Page 62 of Once Bitten, Twice Fried
“No worries.” Julie thought for a second. If there was a time she could be open to Zoe, it was now or never. “I kinda thought you wouldn’t show up any more, that you’d change your mind. You know…”
Zoe’s face immediately crumpled.
“Oh no, I’m sorry!” Julie panicked. “I didn’t mean to be dramatic. It’s just… I don’t want it to be like ten years ago. I’m scared of that.”
“It’s not going to be like that.” Zoe gestured as if she was going to take Julie’s hand into hers, but stopped herself. “We’re here to talk about it. Which is already more than we did back then.” She smirked. “I wanted to talk to you earlier this morning but you were fast asleep on your laptop. It almost fell on the ground so I put it away for you.”
That’s why her laptop had been neatly closed on the coffee table, Julie thought. Zoe really cared about her. Julie felt bad that she’d even thought that Zoe wouldn’t show up.
They stood there for a moment, not saying anything. Julie hadn’t noticed it at brunch, but Zoe looked a bit tired. Like she didn’t get proper sleep last night. Was she also tossing and turning, replaying their kiss in her head? Julie really wanted to kiss her again, but reminded herself that nothing good would come out of this. She had no idea how to start this conversation, but Zoe took the first step.
“How do you feel?”
“I feel…” She breathed. “I feel confused. I don’t really know how yesterday happened and I have no idea what we should be doing now.” She rubbed her neck. “I like you, Zoe. And it’smaking everything more complicated. I don’t want to ruin your life. And I don’t want to ruin Yasmine’s wedding because we have our own secrets to deal with. I don’t think we should let anything else happen.” Julie crossed her arms and looked at the floor. She hoped Zoe didn’t hear how uncertain her voice sounded in the last part. “What about you?”
Zoe looked around, unsure, before sighing. “I don’t know how to say this, because it’s all so fucking insane. I didn’t sleep last night because I cheated on my fiancé.” Her voice trembled. “I feel so guilty and ashamed right now. What I did wasn’t fair to him.”
Julie’s heart tugged. She knew Zoe had to choose Tom over her. It was perfectly reasonable, but it still hurt like hell.
“And at the same time…” Zoe continued, looking straight at Julie. “I like you too, Julie. I haven’t felt like this-”
Zoe’s phone rang, startling her. She looked at Julie who nodded at her to pick up.
“Shit… It’s Tom.” Zoe swallowed and looked at her phone and then at Julie, not knowing what to do. “I have to take this.”
“Sure, go ahead.” Julie was stunned.
“Hi, darling! Yes, I’m alright, just busy! You?”
Julie walked towards the door to give Zoe some privacy, but Zoe grabbed her arm. She mouthed the words ‘Stay. Please.’Julie obliged.
“I didn’t have time to call you yesterday, I was too busy. I’m working here, you know.” Zoe frowned. “Yes of course we can talk about the wedding, but I’d like for the two of us to sit down and make plans together.”
Julie wasn’t sure if she wanted to stay here for the rest of this conversation. Any reminder that Zoe was about to marry Tom made her want to scream. The false note of brightness in Zoe’s voice when she picked up the phone had made her feel ill. She should try not to listen…
“A wedding planner? You hired a wedding planner?” Zoe suddenly shouted into the phone. “No… Wait, what? You’re currentlywiththe wedding planner?” A pause. “I see. You want to put me on speaker phone to talk to her? Does it really have to be right at this moment?” Another pause. “Really? We have to decide now?”
Zoe let go of Julie’s arm. She seemed extremely annoyed.
Julie looked at her. She whispered ‘Is everything okay?’
Zoe was listening closely to Tom on the phone. She shook her head at Julie and grimaced the word‘Sorry’.
“Okay, so if she’s putting all of these people on pause because she really wants to work with us, I guess I can do it now.”
Julie pointed at the door, miming walking away and Zoe nodded apologetically. She left, turning around to look at Zoe one last time.
Julie’s heart felt like it dropped into her shoes. This was a good reminder that Tom was the one who was very much part of Zoe’s life. Julie knew that deep inside, but the excitement of last evening had planted the seed of hope inside her. It made her want something with Zoe. It gave her a glimpse of a life with her. Of getting the girl. But after seeing Zoe discussing wedding plans with Tom… Julie crashed back down to Earth and was headed well into its core. There was her proof that Zoe would always pick Tom over her, even when she was clearly annoyed with him. This was the world in which Zoe and Tom were building something together. Something much bigger than a few secret kisses shared at night when no one was looking, ten years apart. Whatever happened between her and Zoe was an exception, not a rule, despite their mutual attraction, despite how well they fit together, despite the fact that no one has ever made Julie’s heart beam like Zoe did. Zoe didn’t choose her then and she couldn’t possibly choose her now. Julie walked away from the shed, tears stinging her eyes. Zoe would be the one that got away twice.
Chapter 27
The dinner table was twice as populated with Adam’s family - his mother, brothers and a few cousins - sitting at the other side of it. Julie noticed that a small stage had popped up in the garden. Adam was ready for his post-wedding ceremony performance tomorrow. Everything was ready for the big day.
The interview had gone well. She’d walked into it as she came back from the shed earlier, and Camille had glared at her for ruining the shot. Julie had apologised profusely but she really couldn’t care less. She just wished this wedding was done already, so she could go back to her boring life, and try dating apps again. Maybe this time she’d let Claire set up a profile and swipe for her. Claire’s choices couldn’t be worse than hers.
She hadn’t spoken to Zoe since this afternoon. Zoe had texted her to apologise but Julie hadn’t answered. It would just make things more hurtful to entertain this nonsense between them. She just needed to pull the plug - fast, quick, surgically - then forget about Zoe. Not just for ten years this time, but forever.
The clattering around the table made her a bit dizzy, or maybe it was the wine. Julie hadn’t been up for much conversation this evening. She watched Yasmine across the table, smiling and texting away on her phone. Julie only needed to weather this for two more days, then it’d be over. She only needed to soldier on just a little bit longer for her best friend.
