Page 46 of Once Bitten, Twice Fried
“No!”
“Because you didn’t want it to happen?”
“Because Julie’s phone rang and the moment was interrupted.”
“I see.”
There was another short silence. Zoe was growing more and more nervous and started pacing at the back of the garden.
“Did you want it to happen?”
Zoe froze. “No, of course not. I’m about to get married.” She rubbed her forehead with her hand. That seemed like the right answer.
“But if you weren’t getting married? If Tom was out of the picture?” Nicki’s voice was less jittery. She was walking at a normal pace now. Her tone was very neutral, it was hard for Zoe to guess what she was thinking.
“Then maybe? I don’t know!” Zoe took a breath. “I think so. In a world where none of our lives would implode, then I could say yes. But that’s not the case, I’m engaged and I have a life.” Zoe started walking restlessly again. “I just don’t know what to do, Nicki. Something’s going on with Julie, that’s all I know.”
“This sounds confusing,” Nicki started. “If you want my advice, there are two ways this could go. The first one is that you avoid anything risky. Stop having late-night walks slash emotional conversations about the past with Julie for the next few days until the wedding’s done. Only hang out with her in group settings. Don’t let this get any further than it has already, and then go back to your life and maybe realise that it was just a passing fling. Once you’re away from her again, hopefully the feelings will fade.”
“Mmhmm.” Zoe nodded patiently. “That makes sense.” It sounded doable. Not easy, but doable, and she was desperate.
“Now the other scenario… Do you wanna know about it?”
“Just shoot, Nicki.”
Nicki exhaled. “You give into whatever unresolved tension there is and let it lead to something happening with Julie. Maybe it’ll be the best decision you’ve ever made, maybe the worst mistake you’ve ever made. Maybe it’ll just get it out of your system. But no matter what, your life will be impacted by it forever. I don’t think there’ll be any going back. And if there is, you’d have to live with the consequences of what that means for both you and Tom.”
Zoe gulped. “I see.”
“Can I be honest with you?”
“I appreciate that you’re trying to pretend we’re still having any sort of employer and employee boundaries, but I’m in way too deep and would welcome whatever you have to say.”
Nicki chuckled. “OK. You’re clearly attracted to Julie. I don’t know enough to say if it’s mutual, but you were talking and thinking about her for weeks before leaving for Belgium. Then you confessed your past crush - which you weren’t even sure about the last time we talked before I went on vacation - the minute you saw her again.”
Zoe’s heart beat faster. She wished she could backtrack and tell Nicki not to say that. But it was all true. Julie had been missing from her life and the rush of feelings and emotions she’d had since the first night of the hen do were almost too much. She was stupidly attracted to her best friend from college. She couldn’t deny it any more.
“Are you still there, Zoe?”
No sound came out of Zoe’s mouth when she tried to speak. She inhaled. “Yes, yes I’m still here.”
There were no more words for a moment.
“I can’t have that, Nicki.” Zoe swallowed around a lump in her throat. “This isn’t right. I can’t be attracted to her. I have a whole life back in London. I can’t allow this.”
“Well, then, maybe that’s your answer,” Nicki said. She sounded sad. “I’m sorry, I know this is really hard. But I really think those are the only two ways this could turn out. And I’ll stand by you whatever you choose, Zoe.”
“Oh god. Don’t say that. Nothing is going to happen between us. I’m going to follow your advice and just avoid her. It’s only a few days.”
“You can do it.”
“Thanks for your time, Nicki. I’ll leave you be, now.” Zoe hesitated then added. “Except if you want to talk about something else?”
“I’d love to chat more but I’m really smelly and I need a shower right now.”
“Alright, I’ll talk to you later then.”
Zoe put her phone in her pocket and walked back towards the house. As she reached the glass doors, she could already hear rumbling in the kitchen. Julie and Yasmine were finally up, but still in their pyjamas. She braced herself. It was only a few days. She didn’t really even need to do anything, she just needed to not do anything stupid.
