Page 32 of Patiently Yours
They all give me beautiful smiles, but it’s Atlas who speaks for the group. “Of course. Like I said, we will follow your lead.”
The air around us turns soft and tactile. Their scents flourish once more. I give a small laugh. “I’m guessing this isn’t usually how game night ends.”
To my surprise, they return my laughter. “It happens more often than you’d think. If any of us are having a problem, we don’t cancel game night. It normally forces us to deal with it.”
“You guys fight?” The curious question comes out before I can stop it.
“Not very often, but it’s happened. That’s why working on your own individual stuff is important when it comes to being in a pack. If there’s too much ego, things can get muddled.” Atlas picks up the uno cards and starts to shuffle them. “The general rule when there’s a scuffle is to see it from the other person’s perspective. We try to practice mindfulness around it as much as we can.”
My body rears back at those words.
You’re already airheaded enough, don’t you think?
She’s careless and unmindful, Robert. It’s who she is.
I shake away the thoughts before it can translate to my scent. “I think that’s really lovely,” I tell them before grabbing anotherindividual shot bottle off the table. I lean my head back and take it down in one gulp before meeting their gazes once more. “What are we playing next?”
They let me redirect them into the next game and don’t question my sense of urgency. I’m grateful for that, because this is one of the best nights of my life, and I refuse to let it be ruined by hurtful things in my past.
I refuse to let it ruin any night I get to spend with this pack.
I can be more mindful, I can be more present.
If it means I want this pack, I have to be.
SIXTEEN
“You look happy,” Rory comments as she saunters through the kitchen with bags hanging from her arms. I stand up to help her, trying not to show how happy I actually am by wiping the absentminded grin off my face.
After the emotional undoing the night before, Pack Pearson and I settled into a fun routine of cards, shots, and board games. After I got home, I went to sleep with a huge smile on my face.
I can’t remember the last time I was that happy after a night out.
“You’re not getting any details,” I tell her, which earns me a scoff. I came in late the night before, and luckily Rory had already gone to bed for the night. I wasn’t ready yet to disclose how wonderful the night went, or to admit how my life might change now that I’ve met my scent matches.
“We both know you’re going to tell me eventually, so you might as well start. I thought we agreed there’d be no more secrets.”
“Some things aren’tsecrets, they’reprivate.”
“Privacy? What’s that?”
I huff a laugh while taking a bag from her. “You never wanted to hear certain things about?—”
She shoots me a warning glance.
“The almightydickwad,” I correct dramatically. “So, I don’t see how this is any different.”
“First, drop the almighty. It still makes him sound greater than when he isnot.” She flicks my nose playfully before heading to the fridge. “Second, I didn’t want to hear anything because I absolutelyhatedhim!”
I turn to look at her from the pantry. I’m not sure why I’m surprised. She was never discreet about her distaste for him. She told me many times that she thought he was bad news. I guess now that I finally agree with her, I can finally think back to all those times much differently.
“You must have thought I was so naïve,” I state self-deprecatingly before continuing to shelf the snacks. I focus on the brand names a bit more intently in order to ground myself. I’ve been learning ways to not disconnect when triggered, and I’m almost certain that’s what I’m feeling right now.
I feel her come up behind me before she takes the pack of oreos from my hand. She sets them down before maneuvering me to face her.
“Not atall, Stacia,” She tells me, and I look into her eyes and see the sincerity of it. Some of her dyed hair fans the front of her face as she turns back to the kitchen. “I told myself that you knew him better than I did. That you probably saw better qualities in him than I could. Then I realized he was putting on an act for you. He was never kind to me when your back was turned. He was pretentiously obtuse.” She sighs softly. “I never once thought less of you for not seeing through it. As an actor myself, I have to recognize that he was very good at it. I was just afraid that if I pushed too hard, you’d resent me, and then he would’ve succeeded in pushing you away from me. So… I dropped it.”
The anguish in her eyes is immense, and it hits me right in the chest. I never realized how much my messed up relationship had been affecting her,hurtingher. She watched me suffer, unable to do anything at all because she wanted to guarantee that I would go to her when I was ready.
