Page 56 of Once Bitten, Twice Fried
The last time Zoe had smoked was probably at a party in college. She was happy she’d never picked up the habit, but for once she was tempted.
“Yes, fuck it.” She looked at Julie. “Should I-” Zoe pointed at herself then at Julie.
“Yeah, come over. If I hand it to you over the balcony, it might fall and start a fire. We’ve had enough troubles for tonight.”
Zoe nodded. The tiredness she felt just seconds before was gone and gave room to something entirely new. She hurried out of her room and knocked on Julie’s door.
“It’s open.”
Zoe slowly opened the door and peered in. The light was off, and she could see a silhouette at the window at the back. She quietly closed the door behind her - like she was doing something illegal - and walked up to Julie who moved aside to leave her space on the windowsill. Zoe settled next to her, her arm brushing against Julie’s.
“There.” Julie handed her the cigarette, between her fingers.
Zoe picked it and wrapped her lips around the end. The thought of Julie’s lips being at the same spot right before flooded her body with warmth. The nicotine hit almost immediately and Zoe felt a bit dizzy.
“I haven’t done this in forever.” She closed her eyes.
“Looks likeyouare going to start smoking in your thirties.” Julie bumped her shoulder against Zoe.
“God, no. I’m too much of a cheapskate to start such an expensive habit.” Zoe gave the cigarette back to Julie. She looked out of the window. The sun had fully set now. The trees in the distance were barely visible. They could hear a few faint voices coming from the garden on the other side, but it was mixed with the chattering sounds of cicadas. Zoe turned around and leaned on her elbows, her back to the windowsill.
“How do you feel about the documentary?”
Julie shook her head. “All of it is bad for my blood pressure.” She turned to Zoe, her eyes glinting with annoyance in the dimmed light. “Don’t tell Yasmine, but I’m so pissed at Adam. How self-centred can you be?”
“Yeah, that’s surprising, to say the least.”
“I don’t think it’s surprising. I’ve met him a few times and he’s just… He’s very nice, don’t get me wrong. I just…” Julie sighed. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t like him?”
“No, he’s alright.” Julie scratched her eyebrow. She passed the cigarette to Zoe again. “It’s just that Yasmine’s my best friend and I hate to see her unhappy. I’ve never seen them fight, and there’s no denying that they’re very much in love. But there’s always something. He’s done something thoughtless, or he has to miss an event that’s important to her, or there’s some weird drama with his career that’s stressing her out. Even if he’s a nice guy, he makes her unhappy more often than he makes her happy.”
“I see.” Zoe took a drag. “Relationships are weird, eh?” She gave Julie a rueful smile.
“Yup. They are.” Julie leaned further on the windowsill. “I just always thought that relationships were all about finding‘The One’, then you get married and it’s simple. But all of this is so complicated.”
“Amen to that.” Zoe suddenly remembered that she hadn’t called Tom yet. She was dreading it. She pushed the feeling aside. Nothing was going to drag her away from this windowsill, with this woman and her half-cigarette, tonight. The call could wait until tomorrow. Julie reached for the cigarette, grazing Zoe’s hand in the process. Zoe’s hand froze, while Julie’s was snatched quickly away.
“Oh, sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Zoe felt her head getting lighter and lighter. Her heart was beating fast. Was it just the cigarette? She handed it to Julie. “You should finish it.”
“You sure?” Zoe nodded and Julie happily took it from her.
Outside, the faint voices in the garden had gone quiet, and the song of the cicadas seemed to crescendo to take their place.
“I also always thought that getting married was simple. How difficult can something be when you’re both in love with each other?” Zoe started, not really certain where she was going. “But then… What if you fall in love with the wrong person?” She bit her lip and turned to Julie, who was looking at her with big blue eyes.
“I don’t know,” Julie crushed the butt of the cigarette on the windowsill then threw it in the garbage bin next to her, keeping her gaze on Zoe the entire time. “Do you feel like you’re in love with the wrong person?” Zoe could hear something guarded in her tone.
Zoe moved her hand closer to Julie’s. She didn’t really know what she wanted. She just felt that there was too much distance between them.
“I don’t know how to tell.” She swallowed, staring back at Julie. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears.
“I guess it’s just what feels right.” Julie’s hand moved a bit closer.
It was all too much. Zoe looked away. She felt Julie’s fingers gently touching hers. Zoe willed her hand to move, to retreat back to safety, but it stayed put. She’d been craving Julie’s touch too much for her to pull back now.
