Page 80 of Redemption
She’s looking more and more enticing the longer I look at her. Those sharp, jagged edges. Stunning in her violent promise. The man who served this little breakfast offering must have neglected to realize who exactly it was being delivered to. The danger that lies just beneath. Or the fact that it was a steak knife rather than the butter knife one would expect to accompany the bread and jam. But what do I know? Maybe he did realize. Maybe he’s just as crazy as I am. Maybe he saw the hurt in my eyes and gifted me a ticket out of here. Whether by fighting for my freedom or by taking that easy slice to the afterlife. I’ll never know. But I hold the silver in my hand, weighing my options as I turn it over, watching the sunlight dance on its glimmering surface. Beautiful and lethal.
Just like my Aly. The thought of her brings a small lift to the corner of my mouth. Just a small one. It’s all I can muster before I wince as a shock of pain envelops my entire face.
While I’m feeling loads better than when I was first dragged in here, my body still hurts all over. A Jackson Pollock splattering of bruises covers my skin. I barely have the energy to leave the bed and endure the ache of using the bathroom, let alone do anything else.
But for Aly?
For my sweetheart?
I’d bear enough pain to satisfy the world’s most sadistic devil to protect and save her. They would relish in my masochistic eagerness to grant her a chance to live and thrive. So she can dance amongst the weeds in the field and call them beautiful flowers as she plucks one and blows a breath against it, releasing heavenly white puffs to the wind. So she can watch the sunset across a calm lake, the colors streaking over the flat, glistening surface, knowing tomorrow will be there for her when she wakes up. So she can simply be... right there... in the moment... knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that one of us will be there to watch over her as she basks in the warmth and beauty around her.
That I’ll be there, too. Even if it’s just so I can see her smile.
That is... if I ever get out of this fucking room....
Being stuck here is messing with my head worse than when they were beating the shit out of me. At least there I had an excuse as to why I couldn’t find Aly and the others; being chained to the goddamn wall seemed like a solid one. Not to mention, I was a little preoccupied with simply making sure I survived the night. Now, all I have is free time to think about what could be going on just outside this building. Just outside my door. And the fact that, even if I did hear anything on the wind pertaining to Jax or Aly, there isn’t a fucking thing I can doabout it apart from letting Cole do his thing and trust he’ll find them soon.
My gaze turns back to the knife in my hand. I’m not about to use it on myself, but I have a feeling I’m going to need it soon.
With a resigned huff, I turn to my side and lift my pillow, sliding the warm metal under and hiding it beneath before returning to the food. When Cole finds the others, I’m going to need my strength for when we run away from this place. Depression be damned.
My hand, shaking with exertion, goes to the piece of bread. I bring it to my lips and bite a small amount off the corner. The sweet taste of the jam and the saltiness of the dough coat my mouth as grumbles dance within my belly, both angry at my neglect and happy that it’s about to be satiated. I swallow and take another deep breath, repeating the process just as the door to my room slowly opens.
I know it’s him. The other people who work here—I refuse to call them medical personnel—don’t enter as cautiously. They barge in, refusing even an ounce of dignity or privacy. But Cole? He hesitates. Lingers on the precipice, schooling his features into something more approachable, even though the pity and regret are practically painted on his face regardless of his efforts.
I’m almost positive I know what else happened in that cell beyond the bruises and scarring cuts left on my skin. Not...exact... details, but I’ve hypothesized and theorized. After learning what tests they performed, it’s enough to paint a pretty decent picture.
Let’s face it, Cole’s hesitancy isn’t from the bruising or the scars marring my face and chest. He’s a professional medic; it’s his job to see the darker side of the world. It might not be easy,but he has this superhero ability to look calm, cool, and collected in the face of trauma.
When I was injured overseas, he busted my nuts the entire time, forcing me to laugh even though we both knew it hurt like a bitch and I legitimately thought I was dying. Despite how he might have been feeling on the inside, Cole stood stoic in the face of chaos just so I could take my mind off the hell we were living in. He’s trying to do the same thing now. But in all those years and with all the trauma we’ve been through, he’s never looked at me like he has these past few days. Ever since we found each other again, it’s been different. Almost heavier. Warmer, even. Then again, a lot has changed between us to merit new ways to look at one another. After what I endured in that basement, I’m just happy I get to.
I’m not even sure how he successfully managed to infiltrate their inner workings to become a clinician here. He changed his appearance to mask his identity; that’s obvious. But how the fuck did he gain the trust he needed to get so much freedom in this place? I know he doesn’t sleep here and is probably monitored wherever he does, but while he’s in the Infirmary, he’s his own man; no supervision needed.
I know what I must sound like. The question that’s just waiting to be asked: Am I jealous?
Abso-fucking-lutely.
Would I like to be the one who’s able to go out and find the clues that lead to the rest of our family? Maybe kick some ass along the way?
Hell-to-the-fuck-yes.
But no... I’m stuck in the fucking sick bay, like some useless fucknut, while Cole goes off and playsMaster of Disguiseas if he’sin his own personal Bond movie, all while giving me barely concealed, sad puppy dog eyes.
I let out an exacerbated sigh and rein in my misplaced annoyance. Regardless of my bitterness towards the whole ordeal, I know he’s doing what he must. So, instead of looking dejected at my lack of participation, I play along, putting that bright, bullshit smile back on my face so I can do right by him as well.
“Hey, Doc. Come to check out my dick again?” I lift my hand as if to tell him a secret. “I know it’s pretty spectacular, but guess what? It grew a whole two inches overnight. Just for you!” My snarkiness sparks something in his eyes, a slight grin pulling at his cheeks as he huffs out a laugh. The sound not only pulls him out of his emotional rut but also lifts my spirits as well. It reaffirms our relationship with one another, reinstating the normal cadence of banter we typically use to get over the tough spots.
Cole takes a few steps over to the bed, lifting both the tray and the plain white sheets covering my lap while accidentally swiping at my exposed dick at the same time. We lock eyes at the unintended contact, but he doesn’t seem concerned by his fingers touching my naked dick as he turns and places the tray at the foot of the bed before situating himself beside me with an overexaggerated wince. “Hate to break it to you, but it’s still as tiny as ever. We can check that out while you’re here, though, if you want. Might be some sort of malignancy making your dick shrivel in on itself. I’m afraid it might be dead.”
Well.... it was....
The attention my dick received at his unintentional contact has stirred something deep within me. I barely manage to hold back a startled gasp as static tingles zip down my spinein response, and I feel my dick stiffen under his playful, yet undiluted, scrutiny.
One look at Cole and I know he sees it too.
It’s not the partial semi one might expect from accidental contact and coincidental nudity; I’m fucking hard as a rock in an instant. At the sight, we both go silent. Not even a breath can be heard between us as we remain where we are and simply stare at the growing truth between us. A moment goes by. Cole gulps audibly, licking his lips after. I find myself doing the same.
This thing between us... it’s confusing. We’ve touched. Kissed. He’s even licked my dick. But that’s always been with Aly around. Without her, I’m unsure of what this thing is. Whatweare. Hell, I’m too confused to even begin to determine what sexuality I am. And, to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m ready to cross that road completely just yet.
