness that we’ve moved beyond whatever we were before into new, deeper territory.
We anticipate each other’s words. We finish each other’s sentences. Emotions are conveyed with nothing but a look. We spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s alone together in my house, talking, eating, watching old movies, and making love.
It’s paradise.
And like every paradise, it comes to an end.
When I wake up on the cold, snowy morning of January third, I’m in Kage’s arms in bed. He’s already awake, gazing at me with his signature dark intensity, but there’s something else in his eyes that makes my heartbeat flutter.
I whisper, “You’re leaving.”
