Page 93 of Redemption
Alessandra lets out a stuttered breath as she closes her eyes, pinching them tightly as her brows furrow under the weight of my confession. “How many?”
“Al... Look at me.”
She opens her beautiful eyes, filled to the brim with unshed tears.
“Once you’re a part of the Ascended, you’re assigned to a woman until she falls pregnant or until one of you is no longer deemed worthy. It’s not a random pick and choose that varies nightly.”
I pause to let her take it in. It’s a lot, and I know she has more questions aside from the one she’s already asked, but she remains silent. “While I had been tasked, due to sudden illness or untimely death, to cover for some of the other men as a substitute of sorts, I’ve only been the Keeper of one woman. But, in total, there were five.”
“Oh my God....” Her hands come up to her face as her entire body crumples.
“I’ve never fathered any children. I promise you this. And I hated every second of every time I was forced to take part in their charade. If I was given the chance to reject David’s demand without the burden of someone losing their life, I would have declined every single time. I never wanted to have sex with any of the women I was paired with. In fact, I haven’t been with any woman, because I wanted to, since that day I left you. It wassimply a task I couldn’t refuse, because doing so held extreme consequences. Death in most cases. It was coercion at its finest, doing the bidding of a madman as a means to simply survive his wrath. But, in the end, it solidified what I was meant to do. And by acting like a willing party, it gave me the resources and the ability to help those who needed it. Looking back, if it meant I was still able to save all those I already have, I would do it all over again.”
Her breath steadies a little, and, through a gap in her fingers, I see her watching me. It’s as if she needs a barrier to shield her from the unfortunate truth that her ex was practically pimped out and used as a stud horse for months on end. But even still... “You asked how many... and that’s how many I was forced to bed. But as far as how many I saved? The answer is thirty-four.”
Her hands finally fall from her face as awe creeps in. “Thirty-four?”
I nod. “Three were women from the Ascension House. I tried to take more, but people were starting to get suspicious, so I had to lengthen the times between their escape attempts. The rest were men who were either kin to them, men who were about to be placed on the chopping block due to inefficiency or outright disobedience, or men who were simply fed up with the lack of morality they were forced to take part in but remained silent, too afraid to become a martyr to the cause.”
“Darius....” She takes my hand between both of hers, looking anywhere but my face as my truth sinks in. I give her a moment, a few minutes to come to terms with what I’m actually doing behind the scenes and the reasoning behind it. “Darius... Thirty-four people...” she says on a gasp. “You’re amazing.” Still looking down at our clasped hands, the words she utters arebarely a whisper, but they’re everything I needed to hear after confessing my atrocious sins to her.
I go to lift my hand, wanting to pull her into me, but stop. Regardless of how she’s initially responding to these revelations, I don’t know how she’ll ultimately take all this news. That I catered to the whims of the Phoenix Rising mission for months, subjecting those women to regular degradation, and am still doing it. Despite the fact that I believe my reasons for doing so are justified—since I’m gaining knowledge to help them all eventually escape the hand of David—it’s still, undeniably, immoral.
At least in my eyes.
“I don’t sleep at night. At least not as much as I should. An hour or two here or there. That’s all. Want to know why?”
She doesn’t answer, just waits patiently for me to continue.
“When the base fell to the hordes... I can’t even truly describe the horrors I saw that day. What Iheardthat day. What I still do whenever I try to close my eyes.” I lick my lips, forcing myself to get through this. Regardless of how much I don’t want to relive it, I know talking about it helps.
My hand lifts to the side of my head, tense fingers splayed as I try to encompass all the shit still rolling around in my mind that refuses to release its hold on me. “It might be muted, but it’s all still in here, Al. I hear them every day. Their screams for help. Their cries as they turned. Their groans and growls as they, then, came after me.” I sigh, hands trembling at the memories. “Their blood is on my hands. I’m drenched in remorse and the guilt of knowing that I couldn’t save them regardless of how hard I tried.” My vision turns blurry, but one swipe of my palms across my face allows me to continue uninhibited.
“I thought the community David offered was one of salvation. A chance to start over, some way, somehow. It ended up being my chance for redemption. An opportunity to lift the heavy burden I placed upon my own shoulders for those I lost. A possibility to atone for the sins I committed in my life.” I gaze into Alessandra’s eyes, letting my vulnerability shine through the darkness, bringing all my truth to light. “I made saving those people trapped within the confines of Phoenix Rising my mission. Whether I lived or died, it didn’t matter, as long as they were safe.” My breath stammers as tears well in her eyes. “I went on that field op to Tryon Palace with the same mission in mind. Higher-ups in my unit noted there was a female in the group we were tracking, one of high priority. The men were to be taken as well and put to good use within the community in some way, shape, or form. But you?” I shake my head with barely restrained disgust at the thought of the Phoenix Rising leader. “David was ravenous, to say the least.”
Her eyes widen, chest rising and falling as her breathing takes on a quicker pace, but, despite it all, she still looks as determined as ever. That resolve she holds deep within the ocean of her gaze is unyielding. With one glance, I can tell she’s just as eager to throw herself to the wolves—even knowing their hunger—if it meant a chance to save the ones she loves.
Strongis too weak of a word to describe Mi Alma.
“Once I was aware of a female presence, I knew I had to deviate and implement my own plan. Phoenix Rising wasn’t going to render another woman as breeding fodder under my watch. No one was going to take you anywhere, because, regardless of your identity, you were the next one on my list to save, Alessandra. Still are, right along with the guys.” I grit my teeth, pleading with her to see the same tenacity forming in my own eyes. “I look at you, and I see loss. I lost you back at thatairport. Had to lose you all over again when I thought you fell to the contagion last year. Now, I see you willingly wanting to go into that town even after knowing all the fucked-up shit they do, and it kills me because I know, firsthand, what they’ll do to you if they get their hands on you.”
My brows furrow as I look upon the woman I’d not only kill for, but die for. I’d do anything she asked of me, but one thing remains true: I will not stand by and watch her sacrifice herself. I’m already a shell of who I once was, barely able to sleep at night or function during the day without the constant need to redeem myself from the sins of my past. Sins that include what I’ve done to the woman in front of me.
She watched me walk away from her in that airport, thinking she was unloved when she was the farthest thing from the concept. And now that she feels that love once again, she’s willing to potentially sacrifice herself, knowing full well what they do there, just to keep it. It’s the last thing I want to happen and the one thing I want to prevent.
But then I remember Baylor...
His choice.
Who am I to take a person’s choice away from them? To hold them hostage from what they truly want in life? I could wrap Alessandra in bubble tape and lock her in a coat closet if it meant she’d stay away from David and his sycophants, but she’d hate me for it in the end. And, being as stubborn and bullheaded as I remember her to be, I’m sure she’d still find a way to sneak into the town regardless of my attempts to keep her from the horrors hidden within plain sight. But she doesn’t know the town like I do; the hidden nooks and crannies where they keep their dirty little secrets, or the names of those amongst the people who are actually trustworthy and then the names ofthose who are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Alone, there’s a high probability of something going wrong. At least if I take her with me, there’s a chance she’ll be safe.
Without any further preamble or argument, I say, “But, even still, you win.”
“I.... What?”
I lick my lips as I stare up into her breathtaking gaze and smile, knowing if this is all I’m going to get, I’m going to relish in her glorious radiance for as long as I’m able. “Mi Alma, I’m done fighting. If this is what you want, I’m going to give it to you. Plus, with both of us together, I can make sure you’re safe while we find the guys.”
Silence descends around us, skepticism and confusion filling her gaze as she processes my surrender. Her brows turn down, but hope radiates as the corner of her mouth tweaks up. “Well... Ok then. About damn time someone listened to me around here.” She looks to the tree from earlier and points excitedly towards it. “Fuck yeah, I did!” Her sudden enthusiasm brings a smile to my lips and a small huff of a laugh in response. She turns back to me expectantly, looking down at her very aggressively offensive activewear. “So, how are we going to make this work, then? Just walk in?”
