Page 98 of Patiently Yours
She accepts the pills when they are offered. I can’t do anything but watch her hand bring them to our mouth. She has taken these before, but never in a dissociative state, and never so many at once.
It’s not a surprise, though. Whenever the spineless alpha would spew evil words at us, she’d take them. The first time was brutal. He apologized a few days later right before hurting us again. He’d gotten flowers, told her that he loved her and that he was the only one who would ever love her that much. She didn’t have the energy to realize the bullshit, still numb and confused. She wanted to pretend it didn’t happen, that it was something she imagined from one of the books she was reading.
She didn’t listen to me then, and she’s not listening to me now. No matter how many instincts I send up her spine, she feels better disconnected. She feels safe this way.
I love her. I don’t blame her for wanting to feel that way.
The verbal beating before the pills was brutal. I felt every sensitivity poked and prodded at by that craven. Something inside my human had turned off that day, and it had stayed off. Until we ran into a pretty beta outside Alpha Xi.
There’s a fogginess now, setting in heavier by the second. She’s brought us to a green clearing now, her footsteps faltering. She freezes as something cold spreads over us. In the confusion, I can hear her thought clearly:
What is happening to me?
Our body falls backwards, but we never hit the ground. I am confused by the sensation. We are sprawled out, but nothing hurts. The body has become completely numb.
It’s a beautiful feeling of nothingness. I feel relaxed, no longer worried about anything or anyone.
Deep in the crevice of our mind, there’s a few faces and names I can’t quite remember.
I am finally experiencing what I’ve been searching for. Complete bliss. I am fully letting go.
I agree with her. We feel on equal ground again, feeling and wanting the same thing. I feel her close our eyes, and a dark abyss chases us.
Then I see their faces. Blonde hair, lightning earrings, the smell of chamomile tea with a good book, the sound of a bass strumming softly in a dimmed room…
My mates…
I panic, sending shock into the body.
Wake up!Stacia, please!
I am banging from the place deep within her. She can no longer hear me, let alone herself. She’s forgotten that I know what we need, and now we are here, dying in the sunken earth.
My mates.I plead…
I’m so sorry.
I remember each of their scents one more time before I succumb to feeling once again, and let it drag us under.
FORTY-SEVEN
Playing: I Will Follow You into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie
We haven’t heardfrom Stacia. All of our texts have gone unanswered and it’s been hours since the dinner with her parents.
Our instincts are riding us hard, but Atlas stays firm.
“We have to give her space to come to us,” he reminds us for the ten-millionth time. “This is still a lot for her.”
Ciro puts his phone back down after checking it yet again. “I just wish I knew she was safe. And happy.”
“We would if we were bonded,” I mutter, more to myself than them, but when I look up, they’re all staring at me.
Atlas gives me that prime alpha sternness. “That is the opposite of patient.”
“I don’t feel very fucking patient. I feel like my omeganeedsme,” I spit at them, feeling my anger pivot exponentially. “We all know something is wrong. It’s just that the 1 percent chance that she’s okay is screwing with you. They’re called instincts for a reason, and we need to fuckingfollowthem.”
More than her needing me, I needher. I need to see her, remind her of her worth, hold her securely in my arms.
