Page 40 of Jacked
“I don’t want to push you, man. I guess I just need to know if you’re feelinganyof what I’m feeling?” He huffs out a laugh. “Or if you’d rather I move out now that…” He licks his lips again and I can’t help but stare for a second at the way the club lights shimmer off of his damp mouth. “I’m not straight.”
I shake my head, my thoughts too tangled to sort out while he’s standing right there, gripping my arm, staring at me with worry and hope and that cute damn puppy look in his eyes.
“I don’t know.”
His eyebrows pull together and he drops his hand. His lips twitch, tugging down into a frown before he rearranges them into a crooked, apologetic smile.
“Okay, that’s fine. Just, um, have a good time tonight and give everything else some thought.” He nods resolutely and then slinks back to the table.
There’s an ache in my gut as I watch him go.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AJ
I turn backtowards the bar, trying to catch my breath like I just ran a marathon. I’m pissed off. Everything was fucking great and Slater had to go and change the game. I know I’m being a petulant child right now, but I wanted shit to stay the way it was, at least for a while. I liked how easy everything was between us. He just showed up on my doorstep and became my best friend, like friendship soulmates or something. Bromates.
I raise my glass to my lips and a couple of ice cubes hit my lips along with a small trickle of alcohol. Empty. I set it down on the bar and turn to look at the table where Slater is sitting with the rest of the guys. He’s smiling and saying something, gesturing with his hands while everyone laughs. My chest tightens and a hot, jealous feeling curls itself around my insides.
Is he telling them a story I’ve already heard or is it something new? Whatever it is, they hang on every word. The more I watch him, the more I notice a subtle difference in his smile. It looks more relaxed than it has lately. It’s bigger and brighter, and the tension that’s been heavy on his shoulders the past week is gone.I’ve been torturing myself about what I did to make him clam up and pull away, and it turns out he was just working out his sexuality.
That box in the back of my mind that I never, ever peek inside rattles and creaks.
Callan catches my eye and waves for me to come back over.
I turn back towards the bar. I need to sort out all the shit in my head before I go over there and ruin everyone else’s night.
“Hey, gorgeous. Can I buy you a drink?” A petite, younger looking guy sidles up beside me, not bothering to hide the appreciative way he eyes my muscles and lets his attention linger on the soft bulge in my shorts.
Heat shoots through me, and for once, I actually force myself to think about my reaction instead of just recoiling from it. It’s not disgust that boils in my gut, I think it’s nerves. It’s fear. I don’t need to hear the mocking voices of my dad or the friends I had growing up to remember that this isexactlythe way I felt when they would jokingly throw around gay slurs for the slightest sin against the expectations of manliness.
“Thanks, but I’m in the middle of an existential crisis, so I’m not worth wasting the fifteen bucks on.” I let out a tight, wheezing chuckle.
The man’s eyes sparkle with amusement and sympathy.
“Sounds like youreallyneed a drink then.”
My head is feeling a little buzzy from the Long Island already, but I nod anyway.
“Sure, just a beer though and uh… I’m not going to go home with you or hook up or anything.” I don’t know what the protocol is at a gay club and I don’t want to ruin his night.
He waves me off then flags down the bartender and asks for two beers.
“I’m Joss, by the way.”
“AJ.” I offer him my hand. He looks at it for a second and then snorts a laugh.
“Okay, so let me guess, this is your first time in a gay club and your existential crisis is that you’re suddenlyveryintrigued by the idea of deepthroating another dude.” He takes my hand in a lingering grip and bats his eyelashes playfully.
“Half right,” I mumble.
The bartender sets down our drinks and I use the excuse to pull my hand away so I can grab the bottle. It’s ice cold, and the condensation makes it slick against my palm. I glance over my shoulder again and find Slater’s eyes on me. His eyebrows are pulled together and he looks between Joss and me. He looks annoyed, maybe even jealous?
My brain must be running on a massive delay, trying to process so much so quickly, because what he said to me a few minutes ago actually starts to sink in for the first time.
“I thought I was straight until you.”
Untilme.
