Page 67 of Redemption
I let out a breath, not really wanting to go through the ins and outs of my sex life with my ex. “We’re... together. They’re my family. All three of them. They’re mine, and I’m theirs.”
“Wait... you’re with...allthreeof them? Like....” He balls up his fists and punches them against one another.
Oh, he just couldn’t stop, could he? Well... he asked for it. “Yes, Darius, I’m with all three of them. We’re together. We love each other. We have sex. We fuck. What do you want me to say?”
He puts his hands up, turning his face away. “Jesus, ok. Didn’t need that much information, but I guess that’s what I deserve.”
I smile when I see him start to blush. “And tomorrow, when we break in and get them out, you’ll get to meet them and realize your judgmental attitude is unnecessary.”
With an exasperated sigh and a shake of his head, he says, “Ok, little honey badger. You got it. First thing in the morning.” His voice is almost a whisper in the waning daylight, not necessarily meant for me to hear, but meant for me all the same, as he says, “You know I’d do anything for you, right?” His brows furrow, a look of sincerity and regret shining in his eyes. “You might hate my guts for what I did to you. For what I did to us. But I had my reasons. Whether you understand them or not, I did them because I loved you.” He lets his gaze wander back to the door, words drifting under his breath as he resituates himself back on the couch. “Stilllove you.”
Through the burnt orange sunset streaming through the windows, I can see his jaw flex. The tension surrounding his eyes makes me want to go to him. To ease the pain I see as he winces and bites his lower lip. To understand more about what happened all those years ago, as well as the man who so openly shows his love, care, and affection toward someone he hasn’t seen in years.
I feel... detached. Untethered. For years, I treated him leaving as the harshest breakup ever possible. Leaving someone crying on their hands and knees in a public place? It’s humiliating. Never once did I think there was an ulterior motive to his callous display. But now? I’m not so sure about anything anymore.
Once again, he goes silent, his dejected eyes turned down as he resumes his task with the knife, and I take that for what it is: the end of this conversation.
At least for now.
I know there’s more to his story than the small amount he’s already unearthed for me today. And I know I still have the rest of my life to reveal to him. That is, if he even wants to hear about it. Ever since we ran into one another, he’s been so focused on my being alive he hasn’t been concerned with anything else.
Well, except for the fact I’ve used the past year to assemble my own little version of a fire team. But that’s just something he’s going to have to come to terms with in his own time.
With a small nod of acceptance, I turn and head into the bedroom. No matter how much I want to continue this discussion, I don’t have the energy. And if I’m about to risk my life getting my guys back, I need to reset and recharge.
It’s warm, so I remove my clothes—down to my t-shirt and underwear—and place them on a chair in the corner. Then, I pull back the blankets on the king-sized bed—thankful, once again, for Darius’ thoughtfulness—before I climb in and pull them over me. A moment later, Sadie leaps onto the bed, claiming the spot behind my bent knees as hers. My imaginary twin’s been quiet for a while, but I notice her sitting at the foot of the bed, her legs crossed in front of her as she silently watches over me.
But regardless of the company surrounding me, it’s not long before I realize just how alone I am.
The emptiness of the massive bed is unsettling.
It’s cold without them.
The night, too dark.
Shadows drift across the white walls, creating ghostly figures that keep me awake.
Silence descends before growls and groans sound from outside, causing my pulse to escalate and my muscles to seize momentarily. Me-two places a weightless hand on my calf, a finger to her pursed lips as she looks around. Sadie’s ears perk at the growing sounds, but not enough to note any concern from her.
It’s nothing, I tell myself.I’m overthinking and I just need to calm down.
So, I start counting to ten, working through the meditation techniques Cole taught me to settle my racing heart. The technique works, calming me down in just a few minutes, but it also makes me miss them even more.
Where are they?
Are they ok?
Are they even still alive?
I roll over with a huff, trying and failing to find a comfortable position in a bed that’s simply too massive for just me. Hours seem to pass by, sleep evading me despite my obvious exhaustion.
The growls eventually float away, replaced by an owl hooting in the distance and a symphony of crickets playing their evening songs. I’m also, thankfully, no longer fighting an impending anxiety attack, but I’m still on edge, unable to close my eyes and allow myself to surrender to the night.
All of a sudden, a soft song drifts in from just outside the door. The lyrics are unrecognizable, but the melody is absolutely beautiful. The rise and fall of his voice, filled with so much emotion, stirs tears in my eyes.
I turn over, facing towards the doorway as he continues, the notes crescendoing to a high point before gracefully backingdown. Like a gentle wave on the ocean, he rocks me with his soothing voice into a relaxed state. My pulse steadies, my breaths evening out. Soon enough, my eyes slowly drift closed to the soft, radiant music coming from the man I used to know.
The man I wish I still could know.
