Page 41 of Masked in Deception
Maybe the kind who owns her desires and understands that wanting someone else in charge in the bedroom isn’t a mental disorder, but perfectly normal.
Clearly, I need another creative outlet if my mind is still mustering enough energy to play devil’s advocate.
One more deep breath and I set my shoulders back. Orgasm or not, this isnotwho I am, and I’m sure as shit not going back to see him “same time, same place” next week. Arrogant asshole. Fuck off. I tried something new, it wasn’t for me, and that’s that. I’m Margot Sinclair, and I’m nobody’s “good little whore.” Certainly not anyone’s “natural fucking submissive.” I could’ve told him that in advance. I’m a boss bitch, and I’ll never crawl for anyone ever again.
I feel hungover the next day, taking my sweet time with my morning toilette and carefully choosing a turtleneck to style forlunch, making sure there’s no evidence of yesterday’s activities for my oldest brother to scrutinize. Henry let me know last week that he would be in the city for business, and I’m always thrilled to have him here. He’s coming to see my new apartment for the first time and to review some contracts for La Reine that I think have potential. One of the things I appreciate about both of my brothers is that while they arealwaysavailable if I need a helping hand with anything, personal or business related, they mostly stay out of my business these days and let me handle things on my own. It would be all too easy for Henry to use his years of experience and training to try to push me in certain directions, but he never has.
Arriving my usual thirty minutes early for lunch, I see Henry is already seated at a corner table in the back of one of our favorite NYC haunts, wearing a three-piece brown tweed suit. I give him a broad smile when he sees me, and we quickly fall into our habit of efficiently catching up with each other whenever we’re together.
“How are Sloane and Ledger?” I ask, knowing that even though we text more than the average family, there’s nothing quite like being in the same city to know how someone’s doing.
“They’re both well. Ledger continues to somehow surpass his own world records for protectiveness and obsession when it comes to Sloane and LJ, so really nothing new.”
I chuckle, having seen firsthand exactly how creepy my brother can be when it comes to his baby and his woman. “Did they officially decide on LJ, then?”
“I can’t see them calling him anything else, since that’s all Sloane says these days. I offered Henry again, but they declined.”
Eyeing my brother, I decide to be a little vulnerable and see if I can get him to admit he wants a little Henry one day. “Do you ever feel like what Ledger and Sloane have won’t be possible forus?” I ask as he eyes me warily, knowing where I’m going with this and wanting me to stop before I get there. “Youreallydon’t want a baby, Henry? Because honestly, I would love a Margot Jr. one day, but I’m not sure that’s in the cards for me.”Since the one person I wanted that with stomped on my heart, and nobody else piques my interest.
I see a flicker of desire shoot across Henry’s face, but it’s gone so fast I wonder if I imagined it.
“I genuinely don’t think I’m well suited for fatherhood. I think I’m too much like Father,” he says.
“I loved Daddy. He was wonderful to me. I’m sorry your experience wasn’t the same,” I say quietly, with a sad smile.
“None of that was your fault. And I think I had an overall neutral-to-slightly-positive relationship with him, certainly nothing so traumatic as all the complexes he gave to Ledger over the years. But a positive relationship with one child, neutral with one, and a glaring red flag negative with the third isn’t really a glowing percentage of success.”
I nod and turn to look out of the window at the afternoon sun peeking through the clouds.
“Is this your way of telling me that you haven’t found anyone worthy of dating in your adult life, and you’re starting to feel the reality that running your business at the level you prefer is incompatible with being a wife and mother? And that perhaps you’re wondering if it’s even worth it to try to find one when you already have a cracking success on your hands with the other?” Henry asks, and my eyes snap to his to find him giving me the tiniest grin.
This fucker has always been a smidge too perceptive for his own good, I think, rolling my eyes.
“Well, you said it, not me. So what do I do?” I’m avoiding his gaze now, unsure I want to hear what he has to say.
“Margot,” he says, and I look back up at him, seeing no judgment for my insecurities. “You just have to live. It sounds trite, but my genuine advice is to enjoy every day. Enjoy the growth of your business. Enjoy the people you meet, or don’t. But do try not to hold too many grudges or carry too many worries from the past forward. They’ll just weigh you down. I used to have the same concerns, but that’s the only real advice I ever have for you, for anything. Just live.”
My sweet Henry. We part ways, rescheduling my apartment tour as he’s had something come up. He’s in the city for so long that I’m sure we’ll have another chance soon.
Making my way home to get ready for Pilates and a massage, I think about what he said. It’s great advice, and coming from him, it has a certain gravitas to it that I take to heart. But I don’t think I’m ready to be that self-actualized yet. I get a reminder on my phone for my next meeting with Jack at Rendezvous Too, and I realize I’m definitely not ready. Some grudges are meant to be held, at least for a little while.
Chapter thirty-eight
The second hand on the clock in my office seems to tick by slower than usual as I nurse a glass of scotch, waiting for Margot to show up for our second meeting.
Aaron triple-checked her list to make sure everything requested is here and read everyone working today their final rites in the case they misbehave. Not that anyone would have in the first place. After her last visit, word spread like wildfire among the staff. Anyone brave enough to come to work today is definitely not pushing their luck to ruffle her feathers.
As always, thoughts of her fill my head. The difference now is that there are quite a few new versions. There’s my sweet princess in pink from years past, there’s the dreaded bitch boss who’s driven terror into all of my employees, and then there’s the obedient little whore who took my cock so fucking well the other night.
God, what I did was wrong on so many levels.She would’ve never gone through with that if she knew who was behind the mask. She thought I was a stranger, and I haven’t figured out ifthat makes me feel better or worse. I mean, I might as well have been a stranger to myself. I’ve never treated a woman like that, during sex or otherwise.
In retrospect, it feels so wrong, but that doesn’t negate how natural it felt in the moment. And I might be an arrogant asshole, but I think I speak for both of us when I say it wasdamn good.
It doesn’t matter. I know I told her to show up for round two, but I can’t do it again. I can’t betray her trust like that again.
It’s wrong.
When the clock finally makes it to my forty-five-minute warning, I leave my hideout and do a final walk-through to make sure things will go as smoothly as possible when the princess gets here.
