Page 9 of Begrudgingly Yours
He returns my smile, and it fills me with a familiarity that causes that same instinct to appear in the back of my mind. That this is a version of home, a support that’s more than just regular friendship. His smile tells me everything’s going to be okay, and some of the pent up frustration in my body fades.
“Ready to win this game?” I ask him, a cheeky smile finding my lips.
His hand claps my shoulder, a new vitality in his expression. “Yeah, brother, let’s do this.”
FIVE
Playing: Mess It Up by Gracie Abrams
A horn is blownas the clock hits zero, indicating that Bensen took a very unexpected win.
When the screen shows the boys hollering and celebrating, it cuts to an image of Dax and Everett hugging in solidarity. My knee-jerk reaction is to turn the TV off, their smiling faces disappearing as the screen goes black. I sit in silence, like the slightest movement will cause an avalanche and suddenly everyone will know that I just spontaneously watched almost three hours of a sport I don’t necessarily enjoy all because I can’t stop thinking of the two players I saw at dinner today.
The game wasn’t boring, either. There seemed to be a rivalry between the two teams tonight, which resulted in a lot of tension displayed on the ice. It was like watching a drama or a documentary, every player filling their role in a way that left the audience on the edge of their seat. It was poetic. I never knew hockey couldbe so dramatic.
The last time a hockey game was that much fun, Stacia’s ex boyfriend was getting pummeled by her scent match in the middle of the second period. Which wasmind-blowingbecause they were on the same team and her scent match is the captain.
As much as I enjoyed the game, I was also nervous. Dax went out of his way to protect Everett, but he also got caught up in a lot of bullshit on the ice. I nearly panicked when it looked like there would be a fight between him and a member on the opposing team. It stirred up an emotion in me that I don’t want to look at too closely.
The game itself was entertaining enough to distract me from what I was doing when I voluntarily put it on, but now I’m left with a strange aftertaste in my mouth. Like a weird moment of shame that settles in after an oxytocin crash. That’s a dramatic way to describe how I feel right now, because it’s justhockey, but it’s hockey that I can’t tell anyone about.
There is someone I could tell, but I’d have to tell herwhyand that’s the part that’s holding me up. I’m guessing after today, Stacia has a suspicion, but I can’t bring myself to talk about it. She’s texted me about five times to ask about what happened at dinner, but every reply I come up with doesn’t sound like an omission anymore… it sounds like straight-up lying. I can’t play it cool now that she knows something might be up. This may be an actress’ dilemma, but it’s embarrassing that I can’t lie to my best friend because I’m supposed to be able to lie for a living.
I’m also on edge because I seemed to lose track of time this month. When I looked at my calendar and saw it was the nineteenth, I literally did a spit-take that my rug definitely didn’t appreciate it.
The four year anniversary of my dad’s death is coming up quickly, and the anxiety that plagues me every year since is slowly making its ugly appearance. The few days surroundingthe anniversary are always filled with leftover grief and sadness. Not to mention, my mom’s insistence to harass me about my inheritance also puts me in a bad mood.
She’s like a dark cloud over an already dusty sky every September. She’s never forgiven me for being the sole inheritor in my father’s will. She was the breadwinner, so she didn’t even know there was anything to inherit until he passed away and his lawyer gave me a golden ticket to freedom away from her.
Even in death, my dad was looking out for me. I miss him so much, it hurts. He didn’t get enough stress-free time in his life, which is why I’m determined to protect the peace I have in mine.
My mother isn’t allowed in my life but I don’t think she minds all that much. All she’s ever cared about is money. So, I avoid her calls for about five days every year like clockwork and the rest of the year is cloud-free. That little disturbance of my boundary is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Plus, I like the reminder that she’s nothing worth crying about.
I’m pulled out of my thoughts when the doorbell rings. The sound jolts me, because there’s no one that could possibly be at our house at this hour.
When I get to the living room, Opal is already opening the door. Stacia’s long brown waves are the first thing I see, but then I look down to all the stuff she’s carrying in her arms.
“We’re having an impromptu sleepover,” she announces as she walks inside.
Opal’s eyes get big, her excitement palpable. “Sick! I love sleepovers.” She pulls her cardigan further over her small frame like a chill just cast over her.
Stacia’s eyes meet mine. I’m about to ask why she’s here instead of celebrating with her mates after their win, but thenshe’d know I was watching the game, so I close my lips into a tight line.
“I know you don’t want to talk about whatever happened today, Cranny, but this is it. No running away.” Her tone tells me there’s no room for argument. “However, I will give you some time to relax first before I force you to tell me what’s wrong. And since I foundthiswhile moving out, we’re watching it.” She reaches into one of the bags in her arms and pulls out a DVD case withThe Princess Diaries 2printed on the front.
Opal grabs the movie from her hand and squeals. “Yes! Ilovethis fucking movie! I’ll go make popcorn.”
“I don’t thinkChris was the right pick for this role.”
The second the words leave my mouth, there’s an uproar. Stacia and Opal both start talking a mile a minute, berating me for the opinion that I just let invade their sacred space.
“I can’t believe you just said that,” Stacia muses as she opens up another bag of Hazelnut M&Ms.
“He is one of the reasons why this movie did as well as it did,” Opal argues, her eyes wide and distraught.
I put my hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying he’s a bit too dormant to play the alpha role the way it was meant to be played. It’s hard to act between designations like that, especially if you’re not willing to understand the instincts of other designations while you’re in character.”
