Page 41 of More Than Nothing
“Did you talk to anyone about it?”
The corner of his mouth twitched. “I’m not much of a talker. I should have spoken to someone sooner, but for a long time I just accepted it. I chose to work homicide. I wanted to be a detective. I thought the violence came with the job. I didn’t feel I had the right to complain or feel overwhelmed when everyone else was in the same boat, and they were all coping.” Roman rubbed at his chest. “And the thing with the crime scenes, the victims—it’s bad enough when you can’t get rid of the memories yourself. You don’t want to put those kinds of images inside the heads of the people you love. I couldn’t do that to them.”
Elenie’s heart felt bruised. She reached out her hand until it bumped his, linking her little finger through Roman’s much larger one. “Years ago, before we moved to Pine Springs, someone Frank knew had his throat slit when he skimmed off a couple of jobs. Photos got sent out to everyone the dead guy worked with as a warning. Frank left them on the kitchen counter for a week before he threw them away. I was about fourteen.” Roman shot her a look of fury and disgust and she shrugged. “I’ve seen all sorts. You can talk to me.”
And so, over the next hour, he did. Slowly and painfully at first, then with calm, quiet relief. He told her how he’d been stressed but functioning, overworked, overtired but managing. Until he wasn’t. Until the call came in that took him to the trap house on the East Side and the young female victim who’d been stabbed in the neck.He told her how she’d been lying face down, how he’d kneeled beside the mattress on the floor and gently turned the body over.
Mouth tight, voice rough, Roman described how like Florence she’d looked—similar brown eyes, the same olive skin, his sister’s dark, long, wavy hair and full lips, her curvy build. “So much blood,” he told Elenie. “It covered her. It covered the sheets. It was drying and crusty. More like fake blood than real.” He wiped a hand over his face. “I got this buzzing in my ears and it wouldn’t go away. It started to drown out everything else. We had so little to go on. Never even found out who she was, let alone who killed her. I couldn’t move past it. Drawing a line under the case meant accepting she just didn’t matter. Or that’s how it seemed. And it ruined me. I tried to carry on as usual but I couldn’t focus. I felt completely detached. I couldn’t sleep. And the less I slept, the harder it was to keep a grip during the day.” He stared at Elenie, although she wasn’t sure he really saw her, and she could see the hell he’d been through in his eyes. “My heart would pound so hard at night I thought I was having a heart attack. I saw a doctor and she told me I needed to look at my life and make some serious changes.” Roman smiled, a faint and empty version of the one that usually did her own heart so much damage. “I finally spoke to my superiors at work. There were meetings and discussions. We agreed to a twelve-month secondment so I could step away and get my head sorted. And that’s why I’m here. Back in Pine Springs, trying to get my shit together, instead of pushing forward on the fast-track to make lieutenant.”
He looked down at where their fingers were still linked on the bark of the chestnut limb. Much of the tension had drained from his body and he flanked her like a solid wall of heat in the cooling afternoon air. He was so strong and dependable and reserved, offering that unshakable support of his to anyone who needed it. But who did he allow to take care of him?
Elenie wanted to bring up his fiancée. His ex-fiancée. But she couldn’t find the courage. “Have you talked to your parents at all?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t even had the guts to tell them I’m not back for good. They’d want to know why I took the transfer and I don’t know where to start.”
“They love you.” Of that, Elenie had zero doubt. “You’re kidding yourself if you think your parents haven’t noticed something’s up. They don’t seem like easy people to fool.”
Roman grunted an agreement.
“Just talk to them. You’ll feel better for it. And they’ll support you. I think you’re underestimating their strength.”
He stared down at her, his brows knotting and his beautiful mouth softly vulnerable. “Thank you for not thinking worse of me. It’s not what you expected, I guess. Not what anyone expects of the high school baseball star and the new police chief in town.”
Elenie bumped his shoulder gently, aching for him and the broken pieces he’d been hiding. “I’ll be honest, you’re still an improvement on the last one.”
Roman chuckled, rusty and low, but he sobered as he continued to search her face. The air crackled. Elenie’s spine grew taut.
“If things were different...” he began. There was enough heat in his eyes to melt tungsten. No one had ever looked at her that way before.
“I know.”
He swallowed. His voice was pained. “If I wasn’t leaving again...”
“Yes. And if I wasn’t who I am,” she whispered.
Roman shook his head. “I would never want you to be someone else.”
The feelings in her chest banged on her ribs to be let out. She ducked her head so he wouldn’t see the ridiculous desire written all over her face.
Looping a strong arm around her back, Roman pulled her closer, his fingers closing tightly on her hip bone as if he wanted to keep her there. Elenie’s shoulder bumped his shoulder and it felt like the most daring thing in the world not to move away. They sat in silence, breathing synchronized, in the calm embrace of the chestnut tree.
The atmosphere had evidently shifted when they returned to the house. Roman’s meltdown and her handling of it had obviously been discussed in their absence and the family didn’t hold back. Elenie, overwhelmed by the subsequent outpouring of warmth that flowed from everyone, reeled from the non-stop chatter.
His parents made her promise to visit again soon.
“Let’s see that movie together next month,” Florence, in a borrowed t-shirt, gave her a kiss on the cheek when they stood up to leave.
“I’d like that.”
Thea squeezed her arm, rubbed it, then squeezed again. Her eyes glittered with heartfelt gratitude and Elenie fell a little in love with Roman’s twin.
Roman’s mother opened her arms and swallowed Elenie up in a hug which caught her completely by surprise. Her hands fluttered, not knowing where to rest, until they tentatively settled on either side of Ava’s waist.
“Thank you, little one.” The whispered words encompassed so much more than just her presence over lunch, and Elenie’s cheeks heated with pleasure.
Ava and Elias waved them off from the doorstep as Milo put the car into gear and pulled out of the drive. In the back seat,Roman gave her that barely there smile. Everything about him seemed calmer than earlier. His face was softer, his mouth curved, brown eyes tired but warm.
“Are your ears ringing?”
