Page 108 of Written in the Stars
She held her breath as Elle deliberated, chewing on the side of her lip, eyes locked on Darcy’s face. After a gut-wrenching moment wherein Darcy tried to mentally and facially communicate how sincere she was—likely looking crazed or worse, constipated—Elle finally sighed, tossing her hands in the air before stepping back through the beaded curtain. “Fine. You want a reading? I’ll give you a reading.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Elle threw herself into the velvet wingback chair behind the slightly wobbly round table and watched as Darcy’s nose occasionally wrinkled, no doubt having all sorts of opinions about the Nag Champa wafting from the incense burner in the corner of the room.
She tucked her right leg beneath her and crossed her arms over her stomach. This was fine. Darcy wanted a reading? Elle would read her to filth.
“Have a seat.” She reached for her phone and pulled up the chart she’d saved weeks ago. She set her phone on the table, eyes staring shrewdly at Darcy’s houses and alignments. “Let’s see, you want to start with your Capricorn stellium? Maybe dig into your seventh house Pluto? Hmm, we could spend a whole hour talking about your south node in Virgo.”
Darcy shifted that stupid-looking plant—whyin the world was she carrying a fuckingshrub?—on her lap and nodded quickly. “Okay. Sure.”
Just like that, Elle deflated.
She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t take Darcy’s chart and use it against her. Astrology was a tool for empathy, not one to exact payback. She wasn’t going to twist something beautiful into something ugly, make it malicious, because her feelings were hurt. Understatement. But still. This wasn’t how Elle operated and she wasn’t going to change that, no matter how heartbroken she was. She wasn’t cruel and she didn’t want to hurt Darcy with barbed words, tear her down. Hurting Darcy wouldn’t mend Elle’s broken heart.
Elle flipped her phone over. “I can’t do this.”
Darcy pursed her lips, sitting up straighter. “I paid.”
“Go ask Sheila for a refund, then. I’m not going to waste my time giving you a reading when you don’t even believe in this. Especially not on Christmas Eve, Darcy.”
Darcy’s hands hugged that ugly terra-cotta planter, knuckles turning white from her grip. Her nail polish, that same boring pink shade she always wore, was chipped, peeling away from her thumbnail. All her nails were bitten down to the quick. “You’re right. I don’t believe in astrology.”
Despite having given Darcy the out, Elle’s throat narrowed, her chest tightening.
What hurt the most in that moment was that she’d thought Darcy had understood. That it wasn’t whether it was real, but it was about understanding each other. Connecting. Feeling less alone. “Cool. Like I said, ask Sheila for a refund.”
Darcy didn’t move, didn’t get up, didn’t leave the room. She barely shook her head. “But you do. You believe in it.”
Duh.
“It’s been a long time since I believed in something, anything,” Darcy whispered. She opened her mouth and a little hiccup of a gasp slipped out. “You make me want to believe in something, Elle. And I do. I don’t believe in astrology, but I believe in you and I believe in this, in what I feel. And I know you’re mad and it’s probably too late, but could you let me explain? Please.”
Elle’s heart went haywire. Stuttering, speeding,stoppingbefore clawing its way up her chest. Speaking wasn’t something she could do with her heart lodged inside her throat. She nodded instead.
“Yes, I never planned for this. I didn’t want to fall in love, not again, not after—” Darcy broke off, air stuttering from between her lips, lips that quivered gently before she swallowed and got ahold of herself. She met Elle’s eyes across the table, didn’t so much as flinch at the contact. Her brown eyes were wide and vulnerable, brow lightly pinched, but the rest of her face was lax. “Brendon told me he already told you about Natasha. I’ll spare you the dirty details but putting myself out there again was the last thing I wanted. Then you came along.”
Elle snorted. Ah, yes. She came crashing into Darcy’s life, uninvited. How could she forget? Spilled wine and butting heads. Charming.
“You were the exact opposite of what I wanted,” Darcy said.
Elle clenched her hands into fists. She’d asked for sincerity, but she hadn’t asked forthis. Hearing her worst fears confirmed. “That’s—”
“Please,” Darcy whispered, shaking her head. “I’m not...you were the opposite of what I thought I wanted but it turned out you were exactly what I needed and somewhere along the way you became the one thing I wanted more than anything. What I said to my mother, it wasn’t true, Elle. I lied to her and I lied to myself. This is so much more than me just having fun.”
Elle took the deepest breath she could with her arms crossed snug over her stomach. “I know I’m not the most punctual person and I can’t tell the difference between a cabernet sauv—whatever and a pinot to save my life. I believe in astrology and I follow my gut more than I follow my head. And all of that? It’s who I am.” Her stupid eyes had to go and water. Elle blinked fast and shrugged. “I like who I am. A lot. What I do, who I am, it makes me happy. And I... I deserve someone who likes me exactly the way I am, mess and all. I need to be able to know that. I need to hear that. I need to believe it. I deserve someone who can say it.”
Each time she said it, she believed it a little more, and a little more. This time, she believed it all the way, believed it the way she believed in the stars, and the moon. Elle believed in herself, and no matter how much she wanted Darcy—which was an absurd amount—loving herself was no mere consolation prize.
Darcy’s throat worked through several convulsions, and she nodded. “You do. You do deserve that, Elle.”
Elle sniffed and jerked her chin, curiosity finally getting the best of her. “And by the way, I can’t take care of plants. I have the opposite of a green thumb. So...”
Might as well be totally honest. What else did she have to lose that she hadn’t already lost?
Darcy stared down at the plant, laughing wryly. “I should’ve asked Brendon for his advice after all. Grand gestures aren’t exactly my forte. And I’m bad at saying something. But it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s me. I was scared.” Darcy shut her eyes and rolled her lips together. A pink flush worked its way up her face, turning her nose and the skin beneath her eyes red. When she opened her eyes and lifted her head, the bloodshot look of desperation in her glassy eyes snatched Elle’s breath.
“I wasterrified. I’d gotten my heart broken once before and it scared me because I’d watched my mom fall apart and suddenly,Iwas the one falling apart and I never wanted to put myself in a position where that would happen again. I moved to Seattle and promised I wouldn’t let that happen. Falling in love was the last thing I wanted, but then you came into my life and somewhere along the way what I felt for you was more,so muchbigger than I’d ever felt for anyone else. Bigger than I felt for the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. One month, Elle. One month and I was—” Darcy pressed the back of her hand against her mouth. “I fell for you and it scared me because, what if I lost you? What if something happened? What if you broke my heart?” Darcy turned her head to the side and blinked fast, lashes fluttering like butterfly wings. “I was scared of losing you and I was equally as afraid of getting to keep you, because how much worse would it hurt if I lost you later? I said nothing and I lost you anyway.”
