Page 95 of Redemption
The entire way out here, Dare has been bringing me further up to speed with the town’s routines and infrastructure—community meal location, security watch points, identities and descriptions of people to definitely steer clear of, and others who I should lean in to and trust if we find ourselves in any trouble. He’s also come up with plans A, B, C all the way to ZZ if something should go wrong, which I appreciate, but the never-ending intel only seems to make everything more stressful.
It's too much and still not even close to enough.
My psychotic twin cracks her knuckles at my side, shaking them out with rising anxiety. I mimic her, the resoundingpops releasing only the tiniest amount of tension, but it’s enough to get me through another quarter mile. Looking down, I can tell Sadie also feels the lingering pressure. She’s been on edge ever since we left the safehouse and has twitched at every twig breaking or bird fluttering by. Her tail hasn’t even risen past half-mast this entire morning. One time, it swung too close to her face and she went apeshit, chasing and biting at itbefore even realizing it was her own and not an invisible enemy sent to attack our group. Poor girl, she’s going to need to get all the cuddles after this, and I, for one, will be the first in line to do so.
Although she’s Jax’s therapy dog, she chose to stay by my side, kept me safe this entire time. She even went so far as to attack Darius when he wasn’t seeing things my way. Granted... he kinda deserved her wrath. Between his adamant need for me to flee the state as well as the constant omissions and surprises pertaining to life within the Phoenix Rising community, it’s been a lot.
Am I upset about all the secrets and mysteries he keeps on hiding and revealing only when it benefits him? Fuck yes, I am. But... I’m starting to learn that I don’t need to know everything to understand the reasoning behind the action.
Trust.
A good relationship is built on trust.
I thumb at the necklace in my hand, still not believing he kept the thing all this time—A trinket to give him the strength to keep going.
Has he really thought of me this entire time?
Devoted himself to my memory for years after we parted?
A feeling I once thought lost stirs at the thought, while my heart clenches at the meaning.
Darius walks with purpose, pushing us off the road and further into the brush as the welcome sign for the township comes into view. Deeper and deeper we go until the warmth of the sun is but a memory, and the cooling chill of reality brushes against my skin. He pushes further, forcing me directly into the base of a large tree and pinning me there with his considerablestrength. Darting left and right, his gaze is predatory, searching for anything out of place, before trapping my stare with his. His eyes, beautiful and bold and holding so many memories, possess a magnitude of answers to questions I’m not sure I’m ready to ask.
“Alessandra...,” he starts, breaths feathering across my cheek as he leans in close. “We’re very close now. I just... I....” There’s a noticeable hesitation, as if he’s working himself up to whatever it is he’s about to say or do, but I’m not sure why.
He’s already confessed his love to me.
He’s protected me this entire time, giving no care for his own well-being.
He sang me to sleep again last night.
He saved me at Tryon Palace.
He’s leading us, come Hell or high water, directly into the beating heart of the Phoenix Rising cult to retrieve the three guys who have essentially replaced him, regardless of what that means for him. He could be captured. Tortured. He could die.
For me.
To make me happy.
If it can potentially cost him his life to do so, I don’t want it.
But, as I reminisce on our tortured past, isn’t that whathealways wanted?
For me to be happy?
Looking back on it, I can understand why he left me that day at the airport. We were young. Absolutely stupidly in love. And reckless. We thought we could handle everything and anything the world threw our way. But after hearing his side ofthings—his explanation for ending it so abruptly in my eyes, yet with gentle consideration in his—I can’t help but appreciate the gift he saw it as.
My freedom.
The chance to live my life on my own terms, rather than that of the government’s. To grow up and learn what I wanted from life, rather than to be thrown into the regimental chaos and hope to survive the madness.
Did I hate him? Loathe his decision? Despise the callous way he left me?
Yes.
Does it change the way I feel about him now that I’ve heard his side of the story and really listened to what he had to say? And that, after everything, he still loves me enough to follow through on his promise—to find my guys and rescue them—so I can live happily ever after, while also realizing he may not even be a part of that happy ending?
Yes.
