Page 105 of An Unexpected Ascension
“And to find the tree is to get through the Silva Timoris. Which she cannot do.”
I shake my head, “We can’t risk running into the demon again. I... it cannot be maimed. I tried, but it turned into shadow, into nothing.”
Lucifer lowers himself into the chair opposite of me. “Did it speak?”
“It did, but not from a mouth. It spoke inside my mind. Told me that there’s a chance Briar may not overcome her fear.” The Devil nods. “Except you’ve fixed her.”
“I merely fixed her body, not her mind. She must do that on her own.”
My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. There’s no telling how long that will take.
“Lynx, you worry like I’ve never seen before. What words did the demon curse you with?”
“It does not matter. I hold no fears.”
He scoffs in disbelief. “And this is what it said?”
“It uttered absolute nonsense.” Lucifer’s eyes darken, a look of demand setting his face to stone. I sigh. “It said my fears are alive, that they breathe, and they may become me.”
His fingers tap along the surface of the table as he contemplates the ramblings of a ghost.
“Maybe there is meaning, my friend. Perhaps it tells you you’re already living your fear.”
“I told you I have no fears.” But even as I say it, I know it’s a lie.
So does my God.
“Then why worry so much? Why abandon your quest halfway through when time is short? For a woman you do not care for.”
“Are you inferring that my biggest fear is losing someone I hate the most?”
“That you don’t hate at all.”
My mind rolls. A deafening clink of glass against metal rings through the room as I slam my tumbler down, pushing myself to stand.
“Now settle a breath, Lynx. Sit down, hear me out.” He waits until I oblige. “To not hate that woman means to let go centuries of wrath, of a promise you made to yourself while grieving and mad with rage. To not hate her means that perhaps there’s a heart inside of you after all, that your soul isn’t as demented and empty as you wish it to be. That you feel as we all do, that you are capable of love. And to love means to risk everything. To lay your barricaded heart on the line free from its walls, free from safety. And to lose what you love most, that is your biggest fear.”
“I. Do. Not. Love. Her.” The room begins to cave in, my vision tunneling.
I am sick of everyone around me pretending this useless thing in my chest beats out of anything but memory. This organ that’s plagued me for far too long remains as empty as I will it to.
“No, maybe not, but you do not hate her. At least admit to that.”
Nothing. Not a word slips free. I cannot allow it.
Lucifer leans back in his chair, wearily watching me, the wheels in my head spinning relentlessly. Back and forth, my thoughts warring.
I do not love the woman.
I cannot love the woman.
An endless chant I’ve repeated since the day I laid eyes on her.
“This conversation is over.”
The God of Hell does not stop me when I storm from the war room, enclosing myself in my own quarters. The bloody sun glows dimly this evening and though my stomach yearns for substance as if the pang was anything but a way of petty torment, I forego the meal lain out in the Great Hall.
Instead, I drop into the black velvet chair placed before the hearth in my room and watch a flame ignite with the snap of my fingers. It flickers, emanating a heat that licks at my clothed shins. Dancing merrily, freely, wildly with no care in the world that this is Hell.
