Page 132 of Kingdom of Chaos
I take in a shaky breath, hoping it steadies me and buys me a few seconds, because how am I supposed to explain something to him that I don’t understand myself?
Becks is perfect. He always saw the best in me, even when I was at my worst, never asked me to be anything more than I was, and made me feel safe in a world that rarely is. He knows me better than anyone, makes me laugh when I need it most, and held pieces of me together when I felt like I was falling apart. I was in love with him, and that love was strong. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. But even as much as he’s been my safe harbor, I’m starting to wonder if we were meant to stay tethered forever. No matter how perfect he is . . . maybe we’re just not perfect for each other.
“I don’t know that I have the answers you’re looking for,” I confess, my voice barely above a whisper. “I love you too, Becks. I always will. You’re a part of me that I’ll never let go.”
His eyes spark with hope. Until I pause.
“But,” he prompts, his expression tightening like he’s bracing for impact.
“Something’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed. I just don’t know.”
“Are you trying to say that you love me,” he says slowly, each word dragging out like it physically hurts him to speak, “but you’re not in love with me anymore?”
“No, that’s not it,” I say quickly, my heart lurching as I take a small step forward, hands twisting together. “I don’t think that’s completely true.”
It would be easier to nod and let him believe that. To give him a clean break. But that would be a lie, and Becks deserves the truth, even if it hurts.
“It’s not as simple as that,” I admit, forcing myself to meet his gaze. “It’s . . .”
“Talon,” he finishes for me, the name a quiet exhale that seems to deflate him.
“I didn’t lie to you before. At least, not intentionally. My feelings for Talon, they snuck up on me. And they’re more powerful than I ever expected.”
I see it hit him like a physical blow. His shoulders drop, and for a second he looks like he might shatter.
Becks exhales slowly, his gaze dropping to the ground for a long moment before he looks back up at me. The pain in his eyes is raw, but there’s no malice there. Only love, steady and unwavering.
“I won’t pretend this doesn’t hurt,” he says, his voice quiet but sure. “And I’m not going to tell you I’m okay with it, because I’m not. But I meant what I said, Locklyn. I love you. That doesn’t go away overnight.”
He takes a small step back, like he needs to give me space even if it’s the last thing he wants.
“If this thing with Talon doesn’t work out, if somewhere down the line you realize he wasn’t the one after all—just know I’m still here. I don’t know if that makes me an idiot or just someone who’s never stopped believing in us. But either way, I’ll be waiting.”
A lump rises in my throat. I take a slow step toward him, placing my hand lightly over his heart.
“Becks, I don’t want that for you,” I say softly, my voice thick. “I know how much it hurts to be on the other side of waiting. To be left wondering if someone’s going to choose you. We livedthat, remember? When we had to hide what we were because of your title. Because loving me wasn’t fair to you, not really.”
His jaw tightens, but he doesn’t pull away.
“You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation. Who doesn’t make you wait or wonder or hurt. That’s what I want for myself, and that’s also what I want for you.”
I blink fast, willing the sting in my eyes to fade.
“I will always love you, Becks. That’s never going to change. But don’t wait for me. Live your life. Be happy. You deserve that. You always have.”
Becks lets out a long breath, his eyes searching mine like he’s memorizing every detail. Then, with a half shrug and the kind of crooked smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes, he says, “I hear you. I do. But I’ve never been great at letting go of things that matter.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he holds up a hand.
“I’m not saying I’ll wait forever, Locklyn. Just . . . don’t expect me to move on tomorrow. Not when there’s still a chance. Not when I’ve spent years loving you.” His lips twitch into a faint smile. “Besides, we’ve got to survive the next twenty-four hours first. If one of us gets turned into creature chow, this whole conversation’s going to feel pretty pointless.”
A surprised laugh escapes me, and some of the tightness in my chest eases.
He grins, softer now. “Go save the world. At least this one. I’ll try to keep the dramatic rescues to a minimum this time.”
Thirty-Six
When we re-enter the warehouse,I wouldn’t say things are completely resolved with Becks, but I feel better knowing I haven’t lost him. At least not fully. Becks is a part of me, and if I’d lost him—truly lost his friendship and presence in my life, which was a real possibility—it would have shattered me. Perhaps beyond repair. And although we have no guarantees about what comes next, at least we’re not carrying the weight of unspoken words into the night ahead.
