Page 72 of Jacked
AJ: I’ve been thinking about that face you make when my cock is inside you, and about how loud you scream when I pound your prostate… I think I want to try it too. I want you to fuck me.
I groan quietly and palm my cock through my shorts. When I got the text last night, I looked up at him across the table and it hit me so fucking hard how insanely, wildly, desperately in love with him I am. I wanted to crawl over the table and shove my tongue into his gorgeous fucking mouth. I wanted to drag him to the bedroom and make him come screaming on my cock. I wanted to tell him all the embarrassingly vulnerable things that have been running through my head since our short conversation about living together on Friday. He just arched an eyebrow at me, silently demanding an answer to the implied question in his text. I licked my lips and nodded, and that was it. We went back to the game and haven’t had the chance to talk about it since, but the promise hanging out there like that is enough to make me fucking ache for him.
The apartment door swings open and I spring off the couch.
AJ toes off his shoes as I hover in the mouth of the hallway with a barrage of questions on the tip of my tongue.How did it go? What did your dad say? How are you feeling? What do you need?
I can’t tell the answer to any of them from his body language. His expression is totally neutral when he finally meets my eyes.My heart stutters and scarier questions rush in. Could his dad have said something bad enough to send him back into that uncomfortable, unhappy place he lived in for too long? Could he have put doubts into AJ’s head about our relationship?
“Hey,” I say, as casually as possible.
“Hey.” His lips twitch and we stand staring at each other for a few beats before he breaks the tension and moves towards me. “I missed you, babe. I need a cuddle.” The last words are muffled against my neck as he pulls me into his arms and buries his face there.
I chuckle with relief, carding my fingers through his short hair and holding on to him. “Babe?” I echo. “Is that the pet name you’re going with?”
“Too generic?” he mumbles, pressing a few kisses to the bare skin in the crook of my neck and then nuzzling the spot.
“Something about ‘babe.’ I just feel like that’s what couples who constantly joke about hating each other use as a pet name.”
He laughs, his warm breath puffing against my skin, and tightens his arms around me until he’s practically crushing the air out of my lungs.
“Alright, I’ll stick with ‘bro’ since it’s filthy hot.”
I snort and give his scalp a little scritch. “Come on, we can’t cuddle properly here.”
I manage to unwrap AJ’s arms from around me. It’s obvious he needs some serious snuggles, so I skip past the living room and lead him straight to my bedroom. Neither of us say a word as we strip down to our underwear and climb under the nice, fresh sheets together.
We trade a few sweet, unhurried kisses as we arrange ourselves, facing one another with our legs tangled and our arms around each other. We’re as close as we can possibly get, our bare skin pressed together in a million places, our heads restingon the same pillow, our noses bumping as I run my fingers soothingly through his hair again.
“Did it go badly?” I finally ask. I wasn’t exactly expecting his dad to be immediately thrilled to learn that neither of his sons turned out straight, but AJ’s need for comfort makes me think it might have gone even worse than he was prepared for.
He shrugs. “It went okay, actually. Or, I guess it went mostly how I expected. We decided on the direct approach, so after a few minutes of catching up, I took the lead and just looked him in the eye and told him the truth. I said it doesn’t change anything about either of us, that we hope he can see that there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bisexual, and that if he can’t accept it he won’t be part of either of our lives.”
There’s no wavering in AJ’s voice and no hint of shame either. It’s incredible to see how far he’s come in accepting himself and understanding how toxic all the shit he was taught growing up was. My heart swells with affection and pride and fuckingaweat how brave and amazing he is.
“I’m so fucking proud of you.” I pepper a few quick kisses to his lips and smile at him. “What did he say?”
“He was quiet for a long time, and then he got kind of awkward, asking us if we were sure and saying maybe it was just a phase.” AJ chuckles and shakes his head. “Logan found his voice and shut that shit down, but it just made my dad latch on to the fact that I said I was bisexual. He wasn’t being nasty, it was like he could understand that Logan was ‘stuck’ dating men, but he couldn’t wrap his head around why I wouldchooseto when I could just as easily date women.”
I swallow hard, cold dread creeping into my veins. It’s not like the thought hasn’t crossed my mind. Would it be easier to be in a straight passing relationship? Maybe. But I don’t think I give a fuck about what’s easy. I want to be happy. I want to love someone and have them love me back so fucking fiercelythat nothing else matters. I want a partner at my side through the hard shit and the good shit and everything in between. I just want forever with someone, I don’t think their gender matters to me anymore.
I want AJ and whatever comes with him.
But what if that’s not what he wants?
“He’s right in some ways,” I say hoarsely. “You can’t erase your attraction to men, but you could definitely find a woman to build a life with. You could wife her up and have a bunch of babies. You could walk down the street anywhere with her and not think twice about holding her hand.”
He’s quiet for a long second. I can see the flutter of his pulse in his throat and feel the twitch of his fingers against my back. My heart pounds in my ears and I steel myself for any answer, even the kind that will hurt. Right now is better than not at all, isn’t it? Not everything has to last forever to be worth doing. Loving AJ is the best thing I’ve ever done, even if it ends right now.
His lips part and his warm breath dances over my face, the lines of his frown deep and noticeable this close up.
“Falling in love with you wasn’t a choice, Slate. But even if it was…” He licks his lips and I can feel the moisture in the minute space between our mouths. “I would still choose you. Out of every single person in the world, I would pick you over and over, every single time.”
“Dude.” My breath catches in my throat and my heart pounds so hard I’m sure he can feel it against his chest. “You love me?”
AJ’s lips quirk into a smile and he nods, bumping our foreheads against each other. “I really fucking do.”
“I love you too,” I whisper.
