Page 32 of The Ending is the Best Part
‘I—’ But before I can get the words out, Xander’s lips clash onto mine and I let out a yelp of surprise that dissolves into a sigh of relief.His tongue brushes against mine.He clasps his hands round my waist, as I hold him by his hips, colliding in a flurry of passion.
There is nothing gentle about it.It’s like all the energy of the hours, days,yearsworking across from each other suddenly explodes, at last a release from all that pent-up longing.It’s desperate and urgent, our problems forgotten for as long as we’re together like this.For now, we are just two people, lost but connected.His fingers tense, tightening the hold on my waist, pulling me impossibly closer.
I can’t focus on anything but him, on how much I want this – how long I’vewantedthis.How long have I secretly desired him?I can’t even think.The room spins and nothing else matters.Slowly, his hand trails upwards and finds its way to my throat.His fingers gently press into my skin.Not hard enough to hurt but enough that the sensation makes me gasp.I move my hands up to his head and entwine my fingers in his hair.He groans slightly as I tighten my grip, pulling him deeper into the embrace.
The shrill blare of a ringtone snaps us both back to reality.Xander yanks himself back as if my mere touch would suddenly scorch him.He runs his large hand through his hair, which is now dishevelled, falling messily over his green eyes.God, he looks incredible.
He looks at me, eyes still heavy with lust.The small cupboard is filled only by the sound of our ragged breathing.He bites the inside of his cheek and then clenches his jaw.‘Uh, I-I shouldn’t have done that.’
‘What?’ My voice breaks and I hate myself for it.
Instead of replying, he steps back from me, backing himself into the corner of the cupboard as far away from me as possible.‘We can’t…Ican’t do this, Yara.’
My head reels.‘What are you saying?’ I can’t stop the tremble in my voice.‘You can’t keep doing this to me.Youleaned in for a kiss.Youpulled me in and now you’re just going to pretend like that didn’t happ—’
‘Just forget about it… I already have.’ He casts his eyes at the ground, looking ashamed.‘You wanted to come in here to talk about the episode.We’ve done most of it anyway, it’s just that last scene, so let’s just propose our own endings and see who comes out on top.’
‘You’re a coward, you know that,’ I spit out.‘I get that I might have upset you before, but youdo notget to use me as an emotional punching bag, just because you are too scared to face your own feelings.’
He stumbles back as if I’ve just hit him.His face is full of regret and hurt.Before I can say anything else, Xander is gone.The door is burst open and our dark cupboard is suddenly full of the bright fluorescent lights from outside, the cacophony of sounds of everyone bustling around the office.Photocopiers humming, bubbling chatter, a coffee cup clinking as it’s placed in the sink.But for me, it’s deathly silent.Because he’s not here.
My mouth still throbs from our kiss, the best kiss I’ve ever had.I can’t go out there, not yet.My legs give out as I sink to the floor.I don’t know what I expected bringing him in here.But that was certainly wasn’t it.My heart is breaking all over again but this time I’m also angry.Screw him. If he wants to lash out like a child, then fine.But I will have no part in it.
Chapter Nineteen
Five Days Left
For days afterwards, I try to forget the storage room incident and get on with my version of the final scene.But I keep being hit with waves of the memory of that kiss.God!That kiss.I groan into my hands.How his green eyes lit up when he looked at my lips and everything that came afterwards felt inevitable, just as it should.The way his hand pressed the nape of my neck, the soft skin that prickled under his touch.How good it felt to have my fingers tangled in that hair.But that memory doesn’t exist without everything that came afterwards.I can’t forget how Xander shook me off and left me alone, once again.
Despite how much he’s hurt me and how much I’ve hurt him, I do what I always do when things get tough.I block out the world and throw myself into work.
If Xander and I just can’t write together, he’s right that this is the only way to move forward.Two endings.Meagan chooses the best.But I can’t imagine Meagan liking the idea when we present it to her.It’s against her ethos.She always says the best writer doesn’t exist, there’s only the bestwriters.It’s a team effort that makes great TV, with a sprinkle of competition.I agreed with her, until now.
Today is Monday.We have a meeting this afternoon where we’ll present Meagan with our endings.Maybe the fact that we’re presenting it today, rather than leaving it till the end of the week, will encourage her to give us some grace?I’m not hopeful.
I have a rough version of the scene I pitched to Xander in the café and I’m racking my brains on how to make it better.Not just better, something I can be proud of.This is far from it.It just lackssomething.That energy that makes characters come to life.The thing that Meagan has always said I’m good at, I guess.But I feel like since the storage room incident last week, I’ve been forcing myself to write in frantic bursts, as much as I can until another Xander memory interrupts my progress and forces me back to square one.It’s so frustrating.I bet he isn’t agonising over me the same way I am him.
I stare at my screen, the curser taunting me as it blinks on the half-full page.For a moment all I can hear is Xander’s cruel words.Just forget about it… I already have.My only solace is that he didn’t mean it.He’s always pushed people away.He told me that: how difficult he finds it to be close to his parents and sister.He can’t trust anyone.How arrogant of me to hope that I could break the cycle.I look up to the ceiling, taking a minute to steady myself.Enough, Yara, I tell myself.I am stronger than this and I won’t cry over any man.My phone buzzes, which snaps me out of my thoughts.I look down to see it’s a message in the girls’ group chat.
Amira:hey u okay?you haven’t replied to any of my or Maddie’s texts.we r worried about u.pls talk to us.did something happen with Xander?
I contemplate her message.Yes, I called Xander a coward, but I’ve been one too.My friends have sent me a flurry of messages over the last few days and I’ve sent them halfassed replies, just enough to let them know everything is fine and I haven’t been murdered.I’ve been so preoccupied with Xander that I’ve become a terrible friend.I know I need to explain what happened but I’m not ready for that just yet.My thumb hovers over the screen as I think about how to respond.
Me:All good.Just the final stretch before we meet with Meagan later today… speak soon xoxo
My phone buzzes again.
Amira:ok we’ll stop badgering you… for now haha.good luck 2day!!x
Before I can type out a quick thanks, Maddie sends a message in that chat.
Maddie:me and Amira were thinking drinks later?you in?
Another message comes through.
Amira:you’re not allowed to say no btw :D
I smile at their messages, grateful for the offer.Maybe I should go, even if it’s just to forget about work for a few hours…
