Page 38 of Finding Her
Perky nipples and the bumps rising up her neck were betraying her feigned comfort.I should have insisted on packing an extra layer. Displeasure was infecting that shred of optimism I was clinging to. What if the discomfort of the chill interfered with the speckle of hope I had for resolution? The cold registered to me as a threat. A threat that could have been easily defeated through the power of a fuckingcoatand some foresight on my part.
“I wasn’t cold before.” She shrugged. “Besides, you can make a fire anywhere, right?” Hopeful eyes squinted at me.
“I amnotmaking a fire on sacred ground, Faeryn.” I hated to refuse her, but would have a hard time sleeping at night knowing I burned anything in this meadow.
Her face fell. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that.” Her eyes strayed to the ground self-consciously. “I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”
I fought the irritation at myself growing in my gut. I was messing this up. I didn’t want her apologies here, or at all. Frustrated with myself, I dug into my pockets, pulling out a chunk of dried meat to compensate the creature impatiently pawing at the ground to our side. It wasn’t much, but it should be enough to incentivize the dragon to stay near. The meat disappeared down the creature’s throat, and it trotted further into the field. The fact that it didn’t take off fully was promising for our return.
I sank into the wispy grasses, bending my knees into an open position. “Let’s warm you up.” I held my palms up in invitation.
“You really don’t have to…” She was rubbing the loose fabric up and down her arms. The heat that friction would generate would be insignificant compared to what I could do.
“You said you wanted to be warmed by fire? It’s inside of my chest for the time being, and I’m happy to share.”
She hesitated, her striking green eyes fixated on my face. They seemed to be reading carefully into the implications of the suggested snuggle. My stomach twisted in knots. I debated lowering my arms, but opted not to. I would keep my promise of caring for her, even if she rejected it.
After a painfully long wait, she stepped between my knees, turning sideways and folding to the ground so that her legs tucked under the tent of mine. Slowly, Faeryn made herself comfortable curled up against me. My back was to the wind, providing a shelter from the worst of the gusts. Her side curved against my stomach, cheek leaning into my chest. Her fists cupped into a small ball near her throat, and I instinctively wrapped my hand around them, encasing them in the warmth of my grip.
We sat there for some time. Slowly, I felt her muscles relax against me, causing her weight to distribute evenly over my body. Her breaths became steady in relaxation, visible condensation alerting me to each exhale.
“Now tell me about the fields, Graysen.” Her body finally stopped shaking from the chill.
I could see her head move as she scanned the region. It may have appeared somewhat plain compared to the striking rainbow of the rest of the island, but I hoped she could sense something more. EvenIcould feel the magnetic shift in the air, as if everything was somehow flexing in waves and perfectly still at the same time. I could share the lore of the haven, but her intuition would have to fill in the significance. I was simply providing context while awaiting a miracle.
“There was a time when you’d find these fields all throughout Trebianna. There are few left now. The groundradiates energy and is associated with blessings, creation, and vitality. Some believe it can even create life. It’s been an altar for the spiritual; those believers have traveled great distances to pray within its borders. The goddess of life is thought to have a direct connection to these grounds.” Faeryn listened closely, so I continued.
“The soil allows crops to thrive year-round, making it invaluable for preventing famine. Its water is always pure and safe to drink. Throughout history, these meadows have provided sanctuary to villages, and they’re revered as a symbol of prosperity. Certain rare plants are also found within its borders.”
She hummed thoughtfully. “Where did they all go?” She pulled one of her hands free from mine and pressed its palm into the soil. My eyes creased with joy; she felt the drive to touch the radiating ground without my instruction.
“The energy became valuable with the rapid advancements in technology over the last couple of centuries. There were wars over its protection, but ultimately, the efforts by those who wished to preserve the fields as they stood were in vain. Most of the fields are now swallowed by energy factories.” The end of the war predated me by three generations. Most who were vocal about the cause were eradicated, but as a bartender, I occasionally caught wind of an elder who lived to tell the tale in secrecy. Theo and I had an unspoken agreement not to discuss the information we overheard relating to the fields and factories—it was dangerous.
Her fingers intertwined with golden blades of wheat. “Thank you for trusting me with this trip.”
No, thank you for trustingme.
I didn’t have the words to communicate my gratitude, so I opted to provide more information. As each individual moment slipped through my fingers without the miracle I desperatelyneeded, I feebly clung to hope. Maybe something would trigger it. “As I mentioned, these fields can house rare crops. This one specializes in a plant called a honeysuckle.”
“We have a plant called honeysuckle on Earth, too. Are they the same? Small yellow flowers you can pull nectar from to eat?” she mused, turning her face into my chest again as her cheeks, pink from the wind, warmed against me. “I was surprised to hear you compare me to them.”
Had I let that comment slip when tasting her?How indulgent of me. “It would seem so. We can collect some while we’re here. I’ll make you a special tea with them.”
“That sounds lovely.” She appreciatively rubbed a hand over my knee. “I wish we didn’t have to leave. I’ve never felt anything like this before.” Her fingers danced through the air above the ground as if feeling the edges of an intangible force.
I swallowed a lump in my throat before braving the suggestion I had been choking down since arriving on the beach. “I wouldn’t be opposed to staying here forever.”
“Wouldn’t that be great?” She snorted. “What a bummer we have lives to live and all.”
Logically, I understood she had no idea how significant her words were. The severity of her rejection sliced into me still. I understood, and I had my answer. She didn’t see staying here together as living a real life, which meant I must return her to the mainland. I owed her at least that much.
“We should definitely visit again,” she suggested after a longer silence than I had intended.
“I’ll take you here whenever you’d like,” I managed to respond, subconsciously tightening my arms around her.
She rubbed her hands over my arms in response to my squeeze. “I’m really enjoying sharing this world with you, Graysen. I can’t wait to see what’s next.”
Although my disappointment grew with every passing moment of continued secrecy and dread, her words were a comfort. Maybe, if I kept her fulfilled, I had a shot at her dropping the frustrating fixation on “Earth”. If that happened, and I could find a way to assuage my guilt, maybe wedidhave a chance to be together. I had no expectations of a normal or linear relationship between us, but maybe it could still be happy. Maybe I could still be happy.
