Page 97 of Written in the Stars
Gently, Margot brushed back the baby-fine hair from around Elle’s temples. “Nothing. Nothing at all, Elle.”
“Obviously, something.” There had to be. There must’ve been something about her that made it so easy for Darcy to walk away. Metaphorically. Elle had done the actual walking but Darcy hadn’t stopped her, hadn’t even tried.
Elle had bared her heart for Darcy, her soul. From day one, she’d been clear with Darcy on what she wanted, what she craved. Darcy had given her hope that she could have that, thattheycould have that together. False hope or no hope, Elle wasn’t sure which was worse. From where she was sitting, both made her ache, made her feel like there was something critical missing inside her. That spark, the little voice that kept her going when everything else was grim and dark and bearing down on her. Hope didn’t spring eternal in Elle after all.
She couldn’t even sleep in her own room, couldn’t stand the sight of the stars on her ceiling because now all they reminded her of was the night that Darcy had stayed, their night beneath the stars.
Darcy Lowell had ruined the fucking stars for Elle. Of all the things. Elle had given Darcyeverythingand now she had nothing.
“Darcy has fucking problems, okay? And those are on her, not on you. You did nothing wrong. Do you hear me?”
Elle lifted her head and stared up at Margot through clumpy lashes. She bit the inside of her cheek and had to drop her voiceto a whisper to get her question out without choking. “But why doesn’t she want me?”
That was the question that had kept her up last night, awake and staring at the ceiling of the living room until her puffy eyelids grew too heavy and she eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep plagued by dreams of happier times. Like last week when Darcy had made her pancakes for the second time and had kissed the inside of Elle’s wrist when she’d stopped Elle from stealing one off the plate. Or when they’d been up on the astronomy tower at UW and Darcy had looked at her, ambient light from the stars and the moon turning her hair into spun sunlight, all reds and golds, fire in the night, and Elle had felt seen. Like Darcy had taken a peek at Elle’s soul, had heard the tempo of her heart, and decided she liked it. Liked it enough to stay.
But only for a little while, apparently. Temporarily. Not long enough.
“Elle—”
“Am I not enough?”
Margot shook her head, eyes fierce, the clench of her jaw vehement. “No. You are absolutely enough.”
Of the wrong things. Her chin wobbled, a fresh batch of tears sluicing down her cheeks. She didn’t have the energy to try to stop them. “Then am I too much, Margot? Be honest.”
Her family certainly thought so. Darcy, too.
“You’re just right, Elle.” Margot pushed back Elle’s bangs and rubbed her thumb over Elle’s temple, wiping away tears. “No oneis worth feeling like you’re not good enough, that you’re not amazing exactly as you are. If Darcy can’t see that,that means she isn’t right for you, okay? It means she’s notyourperfect person.”
Elle bit down on the side of her tongue until she could speak without fear of sobbing out her words. “I don’t think I have one of those. A perfect person.”
This was the antithesis of who she was—full of fear, doubt, hopeless. But she didn’t feel like herself, not at all. Maybe a sanitized version, scrubbed down to all bones, no heart.Elle minus.
Margot grabbed the sides of Elle’s face, forcing Elle to meet her stare. Margot’s throat jerked and she blinked fast. “You do. You absolutely do, you hear me? And honestly, you probably have lots of perfect people. Look at us. You’re one of my perfect people. You’re my best friend, Elle. You’re myfamily.”
Shit.
“Margot.” Elle’s nose stuffed, her throat burning like she swallowed sandpaper.
“And you don’t need to change a single thing about yourself for anyone, okay?” Margot cocked her head, black hair curling against her neck. “Okay, you need to shower and, like, open a window to air the apartment out because it smells rank in here, but other than that, you don’t need to change a damn thing.”
Elle coughed out a weak laugh.
“You deserve someone great, Elle. Someone who loves you for exactly who you are, as you are.” Margot stretched, snagging a fistful of tissues from the table. She pressed the whole bunch into Elle’s face, making her laugh a little stronger.
Wiping the tears from her face, Elle scooted to sitting. “I getit.” She touched the side of her head with the pads of her fingers before tapping her chest. “But when am I gonnabelieveit?”
She wanted to feel that certainty she was so used to. Positivity, that unerring ability tobelieveeverything was going to be all right. Optimism. She missed that. She wanted it back.
Margot frowned and shook her head slowly. “I don’t know, babe. But I’ll keep telling you until you do, okay?”
“It could take years, Mar.”
Margot arched a dark brow, expression shrewd. “Are you going anywhere? Because I’m sure as shit not.”
Elle sucked in a shuddering breath and nodded. “Thanks.”
“That’s what friends are for, right?” Margot stood and reached for the ice cream that was beginning to go soupy. “You know what else friends are for?”
