Page 83 of The Duke's Second Bride
The next morning, as the doctor visited a second time with Ava in her room, Christian paced the hallway.
How could he put her life at risk like this? After he had promised to protect her?
“Are you all right, Father?” Luke asked, passing through the hallway and seeing that his father hadn’t moved.
Christian cleared his throat. He tried to smile, but he feared he did a poor job of it. “Of course,” he said. The words fell stiffly as soon as they left his mouth.
“Is Ava all right?” Luke followed up on his first question.
Christian felt his heart sink into his stomach. His throat clenched, and any words froze and died in his mouth.
If something happened to Ava, he wouldn’t be the only one losing her. He would be subjecting Luke to another loss, after the poor young boy had already experienced so much loss in his life.
Christian thought about all the progress Luke had made since Ava’s arrival. He thought about all the progress that he and Luke had made with their own father-son relationship in the past several weeks.
If Ava died, would that go away, as well?
He snapped out of his spiral when he realized Luke was still looking at him, waiting for an answer.
If he wanted to maintain the bond Ava had helped him to build with his son, he needed to get a hold of himself and be there for the child now, the way he hadn’t been able to do after Isabel’s death.
“Of course she will be,” he said as reassuringly as he could. Saying the words out loud didn’t do much to quell the pit of dread that had quickly taken root in his stomach. “You ought to go look for Pudding,” he said. “I am sure Ava would like to know that someone is looking out for him.”
Luke nodded, pleased to be trusted with such an important task.
Shortly after Luke had disappeared down the hall, the doctor came out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him. Christian ceased his pacing immediately, his attention fixed and focused on the physician.
He searched the man’s face for any indication of good or bad news, but the physician’s expression was infuriatingly,annoyingly neutral. He had been well-schooled in bedside manner, it seemed.
“What is it?” Christian no longer bothered keeping the anxiety from spilling over into his voice. Now that neither his wife nor his son was there to hear him, he didn’t care who saw his concern.
The doctor looked at him. “Merely a passing infection,” he said, then continued, “Absolutely nothing serious.”
A wave of relief crashed through Christian. He let out a sound that was half-laugh, half-cry, and pressed a hand to his eyes.
The doctor, misreading his relief as grief, clapped his hand on Christian’s shoulder. “I apologize for any false hope I may have given about the possibility of a child.”
“Oh,” Christian said awkwardly, looking at the doctor’s eyes, and then immediately away, not wanting the other man to see the truth of his feelings behind his gaze. “I, er …”
The doctor patted his shoulder once more. “The good news is, your wife is perfectly healthy. I see no reason why you two should not have genuine news of a child, and soon, at that. Good day, your grace.” He bowed and then left.
Christian stood in the hallway for a long moment. The relief from knowing Ava was all right was tangled with the slow, stifling panic incurred by the doctor’s parting remarks.
They had escaped the fear of a pregnancy now. But the doctor was right—he and Ava were both still young enough that a pregnancy in the future was not only likely, but certain, if they continued to live together as man and wife.
The very thought made him feel as though he couldn’t breathe, as though his blood had entirely gone cold.
He could not risk losing Ava.
It was a sobering realization. He cared about her. What had begun as mere desire had turned into a genuine affection, even lo?—
No. He couldn’t even bear to allow himself to think the word.
And yet, he could not keep it back.
He loved Ava. And loving her meant that he risked losing her. It meant that losing her would bring immense pain. Isabel’s death had been painful enough. He couldn’t bear to go through that kind of loss again.
And that meant he needed to put an end to whatever this burgeoning feeling was between them.
