Page 85 of The Duke's Second Bride
“You are up quite late,” she said, entering the room more fully. “I would have thought you would be in bed by now. I was just about to head to sleep myself.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked brusquely.
As it had been the past few days, his words were neutral, as though he was trying to brush her off. But Ava sensed a nervousness underlying his tone. She stepped further into the library.
“I think we should speak to each other,” she said bluntly. There was no point in beating around the bush, particularly if he was trying to avoid her.
“We are speaking right now,” he replied, still not looking at her, though she noticed he had stopped dragging the pen across the paper.
“Christian,” she said, exasperated. “What is going on with you? What is the matter with you?”
“What makes you think something is the matter?” he asked, trying to dodge the question by replying with a question of his own.
But Ava would not let him get away so easily. Not this time. She had given him plenty of time.
“Christian,” she said, trying to school her tone into being as patient as possible. “You have barely even allowed yourself to be in the same room as me in the past few days since my illness.”
“As you have said, you were ill. I merely thought it prudent to give you ample time to rest and recover,” he said.
“And if you bothered to look at me at all, you would see that I am perfectly fine and have been for nearly a week now!” she exclaimed.
A muscle tightened in Christian’s jaw, highlighted by the candlelight. Finally, he turned to look at her. The motion was slow, as though he were reluctant to do it.
When his eyes met hers, Ava felt as though she was being struck by lightning. The familiar wave of desire crested up within her. But it was soon overshadowed by a deep sadness, mirroring the deep sadness she saw behind his gaze.
“I am well, Christian,” she said softly, approaching him with slow, careful steps, as though he were a skittish horse she was trying hard not to scare away. “I am all right. And I know it is disappointing that there was no baby.”
At the word “baby,” she saw his shoulder stiffen. “That …” He cleared his throat. “There is no disappointment. All I care about is that you are well.”
“Don’t lie to me,” she said, her voice hardening. She shook her head. “You have changed, Christian. What have I done to push you away so? It is as though you are frightened of me.”
“I am not frightened of you,” he insisted.
“Are you frightened of catching sick?” she persisted, trying to figure out how to get him to talk. What could be the reason for his odd behavior this past week? “The doctor himself said the infection had passed?—”
“Fine!” he exploded. “I was afraid. I was terrified, but not because of any bloody infection. I am not afraid of catching ill, and I am not afraid of you—for God’s sake, Ava, I could have lost you!”
Her brows furrowed. “Christian,” she said, trying to keep her frustration out of her voice, though she couldn’t entirely, “the doctor said it was mild, once again?—”
“You could have been pregnant,” he said lowly.
Ava nodded. “So it is about the baby,” she said. “I know this time turned out to be a false flag, but we can try again?—”
He took a step back, shaking his head
“You could have died,” he said.
Ava froze. “What?” she asked. She shook her head. It wasn’t funny, but she felt herself almost laughing with shock. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“Like Isabel,” he said. The look on his face was heartbreaking. It was as though a dam had broken within him, and all of the emotions he had been holding in poured out alongside the words that spilled from him. “She died in childbirth. I failed her. I didn’t save her. I can’t let the same thing happen to you.”
Ava blinked a few times, searching for the right words. “Christian,” she said gently. “There is nothing you could have done to stop it from happening.”
He grew quiet for a long moment. “Perhaps you are right that there was nothing I could have done,” he said finally, his voice somber and low. “But now I know better, and I can’t put you at risk like that.”
“What happened to Isabel was a great tragedy, but that doesn’t mean it is fated to happen again,” she said. “I am healthy, and I want to try for children. We can build a future together, without fear. We can build a new life full of joy and new beginnings.”
Christian shook his head, his face seized by panic. It was clear he was spiraling too deeply to truly process the words she was saying to him.
