Page 6 of Patiently Yours
Ciro gives a drunken snore. His close cropped hair is about as messy as it can be. He shaved the sides awhile back to get some tattoos, but now they’re hidden under a layer of regrown hair. His spike earrings dangle in his face as he sleeps.
I finally take a seat and pull out my phone, preparing everyone’s order for delivery. Even Ciro, because I know he’ll demand his burrito the second he smells food in the air. It’s always a beacon that pulls him from his drunken stupor.
“Do you want the usual, Uri?” I ask. He only nods before sitting on the empty spot next to Ciro. After I’m done, I set my phone down, and rub a hand over my face.
Now that there isn’t any music or flowing alcohol distracting me, I can’t stop my brain from going back to what happened at the arena. To the smell that entranced me. I’m having a hard time keeping it to myself, but there’s some details that’s preventing me from telling my pack. Not only did I not see who it belonged to, but I might never see or smell them again. Even the thought of it leaves my alpha in a somber-like state. I have to evaluate how disappointed my brothers might be at that scenario. I have to protect them, just in case.
It doesn’t help that Derek did eventually arrive to the party. He was in a terrible mood despite having that incredible smellon him. I had to hold my alpha back from doing something inappropriate and weird, like taking a big whiff of our frat brother in order to confirm or deny what I thought I knew. It gave me an uneasy feeling.
His girlfriend was the one waiting for him. Couldthatbe who I was smelling?
But he also mentioned his girlfriend has a roommate that accompanied her to the game, right before he called her a bitch. The distasteful expletive nearly sent the whole group of us into a rage.
“You alright, At?” I look up at him, realizing I’ve been zoned out for too long. Uriah has the TV on and has already synced up our favorite post-party show:New Girl.
“Yeah,” I say absentmindedly. Kendall is passed out on the recliner, so it looks like he’ll be eating a cold black bean chalupa. I meet Uriah’s gaze again; his phone is now on the coffee table, his attention completely on me as he patiently waits for me to tell him what’s really going on.
If there is someone I can share this with, it’s Uriah. And Ishouldtell someone.
I open my mouth but I can’t get the words out. I remember the smell that I could feel all the way down to my toes, and the uneasy feeling I had when I realized it was connected toDerekof all people. I imagine a life where my pack knows this truth but we never find her again. How we might push away any omega we try to court because of the one who got away. The lonely hypothetical solidifies my worries.
I’m the prime alpha of our pack. Until we know for sure, I don’t want to burden them with this. Maybe I’ll even forget about it by tomorrow.
You won’t, my alpha growls.
My phone beeps, pulling me from my thoughts. I give Uriah a convincing smile. “I drank a bit too much. I just need food. I’ll be right back.”
He lets me drop it, because he’s a good pack mate and an amazing friend. He has no idea that I have potentially life changing information, so he lets me keep it to myself.
He has no idea that I think I smelled our scent match tonight.
FIVE
Playing: Mourning by Post Malone
3 MonthsLater
I admire the brightly colored square sitting on my fingertip. There are orange waves intricately woven across the tiny paper, the pattern shimmering as it dances with the light of the fire. I put the tab on my tongue and let it sit.
I feel the sizzling warmth in front of me. When I took a seat around this fireplace, I must’ve accidentally sat in someone’s rotation because every few minutes, a blunt is passed to me. I accept it gratefully, giving the person a kind smile before doing the usual puff, puff, and pass. I haven’t been doing psychedelics for very long, but I know weed always makes the transition much smoother.
I only have about thirty minutes to get home before the trip starts. I imagine my cozy sheets and comfort show playing while my favorite wax melts fill the room with a relaxing aura. I think about shutting out reality for a while. Alongwhile.
The thought is heavenly.
Rory doesn’t agree with my new fondness for psychedelics. The weed was fine, but once I dipped my toe into LSD and Molly, she made it clear how she felt. I didn’t even tell her about the occasional Xanax and Adderall. She definitely wouldn’t approve of pills of all things.
She asked me to stop, and I vaguely agreed. I think she knows I didn’t quit, but we don’t talk about it. I couldn’t tell her the real reason I didn’t want to stop, mostly because I don’t completely understand it myself.
I can’t describe the calmness that it incites in me; it pauses the overwhelming emotion that life pours into my body. It’s the only peace I’ve had these last few months. I refuse to give it up.
I finally stand up and make my way out of the circle. I’m not exactly sure where I am right now. College row always has wonderful parties, and it’s easy to pop in and out when you’re not very popular.
My mind goes back to the last time that was brought to my attention. How Derek hissed it in my ear after one of his friends asked me a question.
I shake the memory out of my head.I don’t want to think about that.
I stumble over an uneven patch of dirt, scuffing my flats along the roots. A giggle escapes me as I right myself only to run right into a hard body. This time, there’s no righting myself. I fall straight to the ground.
