The friction of it driven back and forth at breathless speed filled Rahil with white light, flurries of bliss shooting through him. He screamed. It lasted forever, a torrent of erratic sensation and ruthless pressure, all that force seeming to drive down his cock, until suddenly it was over, leaving him tingling and gasping, so loose and limp that he barely felt it as Mercer gently withdrew the toy.
A soft towel dabbed at him, cleaning him off before Mercer tenderly extricated the ring from his newly limp dick, and unclipped his nipples. He eased free the ropes so slowly that Rahil lost the moment where he shifted out of their hold and into Mercer’s arms, blinking himself to life with his head on Mercer’s shoulder as the blindfold slipped free.
“Mhhh,” he said, deliriously, squinting against the dim light as his eyes adjusted.
Mercer’s lips pressed against his forehead. “My good boy.”
“If you keep that up, I might literally never leave your shed,” Rahil grumbled, smiling against Mercer’s neck. He could still feel the fang caps muzzling him, and while he didn’t mind them, they seemed to have lost their purpose now. Mercer had given him everything, and now it was his turn to give back. He kissed Mercer’s skin, cupping his face, and as he reached between Mercer’s legs, he murmured, “Do you have something comfortable to sit on? I’d like to take care of you, too.”
Rahil didn’t have any specific expectation for how the rest of their evening would play out, but of all the reactions hehadanticipated, the panicked way Mercer froze was not one of them. Mercer shook his shoulders with enough anxious force to dislodge Rahil’s affection, pulling his hips away. “No, it’s—” He shook his head. “It’s fine. I got plenty out of just that.”
Rahil’s whole chest mourned, not for the end to their intercourse, but for whatever was clearly hurting inside Mercer. He took a slow, stable step back, keeping one of his hands on Mercer’s arm as he found his lover’s gaze. Not just his lover, but hislove. “Merc,” he said, gently, “you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. But please, babe, if we’re doing this—if we’re being together, not just here tonight in the shed, but going forward, then tell me what you do want from me, so I can give youthatinstead.”
For a moment, Mercer looked as though he might try to cover whatever he was feeling in a layer of stony solemnity. He dragged his hands over his face. Then slowly, deliberately, he opened his mouth, and pressed his lips to Rahil’s, and it felt like a second orgasm, this one in his heart.
30
MERCER
His lips on Rahil’s feltgood.
He’d been afraid—not just afraid, but terrified, that it wouldn’t. That he’d gotten so far, led Rahil along throughout their date and into this delicious game of pain and pleasure, and it would all fall apart with one kiss. When Rahil deepened it, Mercer pulled away, but not very far—just far enough to look him in the eye and speak.
“I’m not… great at this. Doing what I just did to you—that’s easy. Or, easier, at least. But having you… being touched, and…” With each word, he could feel himself collapse inward, the world constricting as his heart beat faster and faster.
“You had sex with Leah, right?” Rahil didn’t sound demanding or judgmental, only inquisitive. Thoughtful.
It loosened the knots forming inside Mercer just enough that he could nod. “Yes—many times. We made Lydia.” Mercer shrugged, motioning aimlessly toward the house. His throat felt heavy, but Rahil was still there, his shirt dangling and his body marked by Mercer’s exploration of it, yet his attention so thoroughly on Mercer now, like this was his only reason for living. He was everything Mercer had ever wanted, and more. “Leah made me breathless just by being there—like you do, I suppose—but that was… it was more about the romance. The sex camebecauseof the romance. And we did have good sex, but it was still hard in the beginning and sometimes hard after that, too. In the media, adults throw themselves at each other without shame or awkwardness, but it hasn’t come that easily for me. I grew up being told that I wasn’t allowed to so much as think like that about another person until we were married, and then we were married and I—” He sighed and a little tremble went through him. “If I’m in the right state, the right place, I love sex in my head; sex feelssexyin my head. But getting it to feel that way in life is harder. Does any of this make sense?”
“Oh, babe.” Rahil rubbed the side of Mercer’s arm. So slowly, like he was asking for Mercer’s permission, he eased closer, wrapping Mercer up in his arms, solid and steady. “Are you asexual?”
“Am I…” The question caught Mercer square in the chest. It wasn’t that he’d never thought about it before. But it had never seemed like something he could say for himself conclusively, not when it was just him and Lydia. “Can someone be asexual as a result of their upbringing? Like, because of religious trauma and such?”
Rahil looked pensive as he answered. “I don’t think so. But I imagine that can mask the fact that someoneisasexual because that trauma tries to convince you not to look too closely at what attraction you do feel.”
At what hedidfeel. Mercer felt a vague, disembodied lust, and shame for that lust, and shame for that shame. He felt awe for Rahil’s beauty, for every part of his graceful body, for his skin and his lips and even the way his ass curved. He loved the sounds Rahil made as he was pleasured—and the fact that it wasMercerwho could make them. And he certainly had the capacity to orgasm. Despite all of the incredible parts of that, he wasn’t sure whether any of it counted as attraction.
“Perhaps I am asexual,” he said finally, “But I’m still… I stillwantphysical love, if it’s from someone who loves me. I stillfeel. It just might not be the same way you do?”
Rahil cupped the side of Mercer’s face so tenderly that it made Mercer want to curl up inside himself, with just that feeling to hold onto forever. “Then, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to try something.”
Mercer’s heart slammed against the front of his chest, and his body warred between wanting nothing more than whatever Rahil could offer him and fearing it so thoroughly that the anxiety shut down his desire to even try. He managed to nod, though, drawing in a little breath. “All right. Okay.”
Rahil smiled, and it seemed to light up the inside of Mercer’s chest. “Do you want to go somewhere more comfortable?”
“I have a cot in the back cupboard.” It felt right to do this in the same place he’d explored Rahil’s body—gave it some symmetry.
Rahil nodded. He fiddled gently with the lip of Mercer’s shirt. “Would you like me to take these off for you, or—”
“I’ll do it.”
Mercer held his breath for a protest, but Rahil’s soft grin never wavered. He let Mercer go, his braid bouncing against his bare ass as he made his way over to the cupboards with the cot and bedding. “If my heart stops when I see you shirtless, don’t call the ambulance, just bury me in garlic flowers and write ‘died from looking into the face of God’ on my tombstone.”
Mercer couldn’t help but crack a smile as he turned away to strip out of his shirt. “Well, if my heart stops when you touch my bare chest, call me three different ambulances, please. If Lydia has to visit a tombstone that says ‘died from foreplay’ I will rise from the grave and murder you.”
“Mhh, that assumes I haven’t dispatched myself on your grave in a fit of passion.”
“I heard you saydispatched, but I think what you meant isdebauched.” He pulled his pants and boxers off at the same time, before his brain could get caught on the fact that he’d be naked afterwards. And then hewasnaked, and he couldn’t go back.
