Page 63 of Patiently Yours
“You don’t have to be sorry for that, Stacia. What happened wasn’t your fault,” Kendall replies. “So… you remember last night?”
She nods. “Yes, I remember. I tend to black out when I mix substances. I smoked a joint with someone, had a few shots, but it didn’t…” She halts her sentence.
“But it didn’t, what, Stac?” Uriah asks.
She only shakes her head, not wanting to speak about it anymore.
“Stacia.” She looks at me, and I speak firmly just as I do with the rest of the pack. “We are not angry with you. We don’t care that you went to that party, or that you took something. What we care about is your safety.”
She blinks, keeping away tears. “You don’t care about the drugs?”
“No, we care more about you being protected while you’re on drugs, considering what happened last night.”
Ciro squirms a bit next to her to get her attention. “What were you on? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Stacia swallows, “Molly.”
I heave out a sigh. It could have been much worse. “Have you ever taken it before?”
She nods again, before Uriah takes over.
“How many times? Can you… give us some background? If you do this for fun, and youreallydo enjoy it, we’re okay with that. You are ourmate. We just want to keep you safe.”
Our words do nothing to curb her anxious state. She still looks guilty,sad. I want to take all the negative emotions away from her, and I’m furious that I can’t.
“I’ve done it quite a bit. Other stuff, too.”
Ciro holds her hand. “Like acid? You were on that the night we met.”
Her lip starts to quiver before she nods. “Yes. I mixed it with alcohol after I got home, so I blacked out. Rory was under the impression that I had quit, but she found out that night that I was still taking it. Until yesterday, that was the last time I was on something harder than weed and alcohol.”
“You haven’t been on anything this entire time?” I ask.
She shakes her head and I let out a quiet breath of relief.
“It’s really something I started because Derek…” She takes in a deep breath. “Our relationship was hard to deal with. It was easier… a way to escape, I guess.”
The dots start to connect for me. “When did you start doing harder drugs?”
She gives me a sad grimace. “After Derek showed his true colors. Before that, I just enjoyed weed. But I tried a bunch ofstuff after. Like xanax and other pills, but I don’t like them that much. I prefer psychedelics.”
“So, this isn’t just fun party stuff… is it, Stacia?” Uriah asks, his face solemn and concerned.
She looks uncomfortable, like she’s unable to admit it. That it’snotjust party stuff.
She turns to Ciro. “Do you remember what you and Kendall said about intention? I’ve been thinking about that a lot, trying to find the right one, but I think… I don’t think I have a good one. I think the reason I do this is because everything is too much, and I’m not sure how to control it.”
His eyes stay on her face. “What’s too much?”
“This.” Her hands fly around. “This change in my life. It’s been so good, and I don’t deserve it.”
Ciro’s face looks heartbroken. “You can’t honestly believe that.”
“I do. And I’ve had… reminders.”
That puts me on alert. “What kind of reminders, Stacia?”
She stares at the wooden floor, refusing to acknowledge the statement she just made.
