Page 71 of Opposites (Never) Attract
“I have total faith in you, honey.” She squeezed me again and walked back to her table, leaving me looking around at everyone in the restaurant wondering ifeveryoneknew.
I slid into the booth across from Mom, feeling the eyes of the place on me. I felt like that kid again, different and strange.
“Relax, honey,” Mom said, and that didn’t help.
Oddly, the only thing that helped was imagining what Tag would say.
Let ‘em look. You’re gonna save all their asses.
True or not, it allowed me to lift my head and roll my shoulders back. Amity came by and slid two plates in front of us.
“I ordered us the special,” Mom said.
The plate was heaped with fries and a beef brisket sandwich on ciabatta bread the size of my head.
“This is…” I stopped. There were a million different ways I could finish that sentence. Too much food for two people, much less one. Half a cow. Seven thousand calories. Not food I ever ate anymore.
But, I felt my sister watching me, and I beamed up at her.
“Amazing,” I finished.
Amity sighed, like she’d been holding her breath, waiting for my opinion. “Enjoy,” she chirped, and whirled away to see to other customers.
“You don’t eat like this in the city?” Mom asked, digging into her fries. Mom always ate her fries first, she said they were the best part.
“No,” I said. “This is enoughfood for a week.”
I didn’t even know how to attack the sandwich, and decided to just go for it.
“City living must agree with you,” Mom said, adding a little puddle of ketchup to her plate.
I couldn’t answer, my mouth was full. It was delicious, of course. Tender and spicy. There was something sweet in there too.
“You look…” Mom stopped.
Now, I was braced, waiting for my mother’s opinion. Objectively, I knew how I looked. I’d worked hard to shed who I’d been and become this powerful version of myself. But one word from my mother, and I’d be back to that ugly duckling.
“Beautiful,” she said. “So sophisticated. If I didn’t have your 8thgrade picture on my fridge, I’d never guess you were the same person.”
“Thanks,” I said, with a laugh. That 8thgrade picture was legendary.
“Was it hard?” she asked, and I was surprised by the question. “Adapting to that new life?”
“I little,” I said. “Building my self-confidence was hard. The rest was just money, really. And growing up.”
The silence between us was suddenly crowded with other questions I didn’t want to ask.
Why didn’t you visit me? How could you let me go out there and never want to see where I lived and what I was doing?
But I knew the answers, I just didn’t like them.
My therapist would remind me that my mother’s fears were about her. Not about me. And, I had to accept my mom as she was, not as I wished she could be. It was easier to do that here, in this tiny, strange town that raised both of us.
Here, I could see my mom clearly. She was just a woman, trying her best.
I took another bite of sandwich. Honestly, it was so good.
Strange, I didn’t realize how famished I was until just now. Sneaking out of the house, giving Tag an epic blowjob, and then breaking down in an emotional collapse really took it out of a girl.
