Page 40 of Begrudgingly Yours
“Jett came over,” I barely get out because my throat becomes dry. “He wanted to talk.”
Opal doesn’t say anything, just watches me and waits for an explanation.
“He’s my scent match, Opal,” I say in a soft confession and I hear her sudden intake of breath. “He’s known since we met. His scent came back the other day in rehearsal.”
She nods a few times. “I was wondering whose smell that was,” she gripes. “And that also explains why you snapped at me on Friday.”
The guilt I feel is transparent. “I’m sorry, Opal. I know I already said it and you forgave me, but please let me say it a few more dozen times so I can feel absolved from it. You didn’t deserve that.”
She gives a slight shake of her head. “I already forgive you, sono, I don’t want to hear it again. You apologized, leave it at that.” Sheadjusts the blanket on my shoulder so it covers me up more. “And now that I know what happened, and what drastic thing you had just been through, I especially don’t want to hear it. You have every right to feel betrayed, angry,sad… literally any way you want.”
I nod and I feel another tear slide down my face. There’s been so many since yesterday that I’m thinking about calling Stacia and apologizing for all the times I called her a crybaby for being a Pisces.
Even fire signs are susceptible to the high emotions of mating, it seems.
“I feel angry, and sure, a part of it is because he didn’t tell me, but mainly I’m angry that this is happening atall,” I share. “I have a scent match and heliedto me, but I can’t lie to myself and say that if he didn’t that I would have accepted everything right away because I wouldn’t have.”
Opal gives me a sympathetic look. “Why do you say that?”
“I don’t want to be bonded to an alpha.Anyalpha. Until Everett and Dax, I never even looked at them. They might as well have been chopped liver slithering by me on the quad.”
Opal lets out a tiny chuckle at that. “Sorry, the visual that gave me. Okay, I’m good, keep going.”
I try to crack a smile at that, but I think about my mother again. Her bark, her control over my dad, and everything comes pouring out.
“Oh gosh, Opal. I made a huge fucking mistake,” I sob.
“Rory—” she tries but I keep talking.
“I wish I was a beta,” I say. “I should have been a fucking beta.”
When I was eighteen, I was so excited to finally present. I couldn’t wait to officially become a beta and be just like my dad, especially since he was no longer around.
Now I have these fucking omega instincts and urges and it’s so hard to divert from them. Stacia said letting your omega haveher way is the same as letting yourself have the things you really want, but thatcan’tbe true. Because I’ve vowed for a long time now to leave the generational trauma behind, and that includes not letting an alpha have control over me.
Inanycapacity.
“Rory, things feel heavy right now. And you’re probably hormonal, too, because that’s what finding scent matches does to us, but everything is going to be okay. Ipromise.”
I shake my head. “You can’t promise that.”
“Yes, I can,” she replies. “Because I’m going to be here for you every step of the way. Stacia is, too. You have people in your corner.”
I nod, because it’s true. They’re the best people in the world. But I still self-deprecatingly think about whether or not my dad had people in his corner and—if he did—why they didn’t keep him from marrying my mom.
TWENTY
Playing: back to friends by sombr
“I want you to leave.”
The words are burned into my brain. They play on repeat, an incantation permanently taking residence in my cerebrum. It’s driving me absolutely crazy.
I can’t read lines without thinking about her. I can’t watch TV. I can’t even pick up my phone because I immediately go to our very limited text chain.
I have never wanted a drink more than I do right now.
But I know that won’t help me. It would be a temporary high, fleeting and insignificant. I can’t do that to myself or to her.
