Page 53 of Jacked
He barks out a startled laugh. “That’s on you for not listening. I’m positive I mentioned how hot guys are at least a few times over the years.”
“You did. It’s definitely my fault for not believing you.”
“Sooo?” he says, and I swear, even though we’re a thousand miles apart I can feel him nudging me with his elbow and see his eyes lighting up with curiosity, waiting for me to tell him all about what happened.
“I don’t even know where to start.” I chuckle and take my hat off, flinging it onto the coffee table and then running my fingers through my hair.
“I’ve got time. I can’t believe you’ve been going through this whole sexual awakening without anyone to talk to about it. I seriously do feel like a dick that I’ve been so busy and kept missing your calls.”
“It’s fine,” I assure him. Would it have been nice to talk to Nolan or Cas about it? Sure. But it all worked out, so I’m not going to dwell on it. Besides, it probably helped that I had time to get my head around everything without their input first.
“Is there a guy? Is this all just theoretical? Come on, you’ve gotta give me something here.”
“There’s a guy,” I confess, raking my fingers through my hair again and grinning like a fool. “AJ.”
“Wait, your roommate?” There’s a shift in his tone, but I barely register it.
The chance to actually talk about what’s been going on is like a shot of adrenaline straight to my veins. I sit up and swing my legs back around so my feet are on the floor, and I just start talking.
“It’s all so crazy, you know? I know some people realize they’re bisexual later in life, but I always figured they were just lying to themselves or self-hating or something. Like, how could younotknow you’re into guys, right? But then AJ came along and it was like right away I wanted to be close to him all the time. It wasn’t even sexual at first, but it kind of was? I don’t know how to explain it other than that we just clicked. Hegetsme, and I feel like I get him.” I bounce my knee to release some of the excess energy, and when that doesn’t work, I stand up and start pacing while I talk. “This is new for him too, so I don’t want to get ahead of myself or anything but, god, I just…” I groan because I don’t have any actual words to describe how I’mfeeling, but I think the sound gets my point across pretty well. Primal and excited and all mixed up in a good way.
Nolan is quiet for a few seconds after I stop talking. Maybe he’s waiting to see if I’m going to say anything else? I keep pacing.
“Uh, okay, wow,” he finally says. “It sounds like you really like him. He is your roommate, right? You never said.”
“Yeah.” I frown, trying to work out why Nolan is using his stressed voice. “Why?”
“No, it’s just…” I hear a rhythmic thunking from his end that takes me a second to place until I realize he must be drumming his fingers on something, another thing he usually does when he’s feeling stressed.
“What?”
“It sounds like you really like him,” he says again.
“Could you please stop being cryptic? You’re making me nervous.” I laugh to release some of the tension and plop my ass back down on the couch.
“Sorry. I’m not trying to, I just don’t want you to get hurt or end up without somewhere to stay if things don’t work out.”
My stomach lurches. “Why wouldn’t they work out?”
“I’m not saying they won’t, but you’re both just discovering a new side of yourselves, and sometimes that can be messy. Like, maybe one of you wants to explore sex with a lot of different guys right now and the other one starts thinking this is a relationship, just as an example.”
Well, fuck. I hadn’t even thought of that. Does AJ want to fuck a bunch of different people? Maybe he doesn’t now, but he might once he wraps his head around things a little more.
I let out a tight laugh. “You worry too much, No. I’m not an idiot. I’m thirty years old, I’ve had plenty of relationships in my life.”
“I know, I’m sorry. You’ve just got such a big heart, and I hate seeing you get hurt.”
“I’ll be fine.” I swallow around the lump in my throat and force myself to believe those words. I will be fine. Nolan is right, I need to pump the breaks and go into things with my eyes open, that’s all. “Hey, tell me how the game is going.”
The pivot works. The tension bleeds out of our conversation, and Nolan launches into telling me all about the video game he’s doing the graphics for and the upcoming launch. We talk for a while, catching up on other things after that. He promises to make a plan to come out and visit me in Chicago next month once the game goes live and Cas finishes the book he’s working on.
Once we hang up, I pull up my text thread with AJ and stare at it for a minute. There aren’t a lot of messages, mostly just things like “If you stop at the store, we need dish soap” and “Want to grab a beer after work?” kind of stuff. I don’t know if he even keeps his phone on him at work, but I type out a text anyway.
SLATER: Thinking about coming down for a workout, is it crazy busy?
I bite the inside of my cheek and hit send, feeling like a total idiot. Of course it’s busy at Sweat on a Saturday. It always is. I have a membership, I could just go and find out for myself, but I don’t know if I actually feel like dragging my ass there. I think after talking with Nolan I just want some kind of… I don’t know, reassurance maybe? It takes a minute before the text bubble from AJ pops up to let me know he’s typing.
AJ: It’s a fucking madhouse, as usual. Come if you want though. I have back-to-back clients for most of the day, so you’ll have to settle for working out alone or getting harassed by Butch.
