Page 30 of The Ending is the Best Part
My desk starts to vibrate as my phone buzzes, which pulls me away from my dark thoughts.I grab it, thinking it could be Xander, but when I glance down at the screen I see that it’s my mum.I try not to let the disappointment sound in my voice when I pick up.I step away into the dimly lit corridor.
‘Yazza, honey, it’s been a while.How is everything?We miss you!’ The sound of Mum’s voice greets me like a warm hug.
‘I miss you too…’ I reply as I try to keep my tears at bay.God, I hadn’t realised just how much I needed some comfort, a reminder of home.
We catch up on everything… Well, not absolutely everything.I can’t tell her about Xander.Especially now.Too many almosts and what-ifs.Not worth mentioning.
When it gets towards the end of the call, the conversation drifts to where it always goes.‘Are you still working on that writing stuff of yours?’ Dad’s voice joins the conversation.‘Or have you started looking at getting a real job?’
The familiar sting of their disapproval pierces me deeply, no matter how hard I try to stop it.It’s the constant reminder that even though I’m working my dream job, which I’m damn good at, it will never be enough for them.They’ll never understand why I’ve pursued a creative career path when they always pushed me towards a ‘proper job’.
‘My job is going fine, Dad, thanks for asking,’ I say.‘I’ve actually been given this huge opportunity to write the season finale with a – with a colleague.Our names will be at the start of the episode.It’s going really well so far.’
My heart aches as I speak about Xander and our project, but I swallow the hurt down.
My mother sighs as she prepares to give the same speech she gives at the end of every call.‘That’s lovely, Yazza.But you know how volatile this career is.Opportunities come and go in a flash.We just want you to be in a stable and safe job.Something with a real future.You’re not getting any younger, you know.Did you get my email about law school?’
With everything else going on, this certainly isn’t helping.I can feel the burn of tears at the back of my eyes.I refuse to let them see just how much it pains me.I love my parents, I really do, but this topic will always be a sore spot.
‘I’m happy with what I do… okay?Just stop.’ My voice breaks slightly.
There’s a pause on the other end, then my dad speaks up.‘You’re not going to listen to us… are you?’ His disappointment is palpable over the line.
I can’t bear to carry on this conversation any longer.‘Speak soon, love you.’ My voice feels raw as I hang up.
I bury my face in my hands to try to calm myself.My chest feels like it’s getting tighter and tighter with each passing moment.My parents’ words echo through my mind, the reminder that I’ll always be a failure in their eyes.The wayward child that they can’t explain to their friends.Who works late for so little reward.No wonder Xander can’t bear to talk to me.I disappointed him too, by taking Meagan’s word over his.All I know is that something isn’t adding up.
Taking a deep breath, I let the tears I’ve been holding fall.I’m lost in my own thoughts when I see some movement in the corridor from the corner of my eye.Oh God.No!Anyone but him.I must have done something horrendous in a past life because this has to be some kind of karmic joke.
Xander.
His eyes lock on mine from across the corridor.I can see him holding himself high, aloof, above it all.But there is a flicker of worry for just a second.
I quickly turn my face away.I don’t want him to see me like this, in my moment of weakness, not now.Not after everything that has happened between us recently.What if he thinks I’m crying about him?I almost want to call out,oh this, don’t worry, this is nothing to do with you!Just crying because I’ll never be enough for my parents and I can’t shake the crushing weight of their disapproval.Nothing to see here!I make quick work of wiping my tears as fast as I can.
His voice echoes along the corridor.‘Yara?’ His tone is cautious.
I quickly whirl round.‘I’m fine.Please leave me alone.’
I spin on my heel and head towards the door, desperate for any sort of escape.
The second I put my hand on the door, Xander reaches out and grabs my arm.With a firm grip he pulls me back into him, the world coming to a stop as we are finally face to face.
I peer into his eyes and there is no trace of anger.I search his expression for any judgement because that’s the last thing I can handle right now, but I only find a kind, searching look in his face.Wordlessly he pulls me into a hug.Not the sort of hug you’d offer a stranger in need, but a heartfelt gesture, full of care and concern.It’s exactly what I need and I…
I.Just.Break.
The floodgate of tears I have been holding back forso longpours out of me in waves.I can’t pinpoint one reason I’m crying.It’s my parents, my job, the pressure, the finale, this city, Xander.The cumulation of all the events that have led to this moment hit me all at once.
I breathe in his scent.Xander doesn’t say anything.He doesn’t need to; him being here when I need him is enough.
I’m unsure how much time has passed when the tears start to subside and I feel normal again.Well, asnormalas I can with everything going on.
I peel myself out of his arms and my eyes dart around, looking anywhere but him.I can’t bear to see how he must be looking at me.I probably look a pretty pitiful sight.
‘Um, thanks,’ I mutter.The air around us stiffens, goes stale.I can already feel his walls going back up.
‘Well…’ He clears his throat.‘See you around.’
