Page 36 of Begrudgingly Yours
“What did you do?” Kit asks like there’s a rhetorical answer to his question.
“Nothing!” I say a bit defensively. “We had a threesome a long time ago and it was the best sex of my life but now she doesn’t want anything to do with us.”
Ciro snickers and Everett huffs out, “Dax,please.” I look over and see the rest of the group is now listening to our conversation. Thatcher’s face is the most expressive I’ve ever seen it as he leans in closer to hear.
Kit laughs. “Well, you must have done something. Or maybe the sex wasn’t as good as you remember.”
I let out a dramatic gasp as Kendall snorts under his breath. Everett puts his head in his hands, which catches Kit’s attention. “Are you the almost-pack mate?”
Everett looks back up, and I can see that he’s debating on whether or not to lie before he ultimately nods. “Yes, but please ignore him. He’s just being crazy.”
“Hey,” I slur at him, but can’t get anything else out before Kit starts talking again.
“Maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe she isn’t ready for anything serious. Have you ever thought about that?” he says diplomatically.
Of course I’ve thought about that. And I want to respect it. It’s just… every day without her feels like a day wasted.
Kit is still looking at me expectantly so I respond. “Yeah, I have.”
“Then give her some space. If her omega feels pulled to you the same way you are to her, then she will eventually accept that. We’re young, and being all-in with someone can be scary.”He looks over at Sam when he says this. There’s happiness as they look at each other, but anxiousness, too.
I remember back to last semester when the guys were pursuing Stacia. It didn’t happen overnight. They had to work through things before finding a baseline, and it seems like Sam and Kit are going through the same thing now. Even if you find your future person, it doesn’t just snap into place as easily as you’d think. There’s real challenges, real hurdles to jump over. Biology and scent compatibility doesn’t solve everything for us, we also have to do the work ourselves.
I’m starting to realize that now.
“Thank you,” I tell him, and he looks back at me slightly surprised. I may have embarrassed myself just now, but the hole inside me feels like it’s closing up. Now I know what I need to do and it has nothing to do with convincing Rory to give us a shot.
It’s about working on myself, becoming the man Rory deserves. And if she ever decides she’d like to start things back up, I’ll be ready for her.
NINETEEN
Playing: Vertigo by Griff
I squeezemy thighs together and force myself to think about anything else. Literallyanythingother than Jett’s stupid hair and his stupid back muscles and his stupid sexysmirk.
Not to mention hisscent. I want to cut the spice of it into a line and snort it so I can have it directly in my bloodstream.
I shake my head almost violently at the thought. It’s exactly like Stacia said. My body feels like it’s experiencing a second puberty. Its awareness of its scent match leaves me wanting, and I absolutelyrefuseto satisfy it.
It’s been almost two days since everything turned upside down. Every memory I have with Jett now feels different, full of expectation. He never gave me any indication, anysign. He always called me twilight even though it annoyed me and sat near me even though he knew I didn’t want to speak to him.
But he’s also been my biggest supporter these last few weeks, and now I know why. We were both eighteen when wemet, young and inexperienced and new to being on our own. There could be any number of reasons why he kept this a secret from me, but remembering that we were just kids helps me a little bit. Now we’re young adults, entering into the rest of our lives.
He’s matured, that much is true. He’s kind, considerate, emotionally aware.
It pisses me off.
I groan again when I feel my omega beckoning me closer and closer to the edge. She is feral inside my skin, waiting for the moment I give up and let my body have what it wants. I’m doing everything I can to distract myself, even going as far as to doomscroll YouTube shorts because it’s a dangerous portal and I need to be sucked in.
I feel bad for declining Stacia’s offer to hang out again last night. Being around her would have been a minor distraction—minor because of them all being scent matches—but I just can’t be around Dax or Everett right now. Being around them is confusing enough, but now that I have a scent match, it feels impossible to think about them.
When my omega does convince me to remember my night with them, and all the awkwardness I’ve built with them since then, I normally end up questioning whether or not they would be okay with Jett. Would they still want me if they knew about my scent match? Would they get along?
But then I feel guilty, because I have no right to have these kinds of questions, not when I have been pushing them away at every turn.
I’m not the only one avoiding men, though. The second Opal heard Sam’s name on the speaker phone, her eyes flashed with fear and she shook her head from side to side so hard that I thought she might snap it off. She’s still struggling to come to terms with her situation. I don’t blame her. In fact, trying tounderstand her point of view is helping me understand Jett’s as well.
Maybe what Jett did wasn’t malicious. Maybe he had a perfectly good reason, just like Opal does.
