Page 120 of Lovely Venom
I stare at her. Her hands tremble slightly at her sides, and she won’t look me in the eye.
Without another word, I fish the pack from my pocket and slam it into the garbage can beside me. “Here. That’s it. I’m done.”
“Do you know how many cigarettes, packs, andcartonsmy mother threw out in front of me?” she says with restrained anger. “I’d find her an hour later digging through a dumpster.”
Fuck, that’s hardcore.
“It’s an addiction. I get it.” She paces in tight circles. “She wasawfulto me whenever she tried to quit. Withdrawal made her so mean.”
I cup her face, forcing her distant eyes to look at me. “I’m not addicted like that,” I say with a steady voice, leaving no room for doubt. “And as far as I’m concerned, that’s the last cigarette I’ll ever smoke.”
Raina blinks up at me, staring at me like I’m a fuckingliar. A tear slips down her cheek, and she wipes it away fast with a slap to her face, like she’s mad at herself for letting it fall.
“She smoked my whole life,” she whispers. “Ihaveasthma because of it. That near-death experience you shared with me earlier was from secondhand cigarette smoke.”
“Raina, I swear. I’m done.”
“Inevermeant enough for her to stop.” She looks at me, eyes raw. “Why do I mean that much toyou?”
“Because it’s different with a partner.” I anchor my hands around her waist. “You couldn’t stop being your mother’s daughter. You can leave a partner at any time.”
Not that I’ll let her leave me. I was serious about never touching a cigarette again. Not if it means it will hurt her and she’ll hate me.
Raina looks at me as if she’s trying to absorb the words, tobelievethem.
“We spend more time in this life with a partner than we do with our parents,” I add. “Yeah, those years shape us. They fuck us up, too. But being with someone youcareabout? That’s stronger.”
She stands there, quiet, confused.
“Just trust me.” But with smoke lingering on my lips, I won’t kiss her. “If I need help quitting, I’ll get it. Patches. Hypnosis.Surgery.Anything.”
She pulls back, her eyebrows knitting together. “Do you really mean that?”
I take her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles that look so bare. “Aye.”
Raina stares at me for a long moment. Then she lets go of a steady breath to get under control.
I watch the rise and fall of her chest. I can still taste smoke when I breathe, and it will forever remind me how my heart fell into my stomach hearing Raina tell me shenever wants to see me again.
Talk about aversion therapy.
“I didn’t think I could want someone this much,” I whisper, my thumb brushing over the edge of her jaw. “Didn’t know I could be afraid to lose something.”
Her lips part, but she doesn’t speak.
“You said you didn’t want anything to do with me,” I go on, voice hoarse. “And I believed you.”
She flinches. “Connor, I was scared. Shocked.”
“I’ve killed for less than what that did to me,” I murmur, my forehead tipping to hers. “If throwing away a pack of cigarettes means maybe you’ll stay, then I’ll never light one again.”
Her breath hitches.
And for a few seconds, neither of us speaks. Then I pull her hand to my chest, right over the part of me she’s already ruined.
“Let’s go home, so I can prove again and again how much you mean to me.”
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
