Page 70 of Odder Still
The realization comes not in a single stream of thought but a bunch of lumpy, disconnected threads, yet I know my parasite can sense them. Now it does laugh.
Silt-breather.But the longer I focus, the more my bitterness leaves the word, drowned by the soft brush of my parasite’s presence, its humor warm and friendly even while I’m still contemplating chopping it into pieces.
As its laughter fades, it turns stoic. It rifles through my memories, drawing up the ones of our shared dream: the mirror of me built of my parasite’s pieces and the way we fell into Lachlan’s lab tank together. ‘Communication,’it repeats.
“It does want to tell me something,” I admit to Elspeth.
They nod. “Something about why it’s latching to you?”
I know it’s right the moment they say it, because my parasite leaps excitedly, its energy flowing into mine, making me giddy in turn. I have to force my breathing slower to calm our anticipation. “But I still don’t understandwhatit’s trying to tell me.”
Tavish squeezes my hand, and Elspeth jots a note. My parasite doesn’t back down, only curls around me, nearly smothering. I can’t seem to throw it off, so I leave it there, let it bleed through my thoughts and meld its emotions with mine. Maybe if it influences me enough, it can figure out how to get the information it wants to me.
“Mayhaps I can fix that?” Elspeth smirks.
Another car honks at us as it swerves around. The driver pauses to glare. They blink a few times and speed away a little faster.
Elspeth lurches the truck forward again. They veer into the grass at the next halfway decent opportunity, pressing through the hills until a set of them block the road. We come to a halt beside a stream cluttered in grey rocks. Elspeth shuts off the engine.
“What are we—” Tavish begins, just as I say, “So, how do you plan—”
But Elspeth cuts us both off by cranking a lever on their seat. Metal peels back from its sides, revealing giant wheels, and a sliver of the floor spins and expands to let the chair roll free of the truck. Elspeth halts it beside the vehicle’s bed and holds to the bed’s railing as they retrieve one of their smaller radio-like machines. Tavish and I join them.
“With this we can pick up the unique waves of energy your aurora produces and convert it to speech through the coding system I developed,” they explain. “It’s about as perfect as I am, which means, obviously, flawless.” Their smirk scrunches. “That was a joke, by the way. Though I am spectacular, the translation will be imprecise.”
Hope swells within me, amplified by my parasite’s yearning. “Do I need to do anything?”
“No offense, but you are the least necessary aspect of this equation.” They waggle the ridges along their brow line and flick the machine’s switch.
Static comes from the speaker. It bounces in and out, as though focusing on something.Any time now?I try to push away the worry, to give my parasite a more soothing nudge instead of my usual aggressive snapping, but its fear rattles in my chest.
‘It’s trying its damnedest.’It turns my earlier words on their head, following them with a statement I once grumbled over a limping monkey.‘It’s not broken. It’s not broken!’
Whoa, easy there, let’s not give us a panic attack.I cling to what little calm I have left, trying to release it into my parasite the way it leaks its emotions into me. It writhes, but each breath we take steadies it. It curls against me. I let it.So, you’re trying to talk with your electric-whatever, but it’s not working?
‘Broken.’The statement comes in a soft rush this time, a shattered sound. Then it whimpers,‘It’s trying its damnedest.’
“Is it—” Elspeth begins, but my parasite lifts my hand for quiet.
“It’s trying, give us a moment.”You could do this before, right?
‘Live in this Murk,’it replies.
I put the pieces together.You haven’t tried since the Murk.I feel its agreement like a wail.Take your time. Don’t give up.
I regret my encouragement immediately. My parasite shifts around my consciousness, drawing on both our energies as it strains. Pain shoots along our spine, and our vision wavers. We collapse on a nearby rock just as the world shifts, colors altering, removing, going dull.
“Ruby?” Tavish grabs my shoulders.
I hold to him, breathing against his shoulder.
‘Broken,’my parasite repeats.
“It gave its all, but it can’t make those waves you want. It might only be possible when it’s fully latched.” The mere thought still sends a shudder through me.I heard of the way your old host turned to ash when you left it. If you keep this up, will my body do the same?
A pause follows. It shuffles through my memories, finding one where I replied with a simpleprobablyand no other explanations. My heart drops.
“I don’t think I can come back from that,” I continue. “Any option where I alone am not in control of my body isn’t an option at all, not to me.” I feel like I need to justify this desire, to myself just as much as to Elspeth and Tavish. This is my choice. It’s my right to make. I shouldn’t feel guilty for it.
